Side Effects
by invalid-reality
Summary: One thing leads to another, a chain reaction of events of sorts. One little thing or big rather always has its side effects and consequences. Can they get through them all and have their happy ending or will it prove to be too difficult?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: I've got to make a couple things clear about this fic. It's fairly AU, most of canon has been twisted around in this fic to make the plot I wanted to have work the way I need it to. Faith never went bad, Joyce never died, season 8 comics details/events aren't included in this fic so no Satsu (yay) So...now that I've cleared up those few tiny factors, I hope you all enjoy reading this one :)

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It was always the same, year after year. Faith could only sigh and sit back on the bench at the far end of the yard and stare up at the brightly lit house that was decorated top to bottom and ready to ring in the holiday's with cheesy Christmas decorations, and ready to be full of laugher and love amongst friends and family.

"Fucking hate Christmas," she mumbled under her breath as she took a swig of her beer and closed her eyes.

It was always around this time of year she'd sit back and reflect on the years that had gone by. She'd always drifted in and out of the lives of those who she considered her family. Buffy was the one reason she always came back and Buffy was the reason she'd stayed this time, longer than she ever had before. They'd never been close until she'd moved to Cleveland and she was determined, after ten long years of a rocky friendship, to keep building whatever strong, close bond they now shared.

Her life had been a whirlwind ever since the day they all fought the First. They had spent a week in LA before Giles herded them off to Cleveland. Faith tagged along at first, not knowing what else to do in that moment. It was barely even three days before she had enough and took off, heading back home to Boston and trying to find herself again. No matter where her life led her over the course of the next couple of years, she always found herself coming back 'home'. Always coming back to Buffy. To see her. To try to develop the kind of friendship they should have always had.

A loud crash coming from inside of the kitchen caused her to groan. She didn't move, not even when the wind picked up, chilling her to the core. She could hear Buffy and Dawn yelling at one another and then the sound of Joyce telling them to shut up. It was little things like this that she'd missed whenever she was gone. They made her feel a part of the family; they always had even when she would push them away when she needed her personal space. Joyce had become like a mother to her as well and she'd found herself time and time again sitting down to have a heart to heart with her whenever the need arose.

This was the family she never had before. She never had people in her life that loved her, cared about her and wanted her around. To say it took her a while to get used to the feeling was an understatement. It took her years, too many years of running and coming back, to finally accept it. She didn't just have the Summers woman as her family; she had Giles, Willow, Xander and Kennedy too. Living with them all in the same house drove her absolutely insane most days, tonight being the worst as it was the night before Christmas Eve.

"Faith?" Buffy yelled from the back door as she stuck her head out. "Are you going to sit out there all night or are you going to come in to help us?"

"Coming in a minute, B."

Faith took another swig of her beer and made no effort to move. Everyone was getting the house ready for the party the next day and Faith was doing her usual thing, staying out of the way for as long as she could get away with it. She shivered and gave in, walking as slowly as she could back up to the house. Everyone in the kitchen was in a frenzy when she walked in and slipped off her jacket. She walked over to the counter, lined with freshly baked cookies and other small appetizers and she reached for one of the cookies only to find her hand being slapped hard.

"Don't you dare," Buffy warned as she held up the spatula in her hand that she'd used to slap Faith's hand away. "Those are all for tomorrow night."

Faith raised an eyebrow as she looked at Buffy then back down at the sheets of cookies cooling on the counter. "Plan to feed an army tomorrow night, B?"

Buffy shook her head and sighed out exasperatingly as she turned and took yet another sheet of cookies out of the oven. The sound of Dawn giggling from the other end of the large kitchen made her break the gaze she'd let herself fall into with her eyes firmly trained on Buffy's butt. She snapped out of it long enough to take advantage of nobody looking and she snatched a handful of the still warm cookies and shoved them into her mouth, laughing as she ran out of the kitchen with Buffy hot on her heels.

It was a good feeling to know they had this kind of friendship now, where no matter how much Faith pissed Buffy off, it never really pushed her over the edge. The only thing the two of them stayed away from was talking about Buffy's boyfriend of the moment, which happened to be a guy named Luke she'd met while they all had been out drinking at a bar after a long night of tracking down a nest of vampires and dusting each and every last one of them. If Faith disliked the guys Buffy dated, she bit her tongue and stood back and watched as she got her heart broken again and again. No guy Buffy had dated in the last couple of years seemed to stick around after the six month mark and she and Luke were fast approaching it.

It was why Faith never did relationships. Nobody could deal with the life she lived and she wouldn't want to pull anyone into her life when even she wasn't so sure she'd make it to live another day. She got her kicks and kicked whoever she'd picked that night out of bed when she was finished with them. Old habits die hard and it kept her happy and satisfied, for the most part. But, living in a house with everyone else had made it nearly impossible when it came to her nightly habits. She felt like a teenager sneaking her random bed buddy in the house late at night and to her room. Maybe it was part of the thrill in the end, she really didn't know nor did she really care. She got what she wanted from them and kicked them out before they barely had a chance to breathe and bask in the afterglow.

It started when she moved back, the women. She wasn't sure why, but it was a thrill in itself. She'd been with women before, a handful of them throughout the years, but it'd become a regular thing, night after night. Nobody but Kennedy seemed to know about it either and the first night she'd caught Faith sneaking a random, drunk blond woman into her room, all she received was a raised eyebrow and a smirk from Kennedy as they passed each other in the hallway. Faith seemed to remember that night above all the others. The knowing glint in Kennedy's eyes caused her to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, which at the time had been hard since she had god knows how many shots of Jack flowing through her body.

She shook off her thoughts as she stopped running from Buffy and turned to face her. Buffy clearly hadn't expected the sudden stop and she slammed into her, both of them tumbling to the floor. For a brief second before Buffy got up from her, Faith could see something in her eyes that she'd never seen before. Something that she was used to seeing in the eyes of the women she'd bring back home. Before she had the chance to dwell on it, Buffy was up and already walking back to the kitchen, muttering under her breath at how Faith never listened. She laid there for a moment and tipped her head back as the front door opened.

"What you doing on the floor, Faith?" Xander asked as he walked in with Giles close behind him.

"Minor incident."

"You stole the cookies, didn't you?" Xander laughed as he shook his head and reached for her hand. "You think you'd know by now that it's a federal crime in this house to steal the Christmas cookies before the party."

"Yeah, yeah. You guys need any help?" Faith asked, noticing the bags Giles and Xander had brought in with them. "There more in the car?"

"Plenty," Giles nodded. "I'll need you two to put the beer in the fridge down in the basement and before you ask, no you may not have any tonight. It is for the party tomorrow."

Faith rolled her eyes as she slipped on her boots she'd left by the front door and headed down to Giles' car. Two trips and seven cases of beer later, she found herself in the basement with Xander, neither of them saying a word as they filled the fridge. She grabbed two bottles and handed one to Xander and sat down on the old worn couch and cracked open the beer.

"He's not gonna notice two gone. Figure its payment for bringing it in and stocking the fridge," Faith smirked at a weary Xander as he hesitated for a moment before he sat down next to her and opened his beer.

"Payment, right. Should you be drinking before patrol?"

"Who cares? You know me. I've been out piss drunk before and still came home in one piece."

"Barely," he pointed out, stifling a laugh as he took a sip of his beer. "When Buffy didn't kill you for coming home like that, I thought for sure Joyce would have."

"The wrath of the Summers' women is deadly. If there's one woman I'm afraid of more than Buffy, its Joyce. The woman has a death glare that could scare a thousand vampires away in a matter of seconds."

"You're afraid of Buffy?"

"Just when she gets in one of her bitchy, pissed off moods."

"Oh," Xander chuckled softly as he took another sip of his beer. "You mean those moods she gets into when the boyfriend of the moment breaks up with her?"

Faith nodded and smirked as she shook her head. She and Xander were close, always had been since Sunnydale, but it was different sometimes than her friendship with the others. They had deep, unbreakable bond, one very much like a brother and a sister would have. The last year had been a shock, not just for her, but for everyone. She moved back to find out that he and Dawn had been dating for well over a year and to say that she didn't see it coming was an undeniable fact. She was the only one who knew that he planned to propose to her on Christmas morning. He had even dragged her along a week ago to find the perfect ring for Dawn. She hated every second of it too. Just looking at him, how happy he was and how happy Dawn was with him, made her bitter. Only slightly.

"You gonna ask her in front of everyone?"

"No, I was thinking of doing it tonight actually, you know before the excitement and everything."

"Are you nervous?"

"What do you think?"

Faith laughed and playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Don't worry, man. You know she'll say yes."

"I hope so. I don't want her bringing up the fact that when I asked Anya I wasn't ready to take that step then. It's different now."

"Older, wiser, but not quite more mature," Faith laughed as Xander shot her a glare. "Sorry, but you know it's true."

"I know that," he sighed then smiled at her as he draped his arm over her shoulders. "So, Faith. Are you bringing a date tomorrow night?"

"Flying solo."

"I know a few guys who would love to be your date tomorrow night for the party."

"I haven't been..."

"What?"

"I haven't been driving stick since I got back," she mumbled.

"What?" Xander looked shocked and amazed at the same time. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

They sat there in silence, deafening yet comforting all at the same time. Faith could practically see the wheels turning in Xander's head. She didn't need to ask him what he was thinking, she knew. It wasn't like she could help thinking it either; it was practically throwing itself in her face. No matter how much she'd denied the feelings she knew she'd always felt for Buffy deep down inside, they were there and always would be and she would do what she always did and ignore them. It was what she did best. If she ignored it, she wouldn't think about it and it was one of those things she never wanted to think about. Ever.

"Are you ever going to tell her?"

"Tell who what?" Faith asked.

"Buffy."

"What about her?"

"Faith," Xander sighed as he shook his head at her. "All these years, all that...sexual tension and you mean to tell me you don't feel anything for her?"

"No," Faith lied as she quickly took another swig of her beer. "Me and B are friends. Nothing more."

"Right. Keep convincing yourself that, Faith. I'll keep convincing myself Anya is still alive while I'm at it. How about that?"

With a shake of her head, she laughed as she stood up from the couch and quickly downed the rest of her beer. She wasn't getting into this with Xander. She was already bitter about two things, Christmas and Xander's plan to ask Dawn to marry him. Everyone around her seemed to be moving forward in their lives and enjoying the holidays and all she could do was feel the bitterness of being alone. She left Xander down in the basement alone and headed upstairs.

Everyone was still in the kitchen, laughing and drinking and finishing getting things ready for the party the next day. Faith hoisted herself up on the counter next to the sink and for the first time since she'd came back she allowed herself to really look at Buffy. Something had changed about her and Faith knew right away by the look in her eyes that she was in love. She'd seen that look before, yet never as intense as she did tonight. She felt a stab of something unfamiliar deep inside of her and it made her inwardly groan as she hopped off the counter.

Jealousy. She was jealous for a multitude of reasons. Some of those she was just learning to open her heart to and accept. She nearly ran into Luke as he came in the kitchen with an armful of presents and booze.

"Watch it!" Faith snapped as she grabbed the few bags that threatened to fall from Luke's arms.

"Sorry, Faith. Didn't see you there," he said sweetly as he gave her a smile, the same smile she'd seem him give Buffy that always melted Buffy's heart. "Are you heading off somewhere?"

"Patrol."

"Stay for a drink. I brought presents."

"It's not Christmas yet," she muttered as she placed the bags she'd taken on the kitchen table.

"I realise that, but I won't be here until the end of the month. I've got to head down to Florida to see the family and I have three hours to convince Buffy to come with me," Luke laughed as he placed the rest of the bags on the table and walked over to Buffy.

Faith stood in the doorway, watching as he leaned in and kissed Buffy. The burning pit of jealousy deep inside of her sparked and she couldn't find it in her to look away. She clenched her fits at her sides as she spun around and walked out of the kitchen, unable to stand the sight of the two of them clearly not caring as they displayed their affections in front of everyone.

She hated Christmas.

She hated Luke.

She hated how jealous she felt and she hated the fact that she now knew for a fact that she was in love with Buffy. The feeling of jealousy had really hit that final nail in the coffin where her denial had now been put to rest. She was no longer going to bite her tongue with how she felt about Buffy being with Luke. There was only so much she could take, so much she could witness before she knew she'd lose it completely. She was almost out the front door when she remembered she'd left her jacket back in the kitchen. Muttering under her breath the entire time, she strode back in, grabbed her jacket and was out the back door before anyone could say a word.

Faith had barely made it to the back gate when she heard the sound of footsteps running after her. She didn't need to look back to know it was Buffy. She stopped when Buffy grabbed onto her jacket and forced her to turn around and look at her.

"What's wrong with you tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you pissed off about something?" Buffy asked, staring intensely at her. Even in the darkness Faith felt herself drawn into those green eyes, the same eyes she'd realized she did nothing but avoid looking into in most instances. "You're not going to talk, are you?"

"Are you going with him?" Faith mumbled under her breath as she took a few steps away from Buffy.

"No, you know I can't. As much as I'd love to go with him and go somewhere warm for Christmas, I belong here with my family, my friends, and you. Is that what this is about? You didn't want me to go with Luke to see his family?"

"It's not always about you, Buffy."

"Talk to me, tell me what's bothering you so I can stop making the wrong assumptions!"

"Forget about it."

"Forget about it?" Buffy laughed as she stopped Faith from walking away. "I'm not going to forget about it. Whatever it is that's bothering you right now happened while you were down in the basement with Xander. What did you two talk about?"

"Nothing."

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Faith. She really looked at her long and hard. Faith shook her head as she leaned against the side of the house, her hands digging into the pockets of her jacket as she looked for her cigarettes. She knew she'd crossed the line, treading into the forbidden boundaries of being in love with someone who was supposed to be her best friend. She allowed her eyes to drift over to Buffy and what she saw when she looked into Buffy's eyes made her heart quicken just that little bit more.

There was definitely something different with the way Buffy was looking at her, something like the way she'd looked at her before when she'd chased her out of the kitchen. She wasn't going to assume it was anything. It never got her very far in the past and it would definitely get her nowhere with Buffy now.

"Faith," Buffy sighed as she took a step closer to her. "I know you hate Christmas and everything that comes along with it, but do you have to act like this?"

She shrugged as she pulled out her pack and took out the last cigarette. She ignored the look of disgust on Buffy's face as she lit it and leaned her head back against the cool bricks. Her thoughts were beginning to worry her. She didn't do the whole falling in love thing, but it seemed like she'd do anything when it came to Buffy. She came back because Buffy had practically begged her to. She settled down because Buffy told her it was time to find a place to call home for once in her life. She ignored her feelings because she knew Buffy would never want to be with someone like her.

"What's going on in that head of yours? Aren't you going to talk to me?"

"No."

"Come on, Faith. Whatever it is, you can talk to me about it," Buffy said with a soft smile.

"No, I really can't."

"Can we at least go inside and pretend not to be having this talk? It's too cold and I feel like I'm about to turn into an icicle here."

Faith chuckled, glancing at Buffy as she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to get herself warm. She held back the crude remarks that were just begging to slip out. She'd managed over the years to hold back her innuendos around Buffy. It was no longer fun for her to watch Buffy blush and stutter as she tried to change the subject. It wasn't fun because of how she felt about Buffy deep down. It was different now. What was harmless flirting really wasn't anymore.

"Let me go grab a warmer jacket and I'll come out on patrol with you," Buffy said as she shivered again. "God, you'd think that the vamps would stay inside on a night like tonight. Have some consideration you know?"

"They don't feel the cold, B."

"It just doesn't make any sense. Nobody in their right mind would be out on a night as cold as tonight so why would they be out?"

"Dunno," Faith shrugged. "You sure you want to leave the boy-toy to come out on patrol with me?"

"He'll understand if I am gone for a couple of hours."

"Right, cos he's so fucking considerate like that," she muttered as she rolled her eyes. "Where do you find these guys, B. Honestly?"

Buffy said nothing as she shrugged. The sound of laughter lured Buffy back in the house and with a quick glance back and a rather sombre look on her face she disappeared inside and left Faith standing out there alone in the cold. Faith rolled her eyes again and flicked her cigarette to the ground and headed back inside. The only thought in her head was 'fuck patrol'. She needed a drink.

She managed to bypass everyone in the kitchen and headed down to the basement, cracking open a beer and sitting back on the couch. She closed her eyes and tried to drown out the laughter coming from above her. She wanted to go up there and join in on whatever fun they were having, but she was being miserable. She hated holidays. They'd never been fun for her. They just brought back a lot of bittersweet and horrible memories from her pathetic excuse for a childhood she would rather just forget.

She tensed at the sound of the basement door opening and she quickly drank back her beer and stuck the empty bottle behind the couch as Giles came down. He raised an eyebrow at her as he walked to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer. She sighed out a little as he handed her one and sat down next to her on the couch.

"Skipping patrol tonight?"

Faith nodded as she took a swig of her beer. "Too cold. Didn't feel like going out either."

"I suppose a few nights off would be okay," he said with a chuckle then shook his head. "Any particular reason you are down here?"

"Hate Christmas."

"I know you do. Everyone is having a wonderful time upstairs."

"So I can hear."

"Is there something bothering you, Faith?"

"You mean besides the fact I fucking hate Christmas?" Faith asked and Giles nodded. "Nope."

They sat there in silence, just listening to the sounds of laughter coming from upstairs. Giles had been great to her and he'd been like a father to her since Sunnydale. He was also a friend, which counted for a lot. She'd never been able to talk to him about the things that went through her head nor could she ever talk to him about how she felt about Buffy either. She couldn't talk to anyone about Buffy. It was a forbidden subject to her and up until very recently she wouldn't even allow herself to think about her feelings for Buffy.

If Giles was as observant as Xander, surely he already knew how she felt. Living with everyone was hard for Faith to keep things to herself, including the feelings for Buffy she'd thought she'd been able to hide even from herself. Maybe it was the few beers she'd had that night that was getting to her, making her feel like she was about to break down and tell Giles everything or maybe it was something else. The night had barely begun and she already wished it'd end.

Kennedy came downstairs then, groaning as she opened the fridge and helped herself to a beer and sat down in between Faith and Giles on the couch.

"It's a nuthouse up there. Xander just proposed to Dawn."

"What?" Giles looked shocked as he stood up from the couch. "You are joking?"

"I am not. He just all of a sudden got down on one knee, had this whole cute speech and she said yes. They're all freaking out upstairs right now. Too much excitement for me to handle," Kennedy said as she shuddered. "Are you heading out on patrol soon, Faith? Care for some company?"

"Gonna skip out on patrol tonight."

"You never skip patrol."

Faith shrugged as she propped her feet up on the small, worn coffee table in front of her. "Too fucking cold."

Giles shook his head as he finished off his beer and headed back upstairs. The second the door was closed Kennedy turned to Faith with a smirk curling across her lips.

"What?"

"So...we need to talk, Faith."

"About what and why does everyone want to have some sort of fucking talk tonight?"

"You've been acting strange lately. Closed off."

"Your point?"

"I just want to know what's going on. This has nothing to do with Buffy, does it?"

"What? No."

"Faith..."

"Ken, why the fuck does everyone seem to think I have some kind of feelings for Buffy?"

"Because you do. It's obvious with the way you look at her. I know I'm not the only one who has noticed these things. Willow pointed it out for the millionth time tonight about the way you were acting when Luke showed up. Jealousy is one of the hardest things to hide when it comes to someone you love."

"Shit."

She'd gone from denial, to jealousy, to blatantly admitting it to herself, to having to hear from Kennedy that it was undeniably obvious that she had deep feelings for Buffy, and it had all crashed down into the open in the course of a night. This is why she hated holidays. Secrets were always thrust out into the open when one least expected it.

"I don't even want to begin to point out the girls you've been bring back almost every night either. I mean, really, Faith. Some of them look like they could be Buffy's carbon copy."

"Never noticed."

"Right and I never noticed how gay I am even though I've been fucking women since I was twelve years old," Kennedy snorted as she rolled her eyes. "When are you going to grow a pair and tell Buffy how you feel?"

"Never?"

"Faith..."

"What?"

"Forget about it. We'll talk about this another time. Come upstairs and we'll steal some of those cookies when they aren't looking," Kennedy laughed as she got up from the couch and pulled Faith up with her. "Then we can make fun of Luke behind Buffy's back and get drunk and hope to god we don't end up doing something embarrassing tonight."

"Nah, we'll save the embarrassing shit for the party tomorrow night."

Faith quickly finished her beer, leaving the empty bottle on the coffee table and followed Kennedy upstairs. The relief on her face was clear to almost everyone when she saw that Luke was no longer there, but the relief turned into something else when she saw Buffy standing by the stove looking as if she was about to cry. She didn't even need to ask Buffy what was wrong. She already had an idea and she knew that Buffy was clearly upset over the news of Dawn and Xander's engagement.

Unable to find it in herself to go up to Buffy and offer her the friendly words that she longed to hear, to tell her it'd happen for her one day, she joined everyone at the table and tried so desperately to keep herself from looking over at Buffy. And she failed. There was no use fighting it anymore. She was already on the road to getting her heart broken and her dreams shattered once again and it was all because she loved Buffy. She knew that she'd never have a chance in hell to be with her. Buffy would never see her as nothing more than a friend, than a fellow Slayer who had been there for her on and off through some of the best and the worst times of her life.

She knew she was digging herself in a deep hole and she knew that she had been doing it for a hell of a lot longer than just tonight. She was feeling too much and not enough and she wanted the world to stop spinning long enough for her to be able to catch up and slow down at the same time. She wanted to stop feeling so confused, so conflicted. She was getting too old for this shit.

Kennedy had been right. She needed to grow a pair and just tell Buffy how she felt. Easier said than done.


	2. Chapter 2

Faith had tossed and turned all night and when she finally fell asleep, the first rays of sunlight had just begun to peek through the heavy curtains draped over the windows in her room. She gave up on sleep and pulled herself out of bed, throwing on a pair of old sweats and her black tank and headed down to the basement.

She groaned when she found Buffy already down in the basement, stretching out on the mats she'd laid out on the floor. She almost turned around and went back up the stairs, but she was halfway down and she was itching to let out some of her frustrations on the punching bag.

"Morning, Faith."

"Morning," she mumbled as she reached the bottom of the stairs and grabbed the tape off the shelf.

Buffy flipped on the radio, heavy rock filling the silent basement and causing Faith's body to grow a little tense. "Any reason you're up so early today?"

She didn't answer her. She finished taping up her hands and walked up to the punching bag. She flexed her muscles as she let the music consume her and drive her and do everything but relax her. She began a series of complex jabs and kicks, feeling Buffy's eyes on her the entire time. She couldn't stop the smirk from falling into place as she stopped and turned to look at Buffy, casually wiping away the strands of hair stuck to the side of her face.

"Should we...spar for a little while?" Buffy asked, standing up from the mats and stretching out slowly. "It's been awhile and Kennedy can never keep up."

Alarm bells were going off in Faith's head as she slowly nodded and began unwrapping the tape from her hands. She had avoided sparring with Buffy since she'd come back. It was heated, it was rough, and it always left her feeling like she'd just had the best sex of her life even though it was far from it. Sparring with Buffy had always been a rush. Nobody had ever been able to be a match for her and she knew nobody had been able to be a match for Buffy either.

"Sure, B. We'll go at it for an hour then go up and get some grub," she smirked as she tossed the tape to the ground and strolled up to her. "Got to warn you though. I've been a little worked up lately."

"I won't go easy on you. I never do."

"Good. I was hoping you'd say that."

They circled each other for a few moments, anticipating the other to make the first move. As soon as Buffy threw the first punch, they were unstoppable, matching each other move for move, neither of them managing to get any worthy shot in. Faith had learned over the years it wasn't about winning when she sparred with Buffy, it was about learning, improving her skills. Though she'd never admit to Buffy or anyone else that she knew Buffy was just that much better, that much quicker than her.

It was like a dance between them, effortlessly smooth with skill and precision. They were almost a perfect match for one another when it came down to sparring. There was no doubt about that, there never had been and there never would be. The punches and kicks thrown were never hard enough to leave any lasting damage, much less a few slight bruises that would fade in a few short hours. Every time Faith managed to connect to Buffy, whether she blocked her or Buffy did the blocking, the electric-like shots she felt as soon as their skin touched nearly threw her off. It took her a lot to resolve her cool, to hold herself back and she held up her hands, signalling Buffy to take a break and she backed up, breathless with a smirk upon her face as she caught Buffy staring at her intensely.

"That all you got, Faithy?"

"Faithy?" Faith laughed as she swept her leg around, catching Buffy off-guard and she fell back onto the mats. Faith wasted not a second and had her pinned down. "Better watch what you call me, B."

She saw it again then, that glimmer in Buffy's eyes. It was unmistakable now and she knew exactly what she saw. Lust. Pure raging lust and desire and it was purely for her. Buffy made no attempt to throw her off of her as her breathing quickened, her body slightly shaking under Faith's as if she was holding herself back from something. Something Faith couldn't and didn't want to think about. She pushed herself up off of her and walked over to the fridge. She pulled out two bottles of water and tossed one at Buffy.

"I'm done for today, B."

"Giving up so soon? We've barely started. It isn't like you to give up after not even fifteen minutes."

"Going on no sleep here," Faith replied as she leaned against the fridge and took a sip of her water. "Just came down to work out some tension. Didn't expect to find you down here so early either."

"Faith, I think we need to sit down and talk. You've done nothing but avoid me since you've come back."

"No I haven't."

"Yes, you have," Buffy sighed as she stayed where she was on the mats, propped up on her elbow with her bottle of water in one hand. "No time better than the present to talk about what the hell is going on with you lately."

"Nothing is going on. Could you just drop it?"

"Defensive Faith means one thing," Buffy chuckled as she stood up and stopped her from heading for the stairs. "We're friends, right?"

"Sure."

"Then why can't you talk to me?"

"Cos there is nothing to fucking talk about, that's why!"

"I beg to differ."

"Differ all you want, B. I'm going to go grab a shower, get some grub and get some sleep."

She stepped past Buffy, her whole body itching to work out some more of the tension that just didn't seem to go away. She knew she couldn't keep avoiding Buffy the way she had been. Sooner or later she'd give in and tell her just what was bothering her. It was the last thing she wanted to do. They'd come a long way to bring their friendship to where it was now and even though it wasn't a stable friendship; it was something more than they'd ever had before. She didn't want to lose that either.

Nobody else was awake and she was glad for that. She knew she looked like a mess, she felt like one inside and out. After she took a long, hot shower to relax her aching, stiff muscles, she crawled into bed, ignoring the hunger pains and tried to get some sleep. It didn't help that every one of her senses were on high alert. Her body remembering the feel of Buffy's underneath hers as she had her pinned to the mat. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Buffy staring deeply into her own, lust and desire clouding her eyes, darkening them.

"Fuck," Faith groaned as she pulled the covers over her head.

She tossed and turned for what felt like hours and when she finally fell asleep, that's when she started to hear the voices clearly in her head, the voices she'd ignored for years. The voices that told her to take what she wanted, how she wanted it with no regrets, no remorse and no more holding back. She was so tired of it. Tired of feeling helpless when it came to her own emotions, tired of feeling jealous every time she saw Buffy with Luke, or any other guy for that matter. She was so fucking tired of being alone. Her one night stands were enough to just satisfy her for the moment and it wasn't nearly enough to satisfy the deep longing she had for something more.

She finally gave up on trying to get some sleep all together after she continuously woke up with a million different thoughts racing through her mind all at once. It didn't help that all she could hear was laughter erupting throughout the house and the chills that ran down her spine whenever she heard Buffy's voice, Buffy's laughter above all the others.

She was letting her feelings consume her. She'd never let it get like this before and she hated how it was making her feel. This wasn't who she was. She didn't ever have deep feelings of lust and love mixed together for anyone. Ever. It felt dangerous to her for having these feelings, for finally admitting them to herself. She knew that she wouldn't be able to protect herself from having her heart broken. The way things were going, that was exactly what would end up happening if she didn't do something about it. Just what exactly she had to do, she wasn't so sure. It wasn't like she could just walk up to Buffy and declare her undying love for her, could she?

No. She couldn't. That wasn't her. That'd never be her. As deep in love with Buffy as she knew she was, she wasn't ready to step out and blatantly admit it. At least not to her face and definitely not while Buffy was still with Luke. She was selfish at times, but she wasn't selfish enough to come between two people who obviously seemed happy and in love with each other. If that's what was even there. With Buffy, sometimes she didn't know. She knew she tried so hard to be in love with whatever guy she was with at the moment, but as Buffy had told her before once, it was never enough to try. Love should just happen, it should happen without making an effort to try and find reasons to fall in love with the other person.

Laughing at the shit she was coming up with in her head, she went downstairs, lured down there by the smell of pancakes and freshly brewed coffee. Everyone was in the kitchen, eating and talking quietly and all eyes fell upon her as she strolled in and grabbed herself a plate.

"What?" Faith asked as she helped herself to what was left of the pancakes. "Do I have something on my face or something?"

"No," Dawn laughed as she shook her head. "Last one up, last one to eat. You have dishes duty."

"Technically, Dawnie," Faith smirked as she sat at the table next to her and Kennedy. "I've been up since the ass crack of dawn and last one to eat you say? You still got some on your plate. Don't think I can't win, do you?"

"Faith..." Dawn whined as she watched with wide eyes as Faith began shoving full pancakes into her mouth.

"Girls," Joyce said firmly. "What have I told you before about trying to out eat each other?"

Faith held back a laugh as she stopped shoving the pancakes in her mouth. "Sorry, Joyce."

"It's like having two teenagers in the house all over again," Joyce muttered under her breath as she shook her head, but the smile she flashed at Faith briefly told her, as always, it didn't bother her as much as she made it out to be. "You two both have dishes duty this morning."

"Mom!"

"Dawnie, that's enough. Act your age for once."

"But Faith..."

"Is being Faith. You should know better by now."

Faith smiled smugly at Dawn as she ate the last pancake and shoved the plate forward. "Hit the spot."

She looked over at Buffy sitting across from her and when their eyes met, her stomach leapt and filled with butterflies. She stood up quickly and brought her plate to the sink, trying to force back the blush she felt creeping across her cheeks. What the hell was wrong with her? She couldn't even just look at Buffy anymore. It was seriously becoming a pain in the ass and she knew she either had to let go of her feelings or deal with them. Soon.

Everyone filed out of the kitchen, most of them going off their separate ways to relax before the party that night. She turned her head slightly as she filled up the sink and watched as Dawn and Buffy spoke quietly at the table. The butterflies came back in full force when Dawn walked out of the kitchen and Buffy began bringing the dishes over to the sink.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking over for Dawn. You and I really have to talk, Faith."

"About what?"

Buffy sighed as she dropped some of the plates in the sink. "About whatever the hell has been bothering you since you came back. Do you not want to be here?"

"No, it's not that, B."

"Faith, I hate pushing you, but I want to know what's going on. Whatever it is, it's pushing us apart and I thought we said we weren't going to do that anymore?"

"You. You've been bothering me," Faith muttered under her breath.

"Me? What have I been doing?"

"It's not what you've been doing, Buffy. I...it's how I feel about you."

"How you...oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

They were silent for awhile. Faith washed and Buffy dried, neither of them allowing their eyes to meet even for a second. Surprisingly she didn't feel uncomfortable and even though she hadn't told Buffy exactly how she felt, she knew she didn't need to. Buffy was putting the pieces together and she could almost feel what she was thinking right then. As soon as she'd washed the last dish and rinsed it off, she turned and walked out of the kitchen. Buffy was following close behind and Faith stopped when she reached the basement door.

"Look, B...I don't want to talk about this, okay? So just do us both a favour and leave me alone right now."

"I need to know."

"What more do you need to know?"

"How do you feel about me? Do you just want to, you know, or is it something more?"

"Little of both," Faith shrugged, suddenly feeling uncomfortable standing there with Buffy trying desperately to get her to look into her eyes. "Don't worry though. I'm not going to make any kind of fucking moves on you. I know you don't swing that way."

"How do you know that? You've been in and out of my life since we left Sunnydale. There are some things I've done that just might surprise you."

"Like what?"

Buffy shook her head as she took Faith's hand and pulled her down into the basement, obviously not wanting to talk about it where anyone could overhear them. They walked down the stairs, Buffy still holding onto Faith's hand and abruptly letting go as soon as they stepped off the last step. Faith turned to look at her, her mouth growing dry as she saw the conflicted look in Buffy's eyes. She was afraid of whatever Buffy would end up telling her. A part of her didn't want to hear it, didn't want to know, but a bigger part of her was just itching to find out all the things she'd missed and all of the things she yet didn't know.

"A couple of months ago, before I met Luke, I uh sort of was seeing this girl on and off," Buffy said softly and quickly as her faced flushed and her eyes darted around, looking everywhere but at Faith. "It wasn't serious. We were just...you know, fooling around."

"Really?" Faith laughed, trying to hide her shock and surprise by walking over to the punching bag and tapping it a few times. "You got wriggly with a girl?"

"Yes."

"Did you like it?"

"I guess so," Buffy shrugged as she walked up behind Faith and made her turn around to look at her. "Lay it straight out on the line for me, Faith. How do you feel about me? Is this a lust thing or a...love thing?"

"Yes."

"Yes to what?"

"Both."

"You love me?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"No."

Faith breathed in deeply as she stepped back from Buffy. She felt like she couldn't breathe and at the same time she felt a sense of relief that it was out there in the open now. Just a day ago she would never have thought she'd find herself in this situation, at least not so soon. She wasn't good at revealing her feelings, having her soul practically open for Buffy to look right into it if she wanted to. That was exactly what she was trying to do too as she took a few steps towards Faith.

"How long?"

"Dunno."

"Sure you do," Buffy said softly, a small smile slipping out as she reached up and gently ran her fingers over Faith's jaw and turned her head so she would look at her. "How long have you felt this way about me?"

"Too long."

"How come you never told me?"

"I got my reasons."

"So you just thought if you didn't tell me and tried to keep it to yourself that it'd what, just go away?"

Faith shrugged as she backed up some more and groaned when she backed right up into the wall. "Buffy look, I just finally fucking admitted it to myself yesterday how I feel about you. I'm trying to deal with it right now, okay. You being like this and invading my personal space is not helping."

"Just yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Okay then."

With that, Buffy left her down there in the basement alone. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her blood nearly boiling her as it raced through her veins. Her head was spinning as she made her way over to the couch and sat down. Did that really just happen? Did she just tell Buffy how she felt, with as little words as she'd used? The lack of sleep was surely messing with her head. She had no doubt about that. She couldn't seem to hold onto one solid thought as she laid back on the couch and closed her eyes. She needed to sleep. Her whole body was aching for it. She needed to fall asleep and wake up and she couldn't shake the sliver of hope she had that maybe all of this was just a dream, a nightmare and she'd wake up somewhere else, somewhere alone. Somewhere where she didn't feel this way about Buffy and her life, her thoughts and her feelings were just the way she'd always known it all to be.

When she woke hours later she knew it was after five. She'd slept most of the afternoon down in the basement on the couch, a dreamless sleep, slightly restless, but she had slept away most of the exhaustion that had taken over in her in the last couple of days. With a groan she got up from the couch and made her way across the dark basement to the stairs. The house was quiet and much to her relief everyone seemed to be off in their own rooms getting ready for the party that would be starting in less than an hour.

"Faith, where the hell you been all afternoon?" Kennedy asked when she opened her bedroom door as Faith walked past.

"In the basement. Kind of passed out on the couch down there."

Kennedy grabbed onto her arm before she could walk away and pulled her into her room. "What the hell went on with you and Buffy this morning?"

"What are you talking about?"

"She spent the entire afternoon with Willow talking about you. Did you tell her?"

"Sort of."

"And?"

"And what? What do you want me to tell you? That I'm acting like a fucking coward right now?"

Kennedy shook her head as she walked over to the dresser and pulled out a small bottle of whiskey. "You have no idea what they've been talking about, do you?"

"Uh no, cos I been fucking sleeping all afternoon. Enlighten me here, Ken."

"I was eavesdropping for awhile and I heard Buffy say a few things I thought you should know."

"And..."

"And it's not really my place to tell you this, but she has feelings for you too. I know, shocker," Kennedy laughed as she rolled her eyes and unscrewed the cap off the bottle and offered Faith a drink first. "So tell me, what are you going to do about it now?"

"Do about it?" Faith asked, shrugging as she took the bottle from her and took a sip. "Nothing?"

"You can't do nothing!"

"Why the fuck not? It's what I do best."

"Do you have to be so goddamn stubborn all the time?"

Faith smirked as she nodded her head. "Sure I do."

"Buffy wants you, you want her. What's stopping you?"

"You mean aside from the obvious?"

"Which is?"

"Luke."

Kennedy sighed out loudly as she took the bottle from Faith and took a few sips before sitting down on her unmade bed. "You know Buffy's track record when it comes to the guys she dates. It'll be over soon between them. You and I both know that for a fact."

"Not soon enough," Faith said softly under her breath as she began pacing the floor at the foot of the bed.

She and Kennedy weren't what she'd call the best of friends, but they were somewhat close. Close in the sense that whenever she'd come back before, they'd spent the nights drinking, laughing and joking around with one another. Kennedy had always teased her about Buffy and before it never bothered her. It didn't until she'd come back for good. The knowing glances from Kennedy, the little things she'd say and the talk they'd had the night before. She realized how stupid she was. She did have someone to talk to, someone that would understand where she was coming from, and someone that would listen to her without prejudice, without worry, without any hint of malice in their voice when they gave her their honest opinion of the matter at hand.

Faith grabbed the bottle back from Kennedy, taking a few swigs before she handed it back and sat down next to her on the bed. She laughed to herself for a moment, shaking her head as she laid back on the bed and stared blankly up at the ceiling before she looked over at Kennedy.

"You know what's fucked up?"

"What?"

"That I didn't admit this whole fucking 'love' thing to myself until yesterday. I mean I always knew how I felt, but I never went and accepted it."

"You're growing up, Faith. Leaving your old habits behind, technically."

"Well, it has been a few days since I brought anyone back," she chuckled softly as she placed her hands behind her head and sighed out loudly. "See, that's one thing I'm worried about here. Buffy is never gonna be able to look past that side of me and it's not like I'm gonna be able to just let it go, you know?"

"You'd be surprised what you'd be able to do when you are in love with someone, the things you'd change about yourself just for them. The possibilities are endless."

"Wouldn't know. Never been in love with anyone before."

"You are surely missing out on one of the best things in the world if you haven't."

"So I've heard."

Faith laid there for awhile, just staring up at the ceiling and picking out her thoughts one by one as the whiskey started to give her a slight buzz. Kennedy ended up kicking her out after they'd finished the bottle, telling her she better be ready for the party in ten minutes or else. It was a friendly threat, useless though. Despite the buzz coursing through her body, the reality of it all crashed down on her. It was Christmas Eve and the annual party with all the closest neighbours was about to start and she hated Christmas, she hated the party and the only thing she actually liked about Christmas was the vast amounts of alcohol at her fingertips.

She debated for awhile what to wear and ended up settling on a pair of old black leather pants she hadn't worn in years and a simple red button down shirt. Tis the season and all she figured. After taking a long hard look in the mirror, she headed downstairs as the guest began arriving. Some people brought presents, others brought food and alcohol. It wasn't long before she found herself ducking out onto the front porch with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a handful of cookies in the other.

She ducked out because she couldn't stand seeing Buffy in her cute little red dress and a smile upon her face as she mingled with the guests. Every time she looked at her she felt like her heart was about to leap out of her chest. She felt like she was suffocating and it was becoming too much for her to handle. Doing what she always did, she needed to be off alone for a little while, just long enough to push her lascivious thoughts she was having of pushing Buffy up against the wall in the hallway and pulling up her cute little red dress and fucking her senseless.

"Care to make this party of one a party of two?" Buffy asked softly as she opened the front door and stepped outside, pulling a heavy coat on as she closed the door behind her. "Are you not having fun?"

"Having plenty of fun, B."

Faith held up the bottle of whiskey and ate the last cookie. She smirked at Buffy's disapproving look and took a swig from the bottle before offering her some. With a shrug, Buffy took it and took a small, tentative sip before handing it back to her.

"Aren't you cold?"

"Got the whiskey for that. Warm me up in no time. Shouldn't you be inside?"

"Kind of wanted to go off and be alone for awhile. Didn't expect to find you out here alone."

"What did you expect?"

Buffy shrugged as she met Faith's intense stare for a moment before looking down at the ground. "I don't know what I expect from you anymore. Especially not after this morning."

Faith sighed and didn't step away when Buffy moved in closer. She wanted to tell her to go back inside, tell her off, but those thoughts faded when Buffy slipped her arm around her waist and reached for the bottle of whiskey in her hand. With a sly smile, she took another swig and handed the bottle back to her, not moving away at first until they both heard the front door open.

"You should get back inside, entertain the guests or whatever," Faith said softly as she watched a young couple walk out the front door, both already clearly drunk and giggling as they made their way down to the far end of the porch. "I'll be inside in a little while."

Buffy nodded, stepping away from her and slowly sliding her arm from around her, her fingertips just grazing across the edge of Faith's shirt. She held back the shiver that went through her entire body and it wasn't from the cold. It was from the look in Buffy's eyes as she backed away. She held her breath, and her resolve, and watched her walk back inside and as soon as the door clicked shut, she let out a sigh of relief.

She wasn't sure how she was going to get through the night without cornering Buffy and kissing her, at least once, but she knew it was going to be next to impossible. She was never one to hold back on impulses, especially not when those impulses were driven by lust and the lust was driven by love. She had to close her eyes and when she did, all she saw was the images she'd first seen in her mind when she first laid her eyes on Buffy in that dress. Her heart was pounding and her skin was itching for some kind of release, a release she knew she wouldn't get. At least she wouldn't get it tonight and especially not from Buffy.

She felt conflicted, especially when she let herself wonder if things would have been easier if she hadn't come back, if Buffy really did feel the same way, if Luke was out of the picture. On and on she thought nothing of the what ifs. It was a vicious cycle, one she wanted so desperately to end. It wouldn't be easy to end the vicious cycle she was trapped in either. She still had her doubts and her fears of rejection and heartbreak. She had her fears that things might actually end up working out for her in the end and that she'd get what she wanted, that she'd finally be able to give her heart to Buffy even though she knew she'd done just that the first time she'd ever laid her eyes on her so long ago.


	3. Chapter 3

Faith woke up early the next morning, her body aching and her head pounding. It took her several minutes to open her eyes and when she did, she realized she wasn't in her room. She stretched out slowly, groaning as the faint smell of sex filled the warm air around her. The dull ache between her legs was unmistakable and she squinted again, faintly looking around the dark room.

She sat straight up in bed when she realized where she was. In Buffy's room. Naked and in Buffy's bed. Her eyes went wide as she looked down at Buffy sleeping next to her. She didn't, did she? All the signs pointed to yes. She slipped out of bed without waking Buffy and spotted her clothes scattered over the floor. Without bothering to stick around long enough to get dressed, she grabbed her clothes and made a mad dash to her room down the hall.

"What the hell happened last night?" Faith groaned as she fell onto her bed and closed her eyes, trying to remember what really did happen.

She'd been drunk, everyone had been. She remembered taking shot after shot with Buffy, Willow and Kennedy in the kitchen. She remembered dancing, if what she and Buffy were doing could be classified as dancing and she remembered pulling her into the hallway, kissing her until Buffy begged for more. The details were hazy after that and she groaned loudly into her pillow as a surge of arousal filled her body. The lingering feeling of disappointment for not remembering what happened after she kissed her filled her too and she felt guilty, ashamed.

She'd ruined it. She ruined her friendship with Buffy and she ruined any chance she had of having something more with Buffy when the time was right for them, if the time would have ever come. She wanted to pack up her shit and run as far and fast as she could. She wanted to get out of there before she could be confronted by Buffy about what happened between them. She had to hope that Buffy didn't remember last night at all. The last thing she wanted was for things to end up this way between them. It wasn't supposed to be that way. It wasn't supposed to end up being a drunk fuck between friends.

She wanted to call it a mistake, but something deep down told her it was far from being one. All the conflicted, confusing feelings came rushing back to her as she laid there and tried to ignore them along with the pounding headache that began to creep up on her. It never felt like this the morning after a drunken one-night stand. Then again, she'd never had one with Buffy much less ever thought she would. She wanted to talk to Buffy about what happened between them, but she knew she ruined her chance when she freaked out and left her there alone in her bed before she even woke up.

Finally after about an hour of laying there in her bed, trying not to think about everything that happened and failing miserably, she got up and got dressed in a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt. Everyone was awake now and already downstairs. She could hear the laughter as they all talked about the party the night before. She opened her door as Buffy walked past her room and their eyes met briefly before Buffy quickly turned her head, her cheeks flushed and her body looking tense as she headed for the stairs. She waited for a moment before heading down the stairs herself, knowing it'd be best to avoid Buffy for most of the day, if not for the rest of their lives.

"Would you like some coffee, Faith?" Joyce asked with a smile as soon as Faith had walked into the kitchen. "Quite a rough morning for everyone, isn't it?"

"Could say that and I'd love some coffee," Faith replied, flashing a forced smile as she leaned against the counter.

"Did you manage to enjoy the party last night? Last I saw of you was when you and the girls were in here drinking."

"Yeah, it was alright," Faith shrugged, trying to play it cool. The last thing she needed was for Joyce to find out what happened between her and Buffy last night. "Barely even remember going to bed."

Joyce laughed as she poured Faith a cup of coffee and slid it across the counter. They were quiet, which wasn't too unusual between the two of them. Joyce looked at her as if she wanted to say something, but whatever it was, she shook her head and left Faith standing there alone in the kitchen. She sighed as she leaned against the counter and listened to everyone out in the living room as they exchanged gifts. Her head was still pounding and the coffee helped a little, but it didn't take away the feeling of guilt that still lingered there.

She tensed up when Buffy walked into the kitchen and without saying a word or even looking at her she got herself a cup of coffee and stood a couple feet away from her. Their eyes met briefly and that same blush crept across Buffy's cheeks when she allowed herself to look at Faith for longer than a split second. Faith wanted to talk to her about what had happened and she wasn't so sure how to or where to even start. She wanted to know if Buffy regretted what happened between them, if she felt guilty for giving into her advances.

"Buffy, are you coming back in?" Dawn called out, breaking Buffy's gaze away from Faith instantly.

"Are you coming?" Buffy asked her softly and Faith shook her head no. "Well, there are presents under the tree with your name on it. I haven't opened your gift yet. Stop being such a scrooge and come open your presents."

"Whatever," Faith muttered under her breath as she followed Buffy out into the living room and sat on the unoccupied couch furthest from the tree and everyone else.

She didn't feel all there right then. All she could do was stare at Buffy and watch as she opened the few gifts that were thrust in front of her. Everything went by in a blurry haze, much like it had the night before. Gifts were exchanged, thank you's were given and when everyone had opened their gifts they all went into the kitchen and helped make a big Christmas morning breakfast. And by helped that meant Faith sat on the counter watching Buffy and Willow make up the pancakes while she drank her second cup of coffee.

"What happened to you last night?" Kennedy asked as she hoisted herself up on the counter next to her. "We were all looking for you and Buffy."

Faith saw Buffy visibly tense up, but made no move to turn to face Kennedy and explain her version of things. Faith could only shrug as she looked at Kennedy. "Passed out. Had a bit too much to drink."

"Oh," she smirked as she looked at Faith then over at Buffy. "Oh!"

"Don't," Faith whispered under her breath as she shook her head, warning Kennedy with a death glare not to say another word.

"Did you and Buffy..."

Faith groaned as she hopped off the counter and placed her mug in the sink and headed upstairs. There was no way she was going to sit there and listen to Kennedy try to get the details out of her while everyone else was around them. She tried not to get angry as she slammed her bedroom door shut behind her and without thinking twice about it she started packing a few changes of clothes into her small duffle bag. She needed to get out of the house for a couple days, a week at most. She was doing exactly what she was used to doing. Running when she couldn't deal. A soft knock at the door jolted her from her angered trance and she flung open the door to find Buffy standing there with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Hey," she said softly, her eyes reluctantly meeting Faith's. "Can I come in for a minute?"

"Sure."

Buffy looked uncomfortable as she walked into Faith's room and stood by the end of the bed for a moment before sitting down. Faith's mouth felt dry as she stood by the door, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, afraid to say anything. She looked over at Buffy, unable to pick up on what she was feeling as she stared into her eyes. Did she regret it? Was she angry? Upset? Faith took in a deep breath as she leaned against the door and waited for her to speak.

"We need to talk about what happened last night."

"It was a mistake, wasn't it?"

"I don't know what it was, Faith. I barely remember what happened after you kissed me."

Faith didn't know what to say. She'd never been in a situation like this before. Sure she'd had awkward one-night stands, more than enough to last her a lifetime, but it was different this time. It was Buffy. The fact that she couldn't remember what happened as soon as they were in Buffy's room was making her feel worse about the whole thing.

"I don't even know how to talk to you about this. I've never been in this situation before," Buffy said softly as she looked up at her. "I thought I'd feel awkward coming in here to talk to you about this, but surprisingly I don't."

"Guess that means you have no regrets about last night then," Faith said softly, fighting back the urge to smile at her. "Do you?"

"The only feeling I have right now is how upset I still am that you were gone when I woke up. I felt you leave and it...it hurt me a little that you would just get up and leave me like that before we had a chance to talk about what happened."

"It's what I do, Buffy. You should know this by now. I fuck and then I run."

"So last night was just a fuck for you, wasn't it?" Buffy asked harshly, venom in her voice as she stood up from the bed and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm just another notch in your bedpost, aren't I?"

"No, it wasn't like that, Buffy."

"Then why did you leave?"

"I freaked!" Faith said softly, trying to keep her temper and her emotions under control. "I woke up and I completely freaked out."

"You think I didn't start freaking out when I woke up a couple of hours ago with you draped over me, passed out and completely naked?"

"What's gonna happen then, Buffy?"

"I don't know."

"Gonna be kind of hard to be friends after this, isn't it?"

"It doesn't have to be."

"Sex complicates everything," Faith said softly as she felt tears stinging her eyes. She knew no matter what either of them said right now, nothing was ever going to be the same. "I don't want it to, but it is and it already has."

"Faith...this is how I expected it to happen."

"Expected what to happen?"

"You, me...us."

"You expected there to be an 'us'? How can there be an 'us' when Luke is still in the picture?"

"I don't know," Buffy shrugged as she walked up to Faith. "I don't know what I expected after yesterday. I think what happened last night had a lot more to do with me than it did with you. I played you. I used you."

"Takes two people to fuck, B."

"I know that," she sighed out as she shook her head and slowly brought her eyes to meet Faith's intense gaze. "Things just got out of hand last night."

"No shit."

"You feel okay talking about this?"

"How the hell am I supposed to feel right now, Buffy?"

"I don't know!" Buffy's eyes showed too many different emotions. Anger, hurt and a few others that Faith couldn't quite pick up on. She breathed out heavily as she glanced down at the bag at the foot of the bed. "Are you leaving?"

"For a couple days."

"Why?"

"I need space. I need some time to sort through some of the shit in my head and I sure as fuck can't do it here."

"Why?"

"Did you not just hear a word I said?"

"I heard you. I just don't understand why you are running from this and why it's so hard for you to talk about what happened between us last night."

"We fucked, Buffy! At least that's how it felt when I woke up in your bed, naked and sore and feeling more satisfied than I ever have in my life. I'm leaving for a couple of days cos if I don't..."

"If you don't? Tell me."

"I'll end up...driving myself absolutely fucking crazy trying not to kiss you, touch you and fuck you again. I can't even fucking look at you right now without trying to remember what it felt like last night. I can't fucking remember and I can't help but think that's probably a good thing!"

"Are you listening to a single word that you are saying to me right now?" Buffy asked, her voice cracking with emotion as she reached out for Faith's hands. "Do you even know that what you are saying to me right now hurts me more than anything?"

"I'm an asshole."

"You are. But you don't have to be."

"It's who I am."

"Then change that part about yourself. Stop being such an asshole."

"Don't know how."

"How many years have we been friends?" Buffy asked softly as she wrapped her arms around Faith and held her close. "How many years has it been?"

"That we've been friends or how long we've known each other?"

"Both."

"Little over ten years."

"And in those ten years, have we ever been through anything together that we couldn't get through and come out stronger in the end?"

"No. What's your point, Buffy?"

"My point," she said softly as she leaned back a little to look up into Faith's eyes. "My point is, even though this has changed everything between us, we'll get over it and we'll move on. And for the record, Faith, I'm already driving myself crazy trying not to kiss you right now."

There was too much going on that Faith had to take a step back and take in a deep, shaky breath. She had to give it all a couple of minutes to sink in and once it had, she couldn't keep herself from feeling a little overwhelmed. Buffy wanted her as much as she wanted Buffy. She had no regrets about what happened between them and from the way Buffy was now looking at her she knew it was definitely not going to be a onetime thing between them. So much had been let out in the past ten minutes that it felt like hours, a lifetime, had passed.

"So, you're okay with what happened last night then? No regrets?"

"No," Buffy said, shaking her head slightly. "No regrets."

"What about Luke?"

"Would have never worked out anyway."

"No, B..." Faith sighed as she pulled Buffy's arms from around her and stepped away from her. "You cheated on him with me last night and I'm not gonna let that happen again. Not until you end it."

"I've never done anything like this before. I've never cheated on anyone."

"I know."

"I don't want anyone to find out about last night either."

"Gotcha. I'm not gonna say a word."

"Faith?" Buffy frowned as she held back her tears. "What are we going to do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"We can't just go back to being friends, can we?"

Faith shrugged as she began pacing around her room, trying to figure out what was the right thing to say. She knew she wanted Buffy, she knew she wanted to be with Buffy, but the problem was could she actually be with Buffy and not end up breaking her heart when she found the commitment to be too much? Relationships were one thing she never did, mostly out of fear of getting her heart broken or hurting the other person, but it was mostly because she was afraid of commitment in general.

"I can't do the whole...girlfriend thing, Buffy."

"Oh."

"It's not you. It's me."

Buffy laughed as Faith stopped pacing and realized how that sounded. "Already breaking up with me and we haven't even gotten that far yet."

"I'm not good at this kind of shit."

"I'm patient."

"No, you aren't, B."

They both laughed, suddenly feeling a little more at ease than before. Faith sat down on the edge of the bed and gently nudged the bag near her feet and sighed out loudly. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want to run off even for a couple of days just to sort out the shit in her head when it had already pretty much had been sorted out by now. Now all she had to do was figure out where to go from here and it wasn't going to be easy. It was going to be a struggle and it was going to have a lot of ups and downs and tears and laughter all mixed in.

She laid back on her bed and closed her eyes, trying to remember everything that had happened last night. Not remembering the little details, or much of the bigger ones, was bothering her to no end. How could she have slept with Buffy and not remember a single detail?

"I'm never drinking again," she groaned under her breath as she felt Buffy sit down on the bed next to her. "How could I fucking forget last night?"

"I've been asking myself the same thing all morning," Buffy whispered as she reached for Faith's hands and slowly intertwined their fingers. "At first I didn't know how to feel about what happened between us and then, every time I caught you looking at me, that's when I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That I was okay with what happened even though I can't remember anything after that kiss."

Faith turned her head and to look at her and smiled. She never remembered feeling all these things before and yet, no matter which way she felt like she was being pulled, she felt a sense of home, of peace lying right there next to her. She reached up and gently ran her fingertips over Buffy's jaw, the urge to kiss her stronger than ever. Faith knew they couldn't fight what they felt, she knew they couldn't just be friends and not pursue whatever it was building between them, be it lust, love or a mixture of both.

"What are you gonna do about Luke?"

"Tell him it's not working out?" Buffy offered with a shrug. "I really don't know what to tell him."

"How about the truth?"

"What is the truth? Are we together? Are we going to try to be together?"

Those words made Faith tense up, but she relaxed when Buffy gently squeezed her hand. "One thing at a time, B."

"How did we get here?"

"Dunno, really. In the words of Xander, must have been years of pent up sexual frustration."

"Is that what you two were talking about the other night?"

"Yeah."

"God. Does everyone know how you feel about me?"

"B, everyone knew how I felt about you before I did."

Buffy laughed softly as she moved in closer to her. Faith watched as she slowly licked her lips, her whole body reacting as Buffy leaned in and lightly kissed her. She lingered there for a moment, waiting for Faith to kiss her back and when she didn't, she pulled back and pouted slightly.

"We should probably get back downstairs. I'm thinking breakfast has probably gone cold on us by now."

"Buffy, wait."

Faith sat up and pulled her back down on the bed. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she pulled Buffy on top of her. She knew she shouldn't. She couldn't help it. She wanted her and every bit of her was screaming at her to take what she wanted, to take what Buffy was giving her. She kissed her softly at first, testing the waters and trying not to go too far too fast. She didn't want a replay of the night before, at least not until Luke was completely out of the picture. She deepened the kiss when Buffy moaned softly into her mouth and she felt as if she was floating, becoming completely lost within Buffy and their kiss.

It never felt like this before. She'd never felt surrounded by someone just by kissing them. She never felt like a part of someone the way she was feeling as if she was a part of Buffy. Her thoughts were beginning to distract her, only slightly, and she broke away from the kiss suddenly and smiled at Buffy as she breathed in deep and slowly opened her eyes.

"You were right. We should go down and get some breakfast. Kind of starving right now," Faith said softly as she gently rolled Buffy off of her and stood up. "I don't know how to figure this all out between us, B. I know we've talked it out, but I don't think..."

"It wasn't enough. We didn't say enough. We still have a lot to talk about."

"Right."

"Faith?"

"What, B?"

"You aren't still going to leave for a couple of days, are you?"

"Was thinking about it. Don't worry though, I'm not gonna leave. Tired of running all the time. I stopped that shit when I came back."

"We'll work this out," Buffy said softly as she followed Faith to the bedroom door and stopped her before she could open it. "It's going to be hard, but we'll work it out, Faith. I promise."

"I have no doubt about that."

She held herself back, not kissing Buffy when that's all she wanted. They had to take it one step at a time and if she let her libido take over, they'd end up in a world of pain. For once in her life she wanted to do the right thing. She wanted to have something real, something that meant more than just a fuck. It wasn't about getting her kicks anymore. It was about learning to love and learning to let Buffy love her. It was about being with Buffy, showing her that she cared about her. All those things were new, completely new to her, but she had a feeling she'd get it over time. She wasn't young and stupid and naive anymore. She knew what she wanted, she knew what she felt and she was going to deal with it like a sensible adult for once in her life.

Buffy gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before she went downstairs, leaving Faith standing there in the doorway, her hand clutching the doorknob until it creaked under the force of her grip. She was starving, but her body was craving the nicotine and she grabbed her jacket and headed straight for the front door.

Everything had turned out so different than the way she saw it unfolding in her mind. She had to pinch herself a few times while she stood on the front porch just to make sure she wasn't dreaming this entire thing. She laughed as she leaned against the post by the stairs, looking out over the front lawn and the freshly fallen snow that sparkled under the midday summer sun. She felt as if she was just waking up, seeing everything with new eyes and an open heart. Things were changing, they had been since she'd come back and even if she wanted to, she couldn't slow her life down, not when it felt like it was finally starting to begin.

All those lonely nights, all those women and the men before that she'd been with were just a faint, useless memory. A part of her past she had to let go of. She couldn't be that woman anymore. She couldn't act as if she didn't care of nothing more other than her own personal satisfaction. She couldn't be selfish and she knew she couldn't be afraid of whatever would come from this day on. She'd no longer feel alone even when she was. There was a new warmth in her heart and she embraced it with all that she had. Was this what love felt like? If it was, she knew she had definitely missed out on one of the greatest feelings in life.

The sound of the laughter coming from inside didn't make her roll her eyes this time. She just smiled and took another drag of her cigarette, feeling her heart swell slightly at the sound of Buffy's laughter over everyone else's. She was in love. She was infatuated. She was completely head over heels in love with the woman who had been her friend through too many bad times with some good mixed in. She wanted to climb to the rooftops and scream out her love and as cheesy as it made her feel for thinking just that, it felt right.

She thought about what she and Buffy had talked about. She'd never felt herself open up that way, not to Buffy or anyone else and it should have scared her, it should have made that urge to run away bigger than it had been before Buffy knocked on her door. She knew it took a lot for Buffy to come up there and talk to her about the night before. She knew it'd taken a lot for her not to push Buffy away like she always would have in the past. Love was definitely changing her. She could feel it with every breath she took.

She was still afraid of the commitment she knew she was slowly easing herself into. She wanted it, but she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to stick with it. It was feelings like that, those damn conflicted feelings, that made her linger back to the land of doubt. She didn't want to hurt Buffy, she didn't want to break her heart when she couldn't be everything that Buffy wanted and needed her to be. She was on a new road now, the road to salvation and she wouldn't let the thoughts of broken hearts and broken dreams stand in the way and hold her back.

Casually lighting another cigarette as soon as the first was finished, she sat down on the steps and closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the sun take away the chill of the cold that surrounded her. She smiled to herself as the door opened and Buffy walked out and sat down next to her, handing her a cup of coffee as Faith looked over at her.

"You okay?"

"Sure am."

"Just wanted to make sure," Buffy smiled as she leaned against her, shivering slightly as she held her own cup of coffee with both hands. "I'm not trying to be clingy right now either. I'm not clingy."

"I know."

"I just need to be with you right now."

"I know, B."

"You know, you still didn't open all your gifts."

Faith chuckled softly as she shook her head and took a long drag of her cigarette. "Yeah, I know. Christmas isn't over yet. Got the whole day ahead of us."

"Sure do," Buffy laughed and she looked at her with her eyebrows raised. "Wait. Did I hear that right? You aren't being bitter about it being Christmas anymore?"

"Nope. Turning out to be one hell of a Christmas this year."

"Definitely."

Faith felt the words 'I love you' lingering there on the tip of her tongue. But she wasn't ready to say the words to Buffy just yet. She'd cross that bridge when she was ready to. When they both were. It was going to be hard, probably one of the hardest things she'd ever have to do in her life, just being with Buffy, loving her and showing her that she cared about her. She still felt afraid, yet she knew she'd get through it all. She had to. And she knew she had no doubt in her mind that in the end, no matter how much of a struggle it proved to be, she'd be able to get through it all. Love was funny like that and she was just beginning to learn how to open up her heart.


	4. Chapter 4

The cemetery was quiet as Faith walked through it, trying to quickly get through patrol. There was a storm on its way and she didn't want to be caught outside when it started. She was already frozen, barely able to feel her lips or her fingertips as she shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. Kennedy walked ahead of her, shivering uncontrollably as she stopped and turned to face her.

"Think we're done for the night?"

"Yeah," Faith nodded as she looked around the quiet, empty cemetery. "No activity in the last two hours, I think it's pretty safe to say that for once the vamps and demons have some fucking common sense to stay out of the cold right before the storm hits."

"Explain to me why Buffy didn't come with you tonight again?"

"Cos," Faith shrugged. "Got to focus, you know?"

Kennedy laughed as she shook her head. "Can't focus with her around, huh? Gee, I wonder why."

They headed for the cemetery gates, neither saying another word. Faith was too busy trying to keep her mind off the events of the past day. It was as if her entire world had split open and a veil had been lifted from over her eyes. The talk with Buffy had really put everything out into the open. It had put both their hearts out there with nothing no longer there to hide behind. Of course Kennedy had gotten most of the details of the night before and of the talk she'd had with Buffy out of her as soon as they were out of the house and heading for the closest cemetery.

She'd been wrong the other day about Buffy being the only one she was close to of them all. She had a different bond with everyone and Kennedy was fast becoming one of her best friends. She had to laugh at that, though. She never quite had friends until after Sunnydale. She'd always just been an acquaintance with everyone, always only there when that second Slayer was needed. It was starting to look like finally accepting and coming out with her feelings for Buffy was lifting the heavier veil she had all those years.

"So," Kennedy sighed as they walked down the middle of the street as the first snowflakes fell from the sky. "Did Buffy say what she was going to do about Luke?"

"She said she's gonna end it," Faith shrugged. "I'm not holding my breath. I mean, she's gonna give up a sure thing for someone like me?"

"She's be stupid not to."

"Right...wait," Faith laughed as she stopped walking. "You said she'd be stupid not to? Ken, do you even know how I am when it comes to relationships?"

"No. You've never had one. We've got nothing to base these facts on. For all we know, you could be pulling some lame ass façade."

"Whatever."

"Tell me something," Kennedy said as they started walking again. "How long have you been in a relationship for?"

"Two days?" Faith shrugged. "Told you, I've never done the relationship thing. I've never wanted to before."

"Who was it?"

"Some guy in Boston. And I wouldn't call it a relationship. Not even close. We were drinking, we fucked, I passed out for half a day, woke up, fucked some more, you know. That was that, got up and left soon as I was sober."

Kennedy only nodded as they continued walking down the middle of the street, still a few blocks away from the house. She had a bitter taste in her mouth, sour, as she thought about the person she'd been most of her life. Nothing more than a whore. She felt dirty, not like she never did before, but it was really starting to get to her. She wanted to crawl out of her skin just remembering everything she'd ever done. She couldn't shake it and she headed straight down to the basement as soon as she and Kennedy had gotten back to the house.

It didn't take her very long to get into a rhythm as she punched and kicked the bag. She hadn't even bothered to turn on the music like she normally did, she was being driven by the self-hate she had for herself, for her promiscuous ways. She stopped only when the chain groaned under the stress and she stepped back, wiping away a few beads of sweat as they rolled down her forehead.

She panted slightly as she gripped onto the bag, the leather worn and she ran her fingers over the few spots that had already been taped numerous of times. A quick fix, unlike her life and all the little mistakes she'd made.

Closing her eyes, she tried to remember everything that had happened the night before. It was faint, like a trickle of a dream that you knew was a dream even if it really did feel real. The faint memories came back in small flashes at first. She remembered pulling Buffy into the hallway, kissing her as her hands roamed over her body and found the edge of her dress. She remembered how Buffy had shivered as she trailed her fingertips over her thighs, teasing her, wanting more. She remembered the look in Buffy's eyes as she pulled back from the kiss, the desire, the lust and the hint of love masked by her need. She remembered how Buffy took her hand and smiled at her as she pulled her up the stairs, the smile being the only thing she needed to know it was what Buffy wanted too.

"When did you get back?" Buffy asked softly as she stood at the bottom of the stairs, pulling Faith instantly out of the slight trance she had fallen into.

"Jesus, B. Give me a heart attack why don't you?" Faith laughed as she spun around to face her. "Didn't even hear you come down."

"And you call yourself a Slayer," Buffy smirked as she shook her head. "How was patrol?"

"A bust. Nothing in their right minds, if they even have minds, was out there tonight."

Buffy said nothing as she walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, smiling as she tossed it towards Faith. Her heart was still racing from the aggression she'd let out on the punching bag and from the slight memories of the night before. She needed to remember more, she needed to remember it all. She wanted to remember how Buffy felt beneath her. She wanted to remember how she'd tasted and how her skin quivered under her touch. It dawned on Faith in that moment as their eyes met that even though they'd been drunk, it was more than just a fuck. A hell of a lot more. It was years of lust, of sexual tension and recently discovered love. She felt shaken as she felt her body slightly go numb at the realization that she'd made love to Buffy and she couldn't even remember any of it.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure," she shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be okay, B?"

"You looked like you just went off somewhere else for a minute there."

"Been a long fucking day, is all. Guess it's really starting to catch up to me."

The tension was growing between them. She could almost taste it as she sucked in a deep breath. The relief on her face when Kennedy came down the stairs was hard to hide. Any second longer and she would have cornered Buffy and kissed her, fucked her up against the wall then made love to her on the couch without a second thought. She couldn't push those boundaries, especially not when Buffy was still with Luke. A surge of jealousy burned in the pit of her stomach as she took a sip of the cold water, watching as Kennedy grabbed one of the long swords from the rack on the wall.

"I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

"No," Buffy said quickly as she walked over to the couch and sat down. "We were just talking."

"Something you wanted, Ken?" Faith asked as she watched her run the tip of her fingers over the smooth, sharp blade of the sword.

"I wasn't tired and Will didn't...you know, she wasn't up for some loving tonight. Besides, I heard you beating the shit out of the bag down here and thought maybe you'd want to spar for awhile. Didn't know Buffy would be down here with you."

"I'll leave you two to it," Buffy said as she made no move to get up from the couch. Faith raised an eyebrow at her and she only laughed in return. "What, I can't watch?"

"Watch all you want to, B. Might learn a few things," Faith said with a wink as she waited for Kennedy to put the sword back on the rack. "Bring it, Ken. Ready when you are."

"Oh you are, are you?" Kennedy laughed as she did a few quick stretches. "And she's right, Buffy. You might learn a few things like how to kick her ass in five seconds or less."

Faith chuckled as she readied herself for Kennedy's first attack. It was always predictable and even though she'd been getting better over the last couple of years, she still wasn't as quick as Faith or Buffy was. She didn't mind sparring with Kennedy either. The banter and the jokes they threw between lazy punches and kicks always got them both laughing and they always ended up focusing more on trying to out-wit each other than actual training. It was different than sparring with Buffy. She never felt charged and like she was about to pin her to the ground just so she could feel her lithe body beneath hers.

As expected, Kennedy threw a right hook and Faith blocked it with ease, sweeping her leg around to catch Kennedy off guard. Kennedy groaned out loudly as she fell back onto the mats and rolled her eyes as Faith reached out with her hand and pulled her back to her feet.

"I'm thinking you were wrong about the ass kicking in five seconds or less, looks like I did it in two."

"Shut up," Kennedy grumbled as she jerked her hand away from Faith's. "Caught me off guard that's all."

"Then I'll just catch you when you are on guard," Faith chuckled as she threw a combination of kicks and punches at Kennedy, not the least surprised when every last move was blocked. "You've been improving. Impressive."

Faith continued, feeling Buffy's eyes on her the entire time. It was making her grow hot, not just with the strenuous workout, but hot with arousal and need. She had to keep herself under control and the knowing smirk on Kennedy's face as she held up her hands, signalling her to stop, told her Kennedy knew just what was going through her mind at that moment. She groaned as she sat down on the mats, trying to catch her breath and failing as she laid back and caught Buffy still staring down at her.

"Done already, Faith?" Kennedy asked, her tone mocking her as she stood over her. "You ready to call it?"

"Yes."

"Then say it."

"You're the better Slayer," Faith muttered as she closed her eyes. "For tonight."

She ignored the soft chuckle from Buffy as Kennedy headed up the stairs, softly saying goodnight before she closed the basement door behind her. Faith turned her head and opened her eyes and found Buffy smiling over at her.

"What?"

"Is it always like that between you two?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're actually having fun?"

"Sure," Faith shrugged as Buffy chuckled again. "What?"

"Nothing."

She leaned up on her elbows, a playful smile dancing across her own lips as she stared at Buffy. "No really, what? What are you thinking right now?"

"It's nothing. It's stupid really."

"Tell me."

Buffy shook her head, biting her lower lips as she shifted to get more comfortable on the couch. Faith studied her for a moment, trying to figure out what was going through her head. Just the way she was looking at her, it was much like she always had, but it was also very different. It took a lot of strength, a lot of resolve, not to get up and join her on the couch. Her libido was threatening to take over and after how she'd felt earlier, she had to keep herself under control.

"I was just thinking about last night, at least trying to remember last night."

"Oh," Faith smirked. "What parts do you remember?"

"I remember you ripping my dress off," she said softly, her voice thick with suggestion as she tilted her head to the side a little. "Well, technically I don't remember that part. I just found my dress on the floor nearly ripped to shreds. Definitely never going to be able to wear that again."

"Damn."

"I guess we got a little...out of control last night. I have bruises."

"Shit, I'm sorry, B."

"Don't," she said as she shook her head. "From the way I'm feeling today, I have no regrets. I've already told you this."

"I know, but bruises? Didn't think I was that rough with you."

"We both were from the tiniest bits I actually remember," Buffy said softly, unable to hide the blush as it crept over her cheeks. "It's never been like that for me."

"Me neither."

"I um, talked to Luke while you were out on patrol."

"And?"

"I couldn't tell him."

Faith's heart fell as she lowered her eyes and focused on the small tear in the mat in front of her. "You didn't tell him cos you can't or cos you don't want to?"

"I want to tell him and I told you I would. It didn't feel right doing it over the phone while he's down visiting his family. We just talked for awhile. He asked me about the party and I told him it was alright."

"Why are you even telling me this?"

"I thought you'd want to know..."

"Well you thought wrong, Buffy. The only thing I want to hear with Luke's name attached to it is when you tell me it's over between you and him."

Faith flinched when she saw Buffy's eyes fill with tears. This wasn't how she wanted things to go between them and as jealous and angry as she was that Luke was still very much in the picture, she couldn't let that get to her. Wherever things were going between her and Buffy weren't going to get there as quickly as she had hoped in the back of her mind. She wanted to be with Buffy, she wanted to kiss her, hold her, make love to her all night long and wake up with her in her arms. The thought of wanting those things scared her, momentarily, and she stood up from the mats and sighed out as she sat next to Buffy on the couch.

"It's not going to be easy for us, Buffy. Look at how it's started. It feels like one big fucking mess we've gotten ourselves into."

"A mess? By all means, Faith, tell me exactly how you feel."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's only a mess cos I can't be with you properly. Not yet."

"I know, Faith."

"This is all new to me," she said softly as she reached for Buffy's hand and intertwined their fingers. "I've never wanted something so much before. I'm afraid of it all too. I'm afraid of how I feel about you. I'm afraid of who I'm turning into cos I don't know where I'll end up. I want everything with you and yet at the same time I know we have to take things slow if we want it to work."

"That's exactly what I was just thinking."

"So, when things are over with you and Luke, we can start this," she said as she motioned between them with the hand not currently holding Buffy's. "Just don't string me along, Buffy. I don't think I could handle it."

Their eyes met, saying everything for them that they couldn't quite say just yet. Faith fought back her urge to lean over and kiss her and she could tell that Buffy was doing the same. It felt like forever that they sat there, their fingers intertwined and their eyes locked in an intense gaze full of longing, want and need. This was definitely different for Faith, a good different. Just being there with Buffy, soaking in each other in the quiet basement was enough. For now, it was enough.

They said goodnight almost an hour later, standing in the hallway near Buffy's door. Faith gave her a light kiss on the cheek, smiling almost shyly as she watched Buffy's eyelids flutter in surprise. She willed herself to walk away, unable to stand the fight she was having with herself, her conscience, her heart and her libido. With one last look back at Buffy before she opened her bedroom door, they smiled at each other and said goodnight once more.

Faith walked into her room, not bothering with the lights as she stripped out of her clothes and fell face first onto the bed. As tired as she was, she couldn't fall asleep. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her body aching and telling her it needed a nice, hot relaxing bath. She'd never been one for long baths and she'd gotten completely hooked on them when she'd first come back. The tub in the main bathroom next to Buffy's room was deep and it had a few jets. Groaning loudly as she pulled herself up from the bed, she grabbed her robe and headed down to the hallway, sighing with relief that the house was quiet and everyone seemed to be fast asleep.

She sat on the edge of the tub, watching as the water slowly filled it. She forced out all thoughts of Buffy, failing of course when she closed her eyes and pieces of the night before slowly began to come back to her. The images were blurry, fading at the edges as she listened to the water run, but they were there and they made her skin tingle in ways it only did whenever Buffy touched her.

The only flash of images she got was of Buffy beneath her, her nails raking up and down her back slowly as she thrust against her. Even in the flash of the memory she was getting, she could feel Buffy against her, she could smell her, almost taste her upon her lips along with the unmistakable taste of Jack Daniels and cheap vodka. Her whole body grew numb as her eyes flew open and she sighed out into the empty bathroom as she reached for the tap and shut the water off. She was burning inside now, aching for more even if it was just another memory.

The water was just hot enough as she stepped into the tub and she closed her eyes, hoping for more, yet nothing more came. She relaxed in the water, breathing out slowly as she tried to bring back more memories of the night before. It was driving her insane with need and desperate for more. She wanted nothing more than to go to Buffy's room and take her, do it all over again and do it right, do it sober so she'd remember every kiss and every touch. But she couldn't. She had to keep reminding herself she couldn't, not yet. Things were already growing complicated and she didn't need to complicate things even more before Buffy broke things off with Luke.

Luke. Faith groaned at the simple thought of him. She hated the way he doted on Buffy and she hated the way he reminded her so much of Angel and a little bit of Riley. She scoffed as she opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling, watching the light reflect off the water and bounce off the glass tiles. She still hated how jealous she was of him, of what he had with Buffy even though she knew it was going to end sooner rather than later. She still hated that bitter taste she got in her mouth just thinking about everything he and Buffy had done, the dates they gone out on and the nights when she wouldn't come home until the late hours of the morning the next day.

Nobody had ever invaded her mind and her heart, hell even her very soul, the way Buffy was. She felt surrounded by her. She felt it even when she wasn't even near her. She wanted nothing more than to spend every waking moment with her.

"I'm fucking infatuated," she groaned softly as she closed her eyes again. "This is even fucking worse than I thought it was."

Love she could handle. Delicately. But infatuation was something else. She'd never been infatuated just like she'd never been in love before. There was just too many new feelings that it was making her feel like she wanted to run yet again. Relaxing more in the bath, she tried to clear her head and the softest of sighs drifting through the walls made her whole body tense. She knew those sighs anywhere.

Easing herself out of the bath, she listened carefully as she pulled the plug and slipped on her robe. She walked over to the wall and held her breath as she listened. At first she thought maybe Buffy was dreaming, or she was having trouble sleeping and then she heard the choked gasp. Raising an eyebrow she let out a breath as she heard the soft sobs that followed. Buffy was crying, clearly upset over something and without thinking about what she was about to do, she walked out of the bathroom and went straight into Buffy's room. It was nearly heartbreaking just to hear Buffy crying. Never in all the years she'd know her had she ever seen her like this.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Faith asked softly as she stood at the edge of her bed. "B?"

"What do you want, Faith?"

"I heard you crying. Everything okay?"

Buffy turned to look at her, wiping away her tears as she shook her head no. "No, everything is not okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Do you want me to leave you alone then?"

"No...stay with me, please?"

Faith shrugged as she walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down slowly, unsure of being so close to Buffy when she felt the way she did. "You sure you don't want to talk, B? I don't know how to do the whole shoulder to cry on thing, but now seems like a damn good time to learn how or at least try."

"I'm so confused," Buffy whispered as she wiped away the fresh tears that had fallen. "God, look at me. I'm a mess."

"You're still beautiful," Faith said gently, smiling as Buffy rolled her eyes. "What are you confused about?"

"Everything."

"Like?"

"Like how I feel about you," she replied and she took in a deep breath as she sat up and leaned against the headboard. "I mean, I know what I feel and I'm not...trying to push it away or anything. I just...why now?"

Faith shrugged, unsure of what to say as she looked over at her. "Sometimes it's better not to question what you feel. Just makes things a lot more confusing for you when you try to understand it all."

"I know we said it wasn't going to be easy for us, but right now it feels so hard."

"Why?"

"Because of Luke. Because I can't stop trying to remember what happened last night and even though I have no regrets, I..." Buffy shook her head, laughing a little as she looked over at Faith, not saying a word as their eyes locked.

"Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"You gonna finish that sentence or do I have to guess what you were going to tell me?"

"I know what you're going to say."

"What am I going to say?" Faith challenged, raising her eyebrow when she caught Buffy blushing slightly in the dimly lit room. "Buffy?"

"God, why do I feel like I'm a teenager again? I thought these kinds of things would just be...different."

"Buffy?" Faith said again as she looked at her, confused with what she was trying to say. She could almost hear Buffy's hear racing as she leaned in closer to her and took Faith's hand in her own. "What kinds of things are you talking about? Sex? Something else? You gotta tell me if you want me to understand what you're getting at."

"All of it."

"Okay," Faith laughed as she tried to ease the ever growing tension between them. "You've completely lost me here, B. For one thing, I still have no fucking idea what got you all upset when you were fine earlier and for another thing, not a word you've just said to me makes any sense."

"But it doesn't, does it?" Buffy asked sighing as she let go of Faith's hand quickly. "This. This thing, whatever it is going on between us, it doesn't make any sense, does it?"

The feeling of rejection filled Faith and it made her heart feel as if it'd leapt into her throat and was slowly beginning to choke her to death with every steady, rapid beat. Was Buffy trying to tell her that they couldn't be together? Was that why Buffy was so upset? Faith was tired of not understanding, she was tired of feeling like she was being pulled in five different directions at once and she was tired of being so close to Buffy and yet feeling as if she was thousands of miles away.

"I've always been afraid," Buffy said quietly, breaking the heavy silence between them. "Always been afraid of feeling the way I do for you. We aren't young and stupid and naive anymore. We know what we want and we should take and have what we want."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Aside from the obvious?"

"Which is?"

"Luke," Buffy replied and Faith couldn't help but laugh. "What? What's so funny?"

"Nothing. This is just kind of reminding me of a little conversation I had with Kennedy. It's nothing. What were you saying?"

"I'm stopping me. I'm afraid that...I'll end up hurting you. I don't exactly have the greatest track record when it comes to relationships."

"Like I do, B?"

"You know what I mean. I just...see, this is why it's hard, Faith. I've never wanted anything more than this and knowing you feel the same way, it's...scary and yet comforting at the same time. What happened last night was almost inevitable. You and I both know that."

"Yeah."

"Can't it ever be easy? Just for once?"

"For us, B?" Faith asked, a small smile forming as she reached for Buffy's hand. "Never. That's asking for way too much."

"You're right. Asking for things to be easy is a little too much. Maybe simple is more of an approach we should be taking."

Faith nodded and then shrugged. She was feeling too much and not enough and she wasn't sure what else to say. She knew the next thing out of her mouth would either earn her a slap across the face or a kiss, but she bit her tongue and taking a chance, she wrapped her arms around Buffy and held her close as Buffy began to cry again. She could feel her own tears forming, yet she held them back, unsure why she was getting so emotional. Maybe it was love, maybe it was the conflicted feelings she'd been having, or maybe it was just knowing how upset and conflicted Buffy was feeling that was getting to her.

She tried to relax as she sat there with Buffy in her arms and found it easier than she thought it'd be to stay instead of wanting to run as Buffy let out a soft sigh, her breath tickling the skin over her collarbone. She held back the shiver that threatened to awaken the sexual being in her and she moved slowly so they were lying on the bed. Buffy sighed out again as she shifted to get more comfortable and Faith, never one to be one to cuddle, never felt more relaxed in her entire life just lying there with Buffy in her arms and her head resting on her chest.

She wasn't used to the openness between them. She knew she wasn't the only one who had always closed off her feelings and her thoughts. Buffy had done it too. They didn't just do it to each other; they'd done it with almost everyone in their lives. Maybe it was a Slayer thing, Faith didn't know. All she knew was the woman she loved, had always loved, was right there in her arms and she knew no matter how hard things would prove to be between them, they'd get through it all, one way or another.

Even if the other way ended up in one or both of them having an irreparable broken heart.


	5. Chapter 5

For the first time she could remember, she woke up with a smile on her face. She'd spent the entire night lying there with Buffy, holding onto her, almost afraid to let go. Her right arm was under Buffy and as she flexed her hand a little, she found it numb and asleep. Stifling a laugh, she looked down at Buffy as the early morning sunlight streamed in through the windows, warming the room despite how cold she knew it was outside.

"Buffy? Wake up," she said softly as she ran her fingers over the arm draped over her stomach.

"Mm, is it morning already?"

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

Faith groaned as she glanced over at the clock. "Almost seven."

"Way too early."

"Yeah," she chuckled softly and tried to move her arm from under Buffy. "Can't really feel my arm here, B."

"Sorry," Buffy mumbled as she rolled away from her and sighed out softly. "That was certainly...nice. Thank you for staying, Faith."

She only nodded, smiling at her as she rubbed some feeling back into her arm. Nice wasn't the word she'd use for spending the night with Buffy in her arms. Incredible was more like it. The words were there too, at the tip of her tongue, but she didn't feel ready to be that open with her and it still didn't feel right. The little voice in her head kept reminding her that Buffy wasn't hers, not yet. Luke was still very much in the picture even if he wouldn't be back in town for another five days.

It would be the longest five days of her life. That much she was sure of.

The sounds of everyone else as they woke up and headed down to the kitchen for coffee and breakfast made Faith slowly get up from the bed. Her body ached from being in the same spot all night, but it was a good ache and she stretched out, her eyes roaming over Buffy's body as she lay on her side on the bed and held a pillow close to her chest. Everything in her wanted to lean down and kiss Buffy, like she wanted to since the moment she woke up. But she stopped herself and with a small smile she turned and left.

She was infatuated. She was in love and she was feeling a whole lot of other things that she still hadn't figured out. She didn't just want Buffy for the sex that she knew, without a doubt, would be incredibly hot. She wanted her for everything else. New feelings like that were scaring her, but the scary parts were slowly fading away. She wasn't going to run scared either, not from her feelings and not from Buffy. Not anymore. Her heart couldn't handle that, she knew that and she didn't want to hurt Buffy in any way either. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if she did. As different as she was feeling, it all felt right. Finally. For once in her life she felt okay with how she felt and she didn't fear where things would end up.

"Good morning, Faith," Joyce said cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen nearly half an hour later. "Sleep well?"

"I did," she smiled, looking around the nearly empty kitchen and smiled wider as her eyes met Buffy's.

"I'm afraid you missed breakfast again this morning," Joyce said as she took a sip of her coffee. "I couldn't save any of those pancakes I know you love."

"It's alright. Wasn't really all that hungry this morning."

Her stomach betrayed her, growling at the thought of those delicious pancakes she'd grown to get used to having almost every morning since she'd come back and Buffy laughed from where she sat at the table idly flipping through the morning paper. It earned her a curious look from Joyce as well and she shrugged it off as she got herself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter, unable to keep her eyes from drifting over to look at Buffy.

"If you are hungry I could whip up a batch for you?" Joyce offered, drawing Faith's attention back to her and away from Buffy.

"It's cool," she shrugged. "I'm not completely incapable of cooking for myself."

"I know, but you leave a mess in my kitchen every time and I really do not feel like cleaning it up. Again."

The two of them laughed as Faith watched Joyce take out the pancake mix from the cupboard. Her laughter faded quickly as she caught Buffy staring at her intensely. She walked over to the table and sat down across from her, swiping the sports section from the paper before Buffy could pull it away from her. They shared a silent look and went about reading the paper in silence, only occasionally glancing up at one another and sharing a soft, knowing smile.

Buffy had some sort of power over her and she realized this when she found it nearly impossible to stop looking at her, waiting to catch that small little smile that melted her heart each and every time. She gave up on the paper, not really even reading it and slid it to the center of the table, their eyes meeting for the hundredth time in the last fifteen minutes. And there was that smile again as Buffy's eyes locked with hers, longer this time and yet, Faith could see something distant there, like everything was going to be okay and at the same time it wasn't.

"How many would you like, Faith?" Joyce asked, clearing her throat and jarring Faith away from the intensity of Buffy's gaze. "Do you think you could eat a dozen?"

"Of course I can," she smiled as she reached for her coffee and took a sip. "Thanks, Joyce. Appreciate it. Best mom ever award definitely is gonna come your way someday soon."

It was no secret of course that she had looked up to Joyce as a mother-figure, more so in the last couple of weeks. And Joyce, always being the sweet yet bold woman she was, had always treated Faith as one of her own. It made her feel wanted and accepted in ways she never had. Hell, it even made her feel loved and more of a part of their family than she'd ever felt with her own.

"Pig," Buffy muttered under her breath, the playful smile dancing across her lips as Faith looked back at her.

"I've seen you eat more than that in one sitting, cow."

Buffy flipped her off even though the smile was still there. This was how it'd always been between them although now it was different. So much the same but different. Buffy gave her one last smile before getting up and leaving her there alone in the kitchen with Joyce. She inwardly groaned, having enjoyed the little moment they'd been having and grabbed her nearly empty mug and got herself another cup of coffee.

"I'm gonna go have a smoke," she said softly to Joyce. "I won't be long."

"Pancakes will be done in a minute. Stay."

And she stayed, groaning as she breathed in the intoxicating scent of the blueberry and banana pancakes. She nearly inhaled the large stack of pancakes as soon as Joyce had them on the plate and with her mouth full, her mug in her hand, she mumbled a thank you as she grabbed her jacket and headed for the front door. The cold chill hit her as soon as she stepped outside and what followed nearly made her drop her coffee.

"What the fuck, Ken?" Faith stuttered as she wiped furiously at the snow now over her face and trickling down the front of her shirt.

"Tradition," Kennedy laughed as she bent down and picked up some more snow, forming in into a rather solid ball. "Are you just going to stand there and take it like the pussy you are or are you gonna..."

Buffy, seemingly out of nowhere, popped up from behind one of the six cars parked in the driveway and threw a few snowballs at Kennedy. Faith smirked and shook her head as she watched the snowball fight evolve in front of her. She spotted Willow standing near the bare elm tree that graced the front yard and she spotted Dawn and Xander on the other end of the yard, hiding behind the evergreen trees and clearly involved more in each other than the snowball fight that was at hand.

She had missed this. Over the years, any time she'd been back and the morning after a fresh snowfall, there was always a snowball fight, Slayer style. She quickly finished her coffee and forgot about the cigarette she'd been craving and ran for the line of cars, ducking behind one and finding herself two cars away from Buffy. She motioned her over and as she ducked her head up, looking for any signs of attack, Buffy scrambled over to her and crouched on the ground next to her.

"Plan of attack?" Buffy asked softly, leaning into her as she ducked back down before a barrage of snowballs came her way.

"Uh," she sighed as she rubbed her forehead and she tried not to let the feel of Buffy now pressed up close against her jar her from her thoughts. "Load up on the arsenal and attack all points at once. They'll have no chance."

"That's it?"

"What? Not good enough of a plan for you, B?"

"Remind me why we always end up on the same team?"

"Cos we always win when we are together," Faith replied with a smirk. "Don't read too much into that either."

Buffy stuttered as she looked at Faith for a moment then shook her head as she watched her make up a couple dozen snowballs. Faith's hands were frozen and she cursed a couple times for not putting on any gloves. She should have known what she was walking into before she walked out the front door, but her mind had been somewhere else completely. She turned to look at Buffy and fell back against the car as Buffy kissed her hungrily.

She didn't care that she was now sitting on the ground, the snow soaking into her jeans as Buffy straddled her and kissed her deeper. She didn't care that the others would see them. The only thing she cared about was the way Buffy was kissing her. It was deep, passionate and it was probably the best damn kiss she'd ever had in her life. She held back a groan as Buffy bit down gently on her lower lip before she pulled away.

"Damn," Faith said softly as she ran her hands over Buffy's thighs. "What was that for?"

"I've wanted to do that since I woke up."

"New plan of attack," Faith said with a smile. "You stay right here with me and kiss me like that again."

"I like that plan better than the first one."

Faith winked as she pulled Buffy in for another kiss. She ignored the little voices in the back of her mind that were screaming at her to stop. She ignored the hammering of her heart as Buffy kissed her deeply. She ignored the ache between her legs and her wet jeans that were fast becoming uncomfortable. Her hands were still frozen and she smiled against Buffy's lips as she slid them under her jacket and under her shirt.

"Faith! Cold!" Buffy shrieked as she grabbed onto Faith's arms and tried to get her to take her hands away. She leapt up from her and was instantly covered in snow. "Damn it."

"First rule of snowball fights, when they know where you're hiding, never go in plain sight without at least throwing a couple snowballs first."

"I know the rules, Faith. You kind of...distracted me."

"Care for a little more of that distraction, B?"

She didn't wait for her to answer and she kissed her feverishly, unable to get enough and wanting so much more. She couldn't have any more than just a kiss. They were outside and on the driving, sitting in the snow with their friends waiting for them to continue with the snowball fight. The soft sound of Kennedy clearing her throat not even a minute later made them pull apart and Buffy, red-faced and clearly embarrassed for having been caught, got up and ran to the house, avoiding the barrage of snowballs that were thrown her way.

"Is that what you two do while waiting for the perfect moment to strike?" Kennedy asked, a playful smirk dancing across her lips as she crouched next to Faith.

"Don't say a fucking word to anyone, Ken."

"My lips are sealed."

"Good. Keep them sealed."

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"You really do love her, don't you?"

"Yeah...your point?"

"When you two get together, like officially, you aren't going to keep it from everyone, are you?"

"Depends on what she wants to do," Faith said with a shrug. "I'll do whatever she wants. If that's not love then I don't know what the fuck it is."

"Don't kill me or anything, but Willow kind of got it out of me last night."

"What did you say?"

"Not too much," Kennedy replied as she backed away from Faith a little. "She wanted to know why you two were making with the moon eyes the other day and then she asked if I knew why you and Buffy were acting all weird around each other."

"What the fuck did you tell her, Ken?"

"I told you, she practically forced it out of me. I told her you two kind of hooked up at the party. She's not pissed, you know? She's actually relieved."

"Relieved?"

"I believe her exact words were, about damn time," Kennedy laughed. "I'm kind of thinking once everyone else finds out they'll be saying the same thing."

"Kennedy!" Willow called out from where she was still behind the tree. "Are we going to get on with this sometime today?"

"In a minute, baby."

"Whipped," Faith laughed as Kennedy punched her rather hard in the shoulder. "Not like it's a bad thing, Ken. It is kind of sweet."

"I'm sure Buffy will have you whipped in no time," she winked as she stood up and quickly ran for cover as Faith began throwing the snowballs she'd made and stacked up near the tire earlier.

She sighed as she knelt back down. It wasn't the same without Buffy there. She was a mess, a wreck and a multitude of other things and she knew she was definitely losing whatever was left of the cool resolve she always had. She was turning into a pussy whipped pussy. That was all that came to mind as she stood up and held her hands up, having enough of the fight that wasn't really much of a fight at all.

"I'm surrendering."

"What?" Willow groaned as she stepped out from behind the tree. "Why?"

"I'm fucking cold and wet."

Kennedy smirked as Faith flipped her off and headed inside. She ignored the laughter from Joyce, Buffy and Giles as she closed the door behind her and slipped off her boots. She shook her head as she tore off her jacket and headed upstairs, the damp and rough denim chafing her legs with every step she took. She nearly tore her wet jeans off as soon as she was at the top of the stairs and headed for her room.

The whole morning had been a little bit on the side of crazy and surreal. Scratch that. The last couple of days had been crazy and more than surreal. She couldn't believe how fast everything had gone down. How quickly she'd succumbed to telling Buffy how she felt about her when she'd only just began to figure it out herself. She changed into her sweats and headed downstairs. She needed to let out her frustration in the only way she knew how, on the punching bag with loud rock music filling her ears until she nearly collapsed with exhaustion.

She rolled her eyes when she opened the basement door, already hearing the music and the soft thumps of fists hitting the bag. It didn't surprise her that Buffy was down there, seemingly waiting for her.

"About time," Buffy chuckled as she stopped hitting the bag and turned to look at her.

"About time?" Faith asked, slightly confused as she walked down the last couple of steps. "I was upstairs for not even ten minutes."

"I know," Buffy laughed again as she walked up to her. "The look on your face when you came in the house...I kind of knew you'd end up down here."

"What if I wanted to be alone?"

"Do you?"

"Not really," she smirked as Buffy closed the gap between them and slid her arms around her waist. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I want to kiss you. Can I?"

"Buffy...this doesn't feel okay."

"No?" Buffy stepped back, her brow furrowing in confusion as she blinked a couple of times. "This is because I haven't told Luke its over yet, isn't it?"

"Yeah. You're cheating on him with me, Buffy. It's wrong. You and I both know that."

"You were singing a whole different tune outside with the whole new plan of attack thing,"

"Wasn't thinking clearly."

"And you are now?"

"Buffy, this..." she sighed as she tried to gather her thoughts quickly enough not to say anything stupid or something she'd regret later. "The last couple of days have been crazy for me and this morning, waking up with you, got to admit that was probably one of the best feelings in the world for me. It made me realize how much I want this with you and then it made me realize that I can't have you the way I want you until Luke is out of the picture."

"Would it make you feel any better if I called him right now?"

"B..."

"Faith, I want this too. And you think the last couple of days haven't been crazy for me either?"

"I never said that."

"Why are we fighting?" Buffy asked, the small sob escaping her lips as she turned to look away from Faith.

"We always fight over stupid shit. Don't see how it'd be any different now."

With that, Faith turned away from her and grabbed the tape and quickly taped up her hands and focused on the bag in front of her. She didn't even notice that Buffy had gone until she spun around, out of breath and found herself all alone. She spun back around, kicking the bag with such force that it snapped from the chain and landed on the cement floor with a loud, dull thud. She cursed under her breath as she tore the tape off her hands and walked over to the stereo and cranked up the music a little more.

The tension in her body was rising and she couldn't let go of her thoughts long enough to focus. She stretched out on the mats, trying to loosen herself up and only succeeding in making the tension worse as flashes of images from the other night began filtering through her mind. A wave of arousal coursed through her body as she closed her eyes and saw the blurry, flickering images of Buffy beneath her. She could almost feel her there as she stretched out on the mats and tried to hold onto the faded, drunken memories.

It had been more than a fuck. It had felt more than a fuck. She'd made love to Buffy despite how intoxicated they'd been. She knew that even without the faded memories that seemed to come back to her in moments of frustration full of unrelenting tension. As the memories faded completely and she opened her eyes, she found herself staring at Buffy who was sitting across from her.

"Hey," she said softly, smiling a little as Faith let out a breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding.

"Thought you took off."

"Yeah. I did. I couldn't leave things like that between us."

"Good to know."

"Where'd you go off to just now?"

"Just uh, remembering," Faith shrugged. "You know, remembering bits from the other night."

"I'm so tired of this."

"Tired of what, B? The drama, the useless fucking angst crap we're putting ourselves through for nothing?"

"For nothing?" Buffy shook her head as she reached out for Faith's hand. "It isn't for nothing, Faith. It won't always be this way either."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I do."

"What makes you so fucking sure about that?"

"Gut feeling," Buffy replied. She smiled as Faith let out a low sigh. "That and the fact that we love each other and are in love with each other. We are, aren't we?"

"In love?"

"Yeah, that's what I just asked you."

"I know I am. Never asked to be. Always have been and I get this feeling I always will."

"Oh be still my heart," Buffy laughed as Faith let go of her hand. "Seeing how you completely killed the bag, why don't we spar for an hour?"

"Probably not such a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Cos."

"Don't be stubborn," Buffy said with a playful smile as she stood up and reached for Faith's hand. "One hour. That's all I'm asking for."

"One hour," Faith replied, winking as she fell back into her fighting stance. "Bring it on, Blondie."

****

Three hours later Faith made her way up to her room, Buffy following close behind her. With a silent nod, they parted and went into their rooms, the doors closing almost in time with a soft click. Three hours of sparring, three hours of innocent and not so innocent touches and looks and kisses in between a series of punches and lazy kicks. Three hours and Faith was so worked up she felt that if she didn't stop when she did she might have exploded from the sheer amount of sexual tension that was there between them.

She stripped out of her sweaty clothes and slipped on her robe, listening as she heard the shower run. She'd have to wait for Buffy to finish and she didn't mind. It'd give her some time to cool down, to think and to try not to let the sexual tension test her resolve she was finding impossible to fight anymore.

It was a drastic difference in how she felt now compared to that morning. She was fighting a losing battle. She was pining over Buffy, infatuated and in love with her, the head over heels kind of love she always laughed at before. This wasn't who she was. She couldn't be lovesick over Buffy. The lived together, they were friends, they worked together, it just wouldn't work out. How could it when Buffy couldn't tell Luke it was over between them? She wasn't going to let Buffy string her along and despite the fact that Buffy had told her she wasn't she couldn't shake the feeling that it was exactly what she was doing to her right now.

She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling as physically exhausted as she was emotionally. The changes over the last couple of days were taking its toll on her sanity. She wasn't sure how much more she could take feeling as if she was being pulled in ten different ways at the same time. Sex ruined everything between her and Buffy and yet it had opened doors she never thought would ever be there.

She leapt out of bed as soon as she heard the water shut off in the bathroom. She needed a nice long, hot shower to relax her and to clear her head. Lying on her bed and thinking was doing the opposite and it was tearing her apart slowly inside. She opened the door and found Buffy standing there on the other side about to knock.

"Shower is free."

"Thanks. Figured that."

"I was hoping that..."

"What?" Faith asked as she stopped halfway down the hallway and turned to look at her. "Hoping what?"

"We could talk on patrol later."

"Whoa, back up a second here. I'm off-duty tonight. You and Ken are going on patrol. You want to talk, talk to her. She's pretty fucking good at listening. Better than I would be right now."

"Faith..."

She ignored Buffy and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door and quickly fumbling with the lock. She was being a bitch, but it was what she did best when she was trying to figure everything out that was plaguing every last thought that went through her mind. The walls she always had surrounding her heart were pulled up, stronger than ever and it'd take a hell of a lot for them to break down. She'd been trying to learn how to open up her heart, but she was still afraid. Afraid of it being broken, unfixable and lost and she'd end up alone, just like she'd been for most of her life.

The hot water relaxed her tense muscles after she stood under it for nearly ten minutes, but it did nothing to relax the rest of her. She wanted this day to be over. It felt like it was never going to end and it wasn't even three in the afternoon yet. With a loud sigh she turned off the water and stepped out, grabbing her towel off the rack and quickly dried herself off. She could hear Kennedy and Willow talking, just faintly, in their room across the hall and she tried not to listen, but it proved impossible when she heard Willow say her name.

"Faith doesn't love her, Ken. She's pulling something, whatever it is. So they had sex. You said neither of them remembers what happened, right? What if that's just a lie? What if that's just what makes them deal with it?"

"Will, you know that's not true. You've seen the way Faith has been acting the last couple of days."

"That's all it is, an act. You can't tell me that in all the years I've known her, and I've known her a hell of a lot longer than you, that I can't see past the little lies and the act she's pulling right now?"

Faith breathed out angrily, slipping on her robe and storming out of the bathroom. She fought with herself as she headed back to her room, wanting nothing more than to walk into Kennedy and Willow's room and punch the witch in the face for being such a cold-hearted bitch for saying those things about her.

She got dressed and flung some clothes into her bag. She wasn't running. She just needed to get out of there for a couple of days for the sake of her sanity. She was going to lose it if she had to stay there waiting for Buffy to grow some balls and tell Luke it was over between them. She was going to end up hurting someone if she had to stick around and involuntarily listen to the things they were talking about behind her back. She needed to be as far away from Buffy as she could right now to finally sort out her feelings that were driving her completely insane.

Not risking being spotted leaving, she climbed out the bedroom window and tossed the bag to the ground before she leapt off the roof over the front porch and landed in the snow with a soft yet deafening thud. The roads hadn't been ploughed and her car was parked between Giles' and Joyce's. She growled and cursed at the lack of planning and the obstacles that were always in her way and without even glancing back at the house as the front door opened, she headed down the street as fast as her feet would take her in the two feet of snow that had fallen the night before.

She didn't stop until she'd reached the motel several blocks away. It wasn't too bad and it wasn't nice either. But it was a room where Buffy wouldn't find her and it was solitude in its own right. She'd stayed there before when she couldn't deal with the shit that went on in the house whenever she'd been there. She'd stayed there on those nights she couldn't be bothered to make the trek back to the house with whatever bed buddy she'd picked up at the club across the street from the motel. It was convenience she always needed and as she opened the door to the office, the manager smiled at her and reached for the key to room eight.

"How long will you be staying?"

"Indefinitely," she replied as she pulled out her wallet and dropped down a couple of bills. "Don't bother me either. I'll pay for the room at the end of each day. You know the deal."

"Not a problem, Miss."

He winked and turned his back to her, watching the news on the TV that hung on the wall. She walked out of the office and headed for room eight and when she opened the door that's when the tears started to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

The club was quiet, nearly deserted and Faith found herself firmly planted on the last bar stool drinking what she figured to be her sixth Jack and Coke. The bartender, Karla, had been talking to Faith on and off for the better part of the night. Flirting. Touching. Her eyes practically begging Faith to whisk her away as soon as her shift ended. And she wanted to. She wanted to take her back to her room and fuck the pain away that had settled firmly in her heart and her mind. But she couldn't and even when she tried to convince herself she could, she failed. That wasn't who she was anymore and as gorgeous as Karla was, she couldn't do that to herself or to Buffy.

"Another?" Karla asked, smiling as she reached for the bottle behind her.

"Nah, I'm good."

"On the house."

Faith shrugged, downing what was left in her glass and slid it towards her. "Thanks."

"So, Faith," Karla, the blond haired beauty that had made her do a double take when she'd first walked into the club asked sweetly as she poured Faith her drink. "Who is the girl who broke your heart?"

"Who said anything about..."

"Let's just say I can read people very well. Who was she? Some great love you had and lost or is she just someone you've been in love with and you can't have her?"

"I..." Faith trailed off as she shook her head. The alcohol was getting to her and she wasn't sure what to say or what to think. "She's special to me."

"So you loved her?"

"I did. I do."

"Does she by any chance have blond hair and a killer smile that's also laced with anger?"

"What? Why?"

"Because I think that's her," Karla motioned to the entrance of the club. "Whatever happened, fix it. I can tell it's done nothing but tear you up inside and as much as I'd love to have a night with you, I can see it'd break you apart even more so."

Faith blinked a couple of times, downing her drink before she turned around to face a not so pleased looking Buffy now standing mere inches from her. It had been two days since she'd left and two days of ignoring the phone calls that came through her cell and the inane amount of messages Buffy had left for her. The first few had been heart-wrenching and the last of them had been full of anger and the bitchiness Faith had always known to come from Buffy when she didn't get her way.

"Hey, B. What you doing here?"

"I've come to bring you home."

"Not going anywhere tonight. Perfectly fine right here, thank you."

"I am really starting to hate this stubborn side of you, Faith."

"And I really fucking hate when you start acting like a bitch, Buffy."

Buffy grabbed onto her and pulled her into the bathrooms, making sure nobody was in there with them before she locked the door. "Listen to me, Faith. Listen to me fucking good..."

"You must be pissed. You never say the 'F' word," Faith chuckled as she leaned against the sink. "Sorry."

"Why are you doing this? Did you run away because things aren't going your way or did you run away because you can't deal with it?"

"I didn't fucking run away, Buffy! I needed to get away for a couple of days to fucking think okay!"

"So this is your way of thinking, drinking until you pass out or bring back some slut to fuck away all the pain? Is that what you are doing?"

"No," Faith muttered as she tore her eyes from Buffy and stared down at the floor. "Just needed to..."

"Needed to what?"

"Fuck off and leave me alone, Buffy."

Buffy sighed out angrily as she grabbed onto Faith's shoulders and made her look at her. "Listen to me. It hasn't been easy for me either. How do you think I felt when you told me how you felt about me? My whole world has been spinning wildly out of control and I do not know how to deal with this or deal with the fact that we fucked and we can't remember a single thing."

"We didn't fuck."

"We didn't?"

"We made love, B. Big fucking difference. Sure we were drunk and can't fucking remember, but I know what it was, what it felt like."

"Why?" Buffy asked after a few minutes of silence between them.

"What what?"

"Why'd you take off and don't tell me it's because you needed to think."

Faith shrugged as she stepped away from her, the alcohol clouding her mind and threatening to make her say things she knew she'd regret in the morning. She'd spent the last two days drinking and sleeping and trying so hard to forget all that she was feeling and no matter what she did, she couldn't push out the sound of Willow's voice. She didn't want to tell Buffy that one of her best friends was completely against the two of them. She didn't want to tell Buffy that Willow still saw her as a liar, a skank, and she sure as hell didn't want to tell her that Willow thought that she was using her.

"Are you going to say anything?" Buffy asked, irritated and still sounding more than a little pissed off at her.

"What do you want me to say? Haven't we fucking said enough?"

"Maybe we have and maybe it hasn't been enough. Look, Faith, you know how I feel about you and I know how you feel about me and I want to be with you, believe me, I do."

"Why?"

"Why?" Buffy laughed as she shook her head. "Because when two people are in love with each other, Faith, that's what they do. They get together and grow and...the point is..."

"Have you broken things off with Luke?"

"No. Not yet."

"That is what is complicating this whole fucking thing, B! Don't you see that? You tell me one thing and then it's a whole other thing. I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore!"

"Faith..."

"We shouldn't be talking about this here," she said softly as the sound of voices from the other side of the door brought the reality of where they were crashing back down. "How did you even know I was here in the first place?"

"You used to come here all the time. It didn't hit me to come looking for you here until this morning."

"Why would you want to come looking for me? I'm not your fucking girlfriend."

"Because you just left without a fucking word, Faith! How the hell am I supposed to know what's bothering you when you won't even talk to me?"

"Willow," she said firmly as she stopped pacing, realizing then that she'd been pacing and chuckled to herself. "I heard her and Kennedy talking about us, about me. Seems like Red still thinks I'm nothing more than a liar and a skank and that I'm using you."

"She doesn't..."

"She does, Buffy. She's always thought that about me. She might say otherwise to you, but I can see right through those cute fucking little not so innocent smiles of hers."

"Faith..."

"Ignorance is bliss, B. Might work for you and the rest of the Scoobs, but it sure as hell doesn't work for me. I see things as they are and take them as they are no matter how much it fucking hurts. Knowing and hearing the truth always hurts the most, hurts the deepest, but I take it as it is and I face up to it!"

They were fighting, arguing in ways they hadn't in years and in new ways too. This wasn't how either of them wanted things to go between them. Faith knew she felt it too because she could see it in Buffy's eyes as the tears began to fall. The twinge of pain, of guilt filled her as she wrapped her arms around Buffy and held her close despite Buffy's half-assed attempts to push her away.

"See why I needed a couple of days, B?" Faith said softly, still holding her close. "Too much shit is going on right now and I can't figure any of it out back at the house or when I'm around you."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come in here acting like this. You don't deserve this. I'm being selfish."

"Buffy, you aren't being selfish. I think you are doing what I'd be doing if I were in your shoes."

"Really?"

"Well," Faith chuckled as she leaned back a little and wiped away a few of the tears still rolling down Buffy's cheeks. "If I were in your shoes right now, I'd be a little on the short and bitchy side..."

"Shut up."

"I'd be doing exactly what you are doing right now. Fighting over useless shit and shit that means everything."

"Can't you ever say one sentence without swearing?"

"Fuck no," Faith grinned and in turn that made Buffy laugh a little. "Want to go out there and get a drink, maybe dance for a couple hours?"

"Then what?"

"Don't know. Figure it out when it comes down to it. Just want to let loose for a couple hours. Think you can handle it?"

"I can handle anything."

"Just no more talking about this shit for tonight, okay?"

"But..."

"Save it for when I'm sober and when I don't feel like I'm gonna start saying shit I'll regret tomorrow. Can you do that for me, B?"

"Yes. Only if you do something for me too."

"What?"

"If you won't come home tonight, let me stay with you."

Faith only nodded, giving her a quick yet tender kiss as she forced herself to step away from her. She reached for her hand, unlocked the door and walked out briskly, ignoring the oblivious looks from the three girls standing out there waiting for them to come out of the bathroom. She only looked back at Buffy briefly and in the dim lights of the club she could see the blush forming across her cheeks.

Karla smiled at both of them as Faith led Buffy to the stool she'd claimed earlier that day as her own. She didn't let go of Buffy's hand as she leaned against the bar and motioned to Karla to pour them a couple of drinks. Getting drunk probably wasn't a good idea seeing how it ended up the last time they'd gotten drunk together, but with the smile on Buffy's face and that glimmer in her eyes, she had a feeling it'd be much different this time. Faith let herself look over at Karla briefly and they shared a look of understanding, only a look a stranger and a bartender knew after hours of rambling on Faith's part, hours of rambling about life and love and god knows what else.

"Kind of dead in here," Buffy said to Faith as she turned to look around at the club and the few people who danced in the middle of the large dance floor. "It always like this?"

"No," Faith shook her head. "Its couple's only night tonight. Things won't pick up for another couple hours, right Karla?"

"Who's Karla?"

From behind the bar Karla laughed as she stuck her hand out for Buffy to shake it. "Nice to meet you..."

"Buffy," she said with a warm yet forced smile. "Wait, if it's couple's only night, what are you doing here?"

"Was gonna leave once the place got busy," she replied with a shrug. "Now I'm thinking I won't have to."

"You know you just kill me with the romantic notions here, Faith."

"That sarcasm I heard coming from you, Blondie?"

"Maybe," Buffy replied with a playful smile and a chuckle as she reached out for the shot of vodka in front of her. "I can read between the lines, you know."

Something about the whole situation, despite how it'd started off, felt comfortable and right even under the thick haze of alcohol and the darkened club. She suddenly felt like a complete fool, a coward, for taking off the way she did, but she knew her sanity depended on it. She sat there on the stool, leaning against the bar and watched Buffy make small talk with Karla. It felt all too natural to pull Buffy so she could wrap her arms around her from behind. Buffy tensed at first and relaxed when she realized Karla wasn't bothered at all by their little display of closeness. A few of the patrons gave them a weird look, a couple of them making rude comments as they walked past them. Faith knew Buffy would have been bothered by the rude comments thrown their way not so subtly if she hadn't already drank several shots of vodka that Karla continuously poured for her.

Her mind relayed back to their argument in the bathroom. She'd never fought with Buffy like that, at least not without it turning into a physical fight. She was still being bitter over the fact that Luke, although still out of town, was still very much in the picture. Bitter and jealous and angry and a whole mess of other emotions she couldn't deal with right then.

"Here," Buffy said as she turned around and held up the shot glass.

"Vodka isn't my poison, B."

"You had no problem drinking it the night of the party."

"Yeah and look where that ended up."

"Here," Karla said as she poured Faith a shot of whiskey and slid it across to her. "No harm, no foul, right?"

Faith knew the hidden meaning behind her words, she could see it in Karla's eyes and she was glad Buffy was paying no attention to the look they shared between them. The last thing she needed was for jealous Buffy to come out of the woodwork so soon after bitchy, demanding Buffy had made her appearance. No sooner had Faith taken back her shot was Buffy's lips upon her own. She divulged in the kiss, only for a moment before she pulled back and smiled at Buffy.

"What was that for?"

"I can't kiss my girlfriend?"

"Is that what I am, B?"

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Karla walk away, giving them the privacy they needed right then. Buffy looked up at her and smiled as she laced her fingers over the back of her neck and pulled her in for another kiss. She kept it short and sweet and smiled up at Faith as she pulled away and reached for the shot glass that was empty. With a pout, she motioned to Karla, her eyes never leaving Faith's not even for a second. That was until they heard the soft chuckle coming from behind them.

"Now this was something I never expected to see," Dawn laughed as she slipped her arm around Xander's waist and Faith smirked as she waited for a very red-faced Buffy to turn around. "When were you going to tell us?"

"Uh," Buffy stammered as she slowly turned around. "Now?"

"Is this what I think it is?" Dawn asked with an eyebrow raised as Xander kept his mouth shut. "Are you two...together?"

"Yes," Buffy replied, her voice barely audible over the loud music.

"As in 'together' together?"

"Yes."

"Wow," Dawn laughed as she raised her hand and gave Faith a high five. "About time, don't you think, Xander?"

"About time what now?"

"That these two gave in and got together," she laughed as she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh uh," Xander looked uncomfortable for a moment until he smirked at Faith and gave her a high five as well. "Yeah, about time."

"So, does this mean Luke is out of the picture?" Dawn asked as Buffy comfortably settled back into the tight embrace Faith now had her in. "Or..."

"I'm going to tell him as soon as he gets back that it's over."

"Does Mom know?"

"No. And you aren't telling her either."

"This is big. Huge even," Dawn laughed as she shook her head. "How did this happen?"

"Alcohol. The party..." Buffy trailed off as she turned to look at Faith for a moment. "Declaring our undying love for one another?"

"Something like that," Faith winked as she gave her a brief kiss.

"So, you two did hook up after the party?" Dawn questioned, the playful smirk giving away the serious tone in her voice. "Xander, you owe me fifty bucks now."

"You bet on us!" Buffy asked, spinning around to face Dawn. "I can't believe you!"

Faith couldn't hold the laughter back as she kept a firm hold on Buffy. She was a little shocked yet pleased Dawn was taking this so well, as abrupt as it all was. She was starting to think she should get used to the pace life was beginning to take. She was relieved Dawn was taking it as well as she was, it gave her hope that Joyce and Giles would take it just as well when the time finally came around to letting their relationship come fully out into the open. She motioned to Xander to join her for a game of pool while Dawn and Buffy bickered back and forth.

"Official is it?" Xander asked as he racked up and eyed Faith in a rather suspicious way. "Even with Luke still in the picture?"

"Hey man, in my picture, he's not even there in the background. In reality, he is, but not for long."

"Confident are you?"

"Very."

"So why'd you take off?"

"Needed some time to think is all."

Xander nodded as he grabbed a cue off the rack on the wall and waited for Faith to break. "You know, Buffy cried all of yesterday after you left. She almost went after you too. I've never seen her like that before."

"Still feeling bad about it here and you aren't helping, Xander."

"Sorry. Just thought I'd point it out."

"Fuck," she muttered under her breath as she hit the cue ball a little too hard. "This is crazy, you know? I never fucking thought I'd ever fall in love. Never thought I'd have a chance in hell to be with her either. Fucking nuts how almost a week can change everything, isn't it?"

"Love is crazy, Faith. Just takes you and runs with it. Not a damn thing you can do to stop it either. Running away doesn't help."

"I didn't run away!"

"What do you call just up and leaving the other day then? Sure as hell looks like running away to me."

"Dude, my life has turned fucking crazy okay. I don't understand what the hell is going on half the time and when I begin to finally fucking get it, it takes a nose-dive into even deeper shit that I can sort through. I don't need you bringing it all down on me and making it even worse!"

Xander sighed as he lined up for his shot and made it, glancing up at her for a moment before taking his second shot. When he missed, he walked up beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Life is always crazy, Faith. Welcome to the real world where love is real and it's happening to you."

She would have laughed and she wanted to, but it just didn't feel right. She glanced over at the bar and watched Buffy and Dawn talking and laughing as if nothing was out of the ordinary. It was comforting, just for a moment, before she turned to face Xander once again. The rush of the alcohol consumed her along with the hard, invisible smack in the face from reality. This was really happening. It wasn't just a thing between her and Buffy now that Dawn and Xander knew about them. She wanted to smile, she wanted to laugh and she wanted to cry all at the same time. It wasn't going to be easy for her and Buffy, she knew this already, but was it really going to be worth it in the end? A part of her, her conscience mostly, didn't want to answer that. At least not right then and there.

"This is crazy," she muttered under her breath as she took her shot and deliberately missed. "I keep trying to tell myself this is real and yet..."

"Yet?"

"I don't know, Xander!"

"Sure you do."

"I'm a mess," she muttered as she gripped the edge of the table, fighting off the urge to snap the cue in half. "Not even half an hour ago I was fighting with B and now..."

"Now everything is strangely feeling right?"

"Yes!" Faith laughed, shaking her head as she stepped back from the table. "Dude, is love always like this?"

"Possibly. Wrong guy to be going to for love advice."

"You're getting married!"

"Not anytime soon. Dawn and I might be engaged, but the talks for the wedding is still pretty damn far off."

"I need a drink. You want?"

"Yes," Xander laughed as he took his shot and missed. "I'll have whatever you are having. Being crazy and in love and feeling like a mess seems to be the theme these days. Might as well drown our sorrows with some joys."

She gave him the finger as she placed the pool cue on the table and headed for the bar. The club had gotten busier in the last ten minutes or so and she had to squeeze her way to the bar to next to Buffy and Dawn. They were still talking, about what she had no idea as she slipped her arm around Buffy's waist and motioned at Kayla and tried to get her attention.

"Can we..."

"What?" Faith asked loudly as she leaned into Buffy. "Can't hear a god damn thing, B."

"Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"Now? I'm in the middle of a game with Xander. Just came to get some beers."

"Yes now," Buffy said with a pout as she began tugging at her arms. Faith groaned as she grabbed her jacket off the barstool and let Buffy drag her outside of the club. "That's better."

"What's so fucking important you had to drag me all the way out here?"

"Where are you staying?"

"Huh?"

"You have a room somewhere, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Can we go there?"

"Now?"

Buffy laughed as she pushed Faith against the wall. "Unless you want to do this here."

"Whoa, B," Faith chuckled as she gently pushed her away. "What's gotten into you? I leave you for ten minutes alone with Dawn at the bar and you are all ready for...what exactly?"

"For you."

"You're drunk."

"So are you."

Faith groaned as she felt herself being pushed back against the wall. This was all sorts of new for her. Buffy taking charge in a sexual way. Fully and completely. She couldn't let this happen no matter how badly she wanted it to. This was heading face first into the same path they'd taken the night of the party. She placed her hands firmly on Buffy's shoulders, fully intent on pushing her away and found herself succumbing to Buffy's advances as soon as their lips met in a fierce, wild kiss.

"Stop," Faith whispered, feeling helpless and under Buffy's power as she managed to break away from the kiss. "Buffy, stop."

"Stop?" Buffy asked, confused as she backed away from her. "Why?"

"Not like this."

"Is this because of Luke?"

"You know what this is about."

Buffy sighed softly as she leaned against Faith and closed her eyes. "It's been a crazy week, hasn't it?"

"Crazy doesn't even begin to describe it."

"I think," Buffy laughed softly as she looked up at her. "Alcohol and us do not mix."

"Just figuring that out now? Maybe we should work on that simple thing you were talking about the other day cos I don't think anything else is gonna work for us right now."

"What do you suggest we do then?"

"Well," Faith sighed as she pointed to the door of the club. "We go back in there for starters, have a couple of drinks, dance a little and then we'll go home and call it a night."

"You'll come home?"

"That's what I said, didn't I?" Faith chuckled as she leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.

Buffy smiled and it melted Faith's heart, just a little more than the kiss had. She was trying to take things in the right direction, a slow direction, and it seemed like so far she was able to pull it off. She needed to do this right despite how everything started between them. She needed to, for once in her life, be the woman she knew Buffy deserved to have, to love.

For the first time she didn't regret running away from everything just to try and sort through her head on her own. Even in the past, every time she'd run away she always came running back one way or another. Now she knew she was running away from love because she was scared and running back because she could never stay away from Buffy for very long. Home was wherever Buffy was and as corny as it sounded to her, that's the only place she wanted to be, wherever she was.

She let herself go, let her fears go as they walked back into the club together. She stopped Buffy halfway across the dance floor and pulled her close. She was so used to dancing with her to harder, faster music and the song playing then was soft and slow. She just needed to feel, to relax and let herself become lost in the depths of Buffy's eyes as Buffy stared into hers with such intensity it was hard for her to look away. She forgot what she knew was a pretty fucked up situation between them, she forgot there was anyone else around them and for once she just focused on what was right there in front of her.

Everything seemed perfect. Too perfect despite how the night had started off. That was until she found herself being flung halfway across the club. Dazed and rather confused, she picked herself up from the floor, looking over at Buffy and a very, very pissed off Luke.


	7. Chapter 7

The club had fell into shocked silence as Faith stood in front of Luke and rubbed the bump on the back of her head. Buffy couldn't speak. She too joined the people around them, her mouth slightly open as her eyes darted between Faith and Luke as she tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

"What the hell, Luke?" Faith muttered as the music began playing again and most of the people around them went off and left the three of them standing there. "I repeat, what the hell?!"

"We were just dancing," Buffy said softly as she lightly gripped onto his arm. "There was no reason for you to react like that."

"No reason?" Luke laughed as he shook his head. "You were not just dancing with her."

"Now isn't a good time to play the jealous boyfriend card," Faith said angrily as she continued to rub the bump on the back of her head. "And how the hell did you get so fucking strong?"

"That is really none of your concern," he said wryly as he turned to look at Buffy. "I come home early and see that. Do you care to explain what is going on or do I have to jump to more conclusions?"

Faith gave Buffy a quick glance before she walked away quickly. She didn't want to be there and listen to the two of them. It wasn't a conversation she wanted to hear and she was still dazed from the sudden turn of events. She joined Xander and Dawn at the bar. Both of them were looking at her like she'd just come back from the dead. She motioned to Karla to bring her a drink and she leaned against the bar and sighed heavily.

"How did he..." Dawn said softly as she stood in front of Faith, blocking her view of a visibly arguing Buffy and Luke. "Do you think he's..."

"He's no vamp," Faith muttered. "I don't fucking know how he threw me that far or how the hell he got that strong. Fuck. Leave it to Buffy to get involved with something less than human and not even know it. Or she does know what he is and doesn't want us to know. I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore."

"I knew there was something I didn't like about him," Dawn said as she turned to look at Luke and Buffy as he pulled her out of the club rather forcefully. "Shouldn't you go after them, Faith?"

"Fuck no. This is Buffy's mess, that's her boyfriend. She can deal with him and in case you've forgotten, Dawnie," Faith said as she turned and grabbed her beer that Karla placed behind her. "Buffy can take care of herself."

"Are you coming back home tonight?"

"Don't think so."

"Faith," Dawn sighed as she leaned against the bar next to her. "Staying away isn't making everything better, it's making it worse and you know it."

"Actually I'm thinking right now that staying away is probably for the better considering Luke is back."

"She's breaking up with him," Dawn said, but her voice faltered as if she didn't believe it either.

"If he lets her," Faith muttered under her breath before she drank half her beer and closed her eyes, trying to drown out the sounds of the club and the throbbing in her head. "Guy makes my skin crawl. Just thought before it was cos I was jealous he got to be with Buffy, you know? Should've known better."

"This is crazy!" Dawn exclaimed as she shook her head and turned to face Xander. "What are you thinking about all of this?"

"I'm thinking it is definitely beyond crazy."

"I know you never liked Luke. None of us did."

"Hold up," Faith said as she looked at Dawn and Xander. "Nobody likes him?"

Xander shook his head as he put his arm around Dawn's shoulders. "No."

"Not even Joyce?"

"She cannot stand him. She always said she had a bad feeling about the guy," Xander replied. "But you know how Joyce is. She always gives everyone the benefit of a doubt."

"Glad I wasn't the only one. Like I said, I thought it was my jealousy talking here."

"Luke isn't a bad guy despite what just happened," Xander said calmly. "I know it's hard to see otherwise now, but he wouldn't hurt Buffy."

"How can you be so sure of that? Did you see how fucking far he threw me?"

"I did. We all did. And I know he won't hurt her or lay a hand on her because, he's not like that."

"I am not going to stand here and listen to you defend him!" Faith snapped as she clenched her fists at her side. "Sure I don't know the guy like you all do, doesn't make it any more right for him to fucking throw me halfway across the club!"

"Faith..."

Faith ignored him as she looked around the club and quickly finished her beer. She fished out some bills from her pocket and handed them to Karla. She knew she'd given her more than what her tab totalled to and more than what was considered a generous tip, but she didn't care. She wanted to get out of there. Her head was killing her and the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach was making her feel sick. Without explaining herself, she said good night to Dawn and Xander and made her way out of the club.

The fresh air hit her hard and she looked around the street, looking for any sign of Buffy and Luke, but the streets were nearly empty other than a few couples that walked hand in hand towards the club. She groaned as she pulled on her jacket and walked across the street to the motel. She just wanted to sleep now and hope to hell when she woke up it was all just a dream. A nightmare. And she wasn't just hoping that the night had been a dream, she was hoping that the last week was.

Her mind was racing, making sleep impossible and she slammed the door behind her and flipped on the only light in the room. It flickered as she laid down on the unmade, uncomfortable bed and the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach grew bigger when she realized she should have gone after Buffy and Luke.

Whatever Luke was, he was strong. Possibly stronger than her and Buffy. She had never worried about Buffy in the past. She never had reason to. She knew staying away wasn't the right thing to do. If she wanted to do the right thing, she had to go back home. Without thinking more about it, she quickly grabbed her clothes and shoved them in the bag. She left the key on the bare dresser and left. She walked back to the house, slowly at first and when she'd gotten about halfway that was when she started running. She felt like her lungs were about to burst by the time she reached the house and she flung open the front door and nearly collapsed on the floor.

"Faith? Where on earth have you been?" Joyce asked as she walked out of the kitchen. "We've been worried about you."

"Where's Buffy?"

"She didn't find you?"

"She did. Luke came back. She's not here, is she?"

"I don't believe so, no," Joyce replied, shaking her head as she motioned for Faith to follow her into the kitchen. "Have you been drinking?"

"Had a few."

"Would you like some coffee? Tea?"

Faith nodded as she dropped her bag at the foot of the stairs and followed Joyce into the kitchen. She knew there'd be a talk. A serious one. She knew that for one of two reasons. Joyce offering to make her coffee or tea always meant she wanted to talk and from the look on her face, it wasn't a good thing. The second reason was what Joyce said as soon as they were in the kitchen.

"We need to talk."

She sat at the table while Joyce made a pot of coffee. She fidgeted with the hem of her jacket before she slid it off and draped it over the back of her chair. Her mind was going over what Joyce possibly wanted to talk to her about and the only thing she could think of was that she knew what happened between her and Buffy.

"Faith," Joyce said softly as she joined her at the table. "I know that over the last week there's been a lot going on and in fact, ever since you've come back a lot of things have changed."

"What do you mean?"

"I know how you feel about Buffy."

"Oh."

"I'm not angry or upset," she said with a soft smile. "A little surprised, sure. When you left and I saw how upset Buffy was, I got her to talk to me about why. She told me some things I never thought I'd ever hear come out of her mouth and to say I was shell-shocked is an understatement."

"What exactly did she tell you?"

Joyce laughed as she looked over at Faith. "You are nervous talking about this, aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah."

"She told me that you are in love with her and that she feels the same way. She also told me, in very little detail, what happened the night of the party."

Faith felt herself blush. She never blushed, but this was Joyce and talking to her about this was something she never thought would happen, at least not so soon. She ran a shaky hand through her hair as she kept her eyes on the table, unable to look up at Joyce as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. Worrying about Buffy not being able to handle and protect herself from Luke was the furthest thing from her mind.

"I honestly do not know what to say about that," Joyce said softly and she laughed when Faith still didn't look up at her. "I am a little surprised though. I had no idea you two felt that way about each other and apparently I'm the only one who thinks this way."

"Does everyone know or something?"

"No, everyone has come to their own conclusions about the...nature of your relationship with Buffy. She told me when she was upset and you know how she gets when she is upset. She says a lot of things she probably doesn't want anyone to know."

"Right."

Joyce reached out and grabbed onto Faith's hand. "Look at me, Faith. I only ever want one thing for both of my daughters and that is for them to be happy. If you make Buffy happy, then I'm happy. I am not pleased with her doing this while she is still with Luke either, believe me, I am not. She's always been..."

"Clinging onto a relationship even though she knows it's not healthy?"

"Yes."

"I always wondered why she did that," Faith said as she let out of soft sigh. "Do you know why?"

"She may be my daughter, but I have no idea why she does half the things she does," Joyce replied with a laugh. "Now, what happened tonight?"

"Nothing..."

"Faith, I can read you like a book. What happened tonight?"

"Well, she found me over at that club, you know the one?"

"No, which one?"

"The one we used to always go to, the Hole? Think they changed the name, didn't bother to check the sign."

"Oh, yes."

"We kind of had an argument and then we made up, no big, right? Had a couple drinks and Dawn and Xander came in and found us there together. Everything was going pretty good after that, you know, as good as it could be right now and then Luke came back and threw me halfway across the fucking room!"

Joyce raised an eyebrow at that and Faith shook her head as she tried to breathe without breaking down.

"I think...he's not human," she finished and that earned an eye roll from Joyce. "You knew that though, didn't you?"

"She didn't tell you, did she?"

"Tell me what?"

"He's...I guess you'd call him a half-bred vampire. Buffy tried to explain it to me once and you know me when it comes to all of this. In one ear and out the other. It didn't surprise me though to find out she'd fallen for yet another...vampire, especially after Angel."

Faith closed her eyes as she laid her head down on the table, forcing the tears back. What the hell had she gotten herself into? Everything was fine before she had gone and fell in love with Buffy. She didn't lift her head up from the table until Joyce placed a cup of coffee in front of her and she quickly wiped away her tears, laughing at the state she was in.

"I feel so pathetic."

"Why?"

"Cos I've never been in love with anyone before," Faith said as she gripped the mug and stared down into it. "I don't know how to do this. It's not like Buffy is making it easy for me either. She's still with Luke and after his little display of jealousy tonight, I don't know if she's..."

"If what?"

"What if he doesn't let her go?"

"Buffy does not allow the men in her life control her. You should know better than to think she does."

"I know, but, Luke is different. She told me she was going to break things off with him and then she told me she called him and couldn't do it over the phone. How hard can it be just to tell someone that it's over? Why does it have to be in person? What the fuck difference does it make?"

"Faith," Joyce said calmly as she reached out and placed her hand over Faith's as she gripped the mug harder. "I know what Buffy has been doing feels wrong and it is, but you can't help it sometimes to want to try and do the right thing. Her intentions may not be fair to you, or to Luke, but it'll all get sorted in the end. You'll see."

They both looked over at the back door as it opened and Buffy walked in. She was beaten, not badly, and her lower lip had been split open. Joyce leapt up from her chair and walked over to her, carefully examining her before she sat Buffy down at the table and got a cool, wet towel. Faith looked at her, relieved to see she was okay and worried about what had happened between her and Luke.

"What happened?" Joyce asked as she pulled up a chair and dabbed Buffy's bleeding lip. "Did he do this?"

"No, it wasn't him. We had an argument in his car, I told him it was over between us and he left me out there alone. I was walking home and ran into a couple of vamps who got the upper hand. I didn't have any weapons on me so it took me a little longer to fight them. I'm fine, Mom. It's just a cut," she winced as Joyce continued to dab away the blood slowly seeping from her split lip.

"So, it's over?" Joyce asked softly, looking long and hard at Buffy. "You told him it's over and he knows it?"

"I did. After he finished yelling at me for cheating on him, he told me he was going back to Florida, if that was even where he went in the first place."

"I'm thinking he went somewhere else that's warm, like Hell," Faith muttered under her breath and both Joyce and Buffy looked over at her. "What? It's possible, you know considering what he is."

"You told her?" Buffy asked Joyce, wincing as Joyce dabbed her lip with the cotton ball soaked in alcohol.

"Why didn't you tell me, B? Afraid I'd thrown the whole Angel and Spike thing into your face?" Faith asked, her voice icy cold as she stood up from the table. "Don't answer that. I know there's plenty you've neglected to tell me. I get it. I do. Whatever, B. You'll tell me whatever you want to tell me when it is convenient for you."

"Faith, it isn't like that!"

"Then tell me, what is it like?"

"I just...I didn't think it mattered. At least I didn't until..."

"Until I told you how I felt about you then you grew too chicken-shit to tell me what he really is?"

"I'm sorry. I should have told you...I..."

Joyce sighed as she stood up, glancing at the two of them for a moment before she walked out of the kitchen, leaving them there to talk about this alone. Faith sat back down and watched as Buffy ran her fingers over her swollen split lip, the tears still falling as she avoided looking at Faith. The alcohol she'd drank that day was doing a heavy number on her and even though it was fading, she still felt the room spinning around her.

Faith chewed on her lower lip, fighting back the urge to say some rather nasty things about Luke. Buffy didn't need to hear it, not now or anytime soon. It was clear she was hurting on the inside as well as the outside. Despite how she did feel about Faith, she did have feelings for Luke that weren't going to just disappear now that he was gone. She didn't even know what to say to her now. She wanted to sit next to her, hold her and kiss her and tell her that everything would be okay now. She wasn't even so sure it would be yet she wanted nothing more than to tell Buffy that. She wanted to apologize again and again for taking off the way she had and she knew Buffy understood why she did what she had to do. Buffy might not have fully understood when they talked about it in the bathroom at the club, but from the feelings Faith was getting from her, she definitely did now.

"Are we going to be okay now?" Buffy asked softly, breaking the silence and the growing tension between them. "Faith?"

"Are we?"

"I asked you first."

"I guess," she shrugged. "I want everything to be okay, B. You know I do. I'm just sick and tired of the fucking drama. I think this is why I never did relationships, why I never let myself fall in love with anyone before. Always knew there'd be some kind of drama and it wouldn't end well one way or another."

"It'll be different now," Buffy said as she stood up and walked over and sat next to Faith. "There's nothing stopping us from being together now unless you don't want to do this anymore?"

"You think after everything I've just been through with you that I'd just what, get up and walk away?"

"You did the other day!"

"That was different, Buffy. Do you even know what Willow said about me? Do you even care that she lied to you about how she felt about you being with me?"

"What did she say?"

"She thinks that I'm using you. That I'm lying to you about how I feel about you."

"She doesn't...."

"But she does, B. I heard it. You know how much that hurt? Felt like I was stabbed in the gut. That was the final draw and that's what made me take off the way I did."

"Willow talked to me after you left and she was afraid you might have heard her and Kennedy talking. She didn't mean it like that, Faith. She's just as fucking confused as we both are!"

"News flash, Blondie. I am not fucking confused about how I feel about you!"

"You were right before. Maybe we shouldn't be talking about this until we are both sober. I hate this."

Faith groaned softly as she reached out and pulled Buffy onto her lap and held her close. "Don't cry, B."

"Why does it have to be so hard?"

"Life is hard, but we deal with it. We can deal with this. We're in it together, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are."

"Besides, B. The way I'm looking at it right now, New Years is just around the corner. How about we use it to start fresh, start this right?" Faith smiled at her as she wiped away her tears. "We can be together the way we want to be. Nothing is going to stop us this time and nothing is going to hold us back either. We pretty much got everyone's blessings to be together."

"We do?"

"We do," she laughed as she gave Buffy a light kiss, careful to mind her swollen lip as much as she could. "Don't know how Giles feels about all of this, but I imagine we'll find out tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow?"

"Cos, B," Faith said softly as she tucked a few strands of hair behind Buffy's ear. "Your lip will be pretty much healed by tomorrow and I'm gonna be kissing you every chance I get. You'll be permanently attached to my lips except for when we need to eat and drink."

"And breathe," Buffy chuckled as she shook her head. "It's going to be one hell of a ride for us, isn't it?"

"Way things started out, I'm thinking it will. I'm also thinking you'll be riding me too."

Buffy playfully swatted her arm as Faith laughed. "Is that all you ever think about?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

"God, this has been a fucked up night."

"B! Language!" Faith laughed as she poked her in the ribs. "I'm thinking I'm rubbing off on you and definitely not in the way I want to be right about now."

"Faith, be serious. This night has been...completely fucked up. I had no idea Luke was going to show up like that. I'm kind of glad he did. I didn't want to keep stringing you along like I have been. I'm sorry, Faith."

"It's almost over though. And in case you haven't figured it out, I've forgiven you already."

"Just like that?"

"What can I say? Love is pretty crazy and people in love do crazy things, don't they?"

"Of course."

"You are right about it being one crazy fucked up night. I don't think I've felt so much all crammed in here," Faith said as she took Buffy's hand and placed it over her heart. "I don't want to feel the way I've been feeling lately cos it hurts."

"I know. I'm sorry..."

"Buffy, I didn't say that to get an apology out of you. I just wanted you to know."

"I don't want you to feel that way ever again," she said softly as she laid her head on Faith's shoulder and stifled her sobs as best as she could. "But I am sorry for putting you through all of this. It wasn't fair. I was being selfish and I..."

"No more talking, B. Let's just leave it for tonight and we'll talk in the morning. Right now I think we should call it a night and go to bed, sleep it off. Alcohol makes me ramble on and on and your mom got a nice little taste of that tonight."

"She did?"

"Yeah, but she was being pretty cool about it. Wouldn't expect anything less from her."

"Will you..." Buffy sighed as she got off of Faith's lap. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Sure."

"I liked waking up in your arms the other morning," she smiled as she reached for Faith's hand. "It was...nice."

"Yeah," Faith smiled as she leaned in and gave her a light kiss. "Definitely nice. Just try not to sleep on my arm all night. Took forever for me to get the feeling back."

Buffy only laughed as they walked out of the kitchen together. As soon as they were at the top of the stairs, Willow came out of her room, tears streaming down her cheeks as she hugged Buffy tightly then hugged Faith even tighter. In between the sobs she said she was sorry over and over again. Faith let go of Buffy's hand and hugged Willow back, not knowing what else to do. Willow was trembling as Faith held onto her and she pulled her away and smiled as she watched Willow wipe away her tears.

"I'm so sorry, Faith. What you heard me say, I didn't mean it. I really didn't."

"It's okay, Red."

"No, it's not okay! It made you want to run, it made you even more insecure and that was the last thing I wanted to happen to you. You didn't deserve me thinking about you like that. I don't think about you like that. I know what I said you might think otherwise, but I was confused and angry and I don't know what I was thinking when I was telling Kennedy those things. I don't think of you like that, I really don't. You are a wonderful person and we haven't given you much of a chance. I know you love Buffy, you wouldn't have put yourself through everything you have the last week if you didn't."

Faith smiled at the babbling and pulled Willow in for another hug. "It's okay, Red. Really. It's done and over with now. Let's just move on, okay?"

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

"You don't have to..."

"Name it and I'll do it," she said softly as she looked over at Buffy. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I broke up with Luke."

"You did?!"

"Yes I did."

"So I don't need to work any mojo on making him disappear indefinitely?"

Faith had to laugh at that. Buffy did too as she slipped her arm around Faith's waist and held her close. Willow smiled goofily as she grabbed both their hands and pulled them into Buffy's bedroom.

"He's really out of the picture now?" Willow asked as she closed the door behind him. "Is he?"

"Yes, he is," Buffy replied. "We had a pretty big fight when I told him tonight, but he's gone."

"Wait...he did this to you?"

"Will...he didn't do this to me."

"So, he didn't hit you?"

"No. I got jumped by some vamps on the way home. I'll be okay, Will. It's over now."

"I am still going to kill him," she said angrily.

"Let's put everything behind us, okay? The New Year is coming soon and we should use it to start over. All of us need that right now," Faith said softly, surprised at how calm she was managing to stay at the moment.

"Yes, we do," Willow smiled back at her and opened the door. "You two are going to be okay now?"

"We are," Buffy said softly from the bed. "We'll definitely be okay now."

"Do I have to sound-proof the room for you two?"

"Will! Get out of here!"

Buffy flung a pillow at Willow as she quickly darted out of the room. Faith laughed as she closed the door and bent down and picked up the pillow and found herself being hit in the head by another. She was too tired to play along and she tossed the pillows on the bed as she flopped down on her back next to Buffy. It was definitely one of the longest days of her life and she did not want to go through another day like this one any time soon. Her head was starting to spin again as Buffy moved closer to her and linked their hands.

"We'll really be okay?" Buffy asked softly and Faith turned to look at her, seeing the shadow of a doubt hiding behind the tears in her eyes. "Are we?"

"We will be okay, B."

"It shouldn't have gone this way, Faith. I didn't want it to go this way."

"I know, B. Don't worry about it. Told you before, it's done and over with now. Let's just start over and forget everything that has happened, okay?"

Buffy nodded as she closed her eyes and laid her head on Faith's shoulder. As tired as Faith was, she couldn't sleep. She didn't want any more drama. She was done with the drama. She wanted to start living her life with Buffy. She wanted to love Buffy and let Buffy love her. She wanted to do things the way they should be done, the way it should have been right from the beginning.


	8. Chapter 8

Faith woke to the sunlight streaming in through the window. She blinked a couple of times, the slight hangover making her feel a little woozy. She looked down at Buffy still asleep in her arms and she couldn't help but smile. All night she'd kept her hands to herself, well, mostly to herself. She was tired and they had both been drinking and there was no way in hell she wanted another repeat of Christmas Eve. She couldn't let that happen, not if they were going to do things right this time.

She stretched out a little, feeling a bit stiff from sleeping in one position all night. They'd both had slept in the clothes they wore the day before and Faith was uncomfortable and the waistband of her jeans was digging rather painfully into her hips. She tried to slip out from under Buffy without waking her and she groaned when Buffy held onto her tightly to keep her from moving away.

"Morning," Buffy mumbled sleepily as she lifted her head from Faith's shoulder and smiled at her. "Trying to sneak off already?"

"No," she replied as she leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips before smiling back at her. "Slept in my clothes all night, just trying to get comfortable is all."

"Right," Buffy laughed as she looked down at both of their bodies and rolled away from Faith a little as she stretched out. She sighed out as she laid her head back down on Faith's shoulder and reached for her hand. "Did last night really happen?"

"Yes. Can you do me a favour?"

"What's that?"

"Never mention Luke ever again to me."

"I wasn't going to and yes, I can do that if you do me a favour too," Buffy smiled as she lightly brushed her lips against Faith's. "Kiss me."

"I can do that," Faith whispered as she pulled Buffy so she lay nearly on top of her. She felt surrounded by her even before their lips tentatively met.

The kiss was almost painfully slow and bittersweet. Faith wasn't about to rush anything. She wanted to make every moment last and engrave each memory into her mind. She wanted to take it slow with Buffy even though her body was begging her to ravish her in an instant. She couldn't do that even though the soft sighs coming from Buffy told her she wanted that to happen right then and there as well. She deepened the kiss as Buffy moved more fully on top of her and she gently eased her off to the side as she broke away from the kiss.

"What did you stop for?"

Faith deadpanned as she struggled to come up with the right words to say. She wasn't sure why she stopped other than wanting to take it slow with Buffy. Her stomach growled and she smirked as she rubbed her stomach to ease her hunger pains.

"Oh," Buffy laughed before she could even say a word. "Figures."

"Don't take it to heart, B. You know food always comes first with me."

"Really? You'd rather eat than kiss me?"

Faith laughed as she slowly sat up on the bed and tried to tame her unruly hair with her fingers. "Told you last night all I'm gonna be doing is kissing you. But first, breakfast."

"Can't we wait for a little while longer? I kind of want to..."

"You know something, B?" Faith asked as she pulled Buffy into her lap. She groaned softly as Buffy moved to straddle her and she momentarily lost her train of thought as Buffy lightly ran her fingers over her shoulders and to the back of her neck. "You should know that I'm a little possessive."

"Are you?"

"Yeah. Why do you think I reacted the way I did last night?"

"I...I thought we weren't going to talk about that?"

"I know. I was just making a point. All these months I've buried my feelings for you and I buried the jealousy I felt every time I saw you with him. Until the other night I just...I don't know how to do this, Buffy."

"Do what?"

"Be in love without being jealous or angry. I just want you to be mine."

"I am yours," Buffy smiled sweetly at her. "I am only yours now."

"I want to know what is gonna happen if he does come back, Buffy."

"He's not coming back."

"What if he does?" Faith asked, unable to shake off the fact that deep down she had a feeling things truly weren't done between Luke and Buffy. "I'm not saying I'm worried you'll go back to him. I just...I'm afraid of what he's gonna do if he does come back."

"He's not coming back, Faith. He's gone. And you shouldn't be worried about him doing anything. He's not like that."

"I can't help it. Last night was completely fucked up and this morning..."

"Is equally fucked up?" Buffy asked. She raised an eyebrow as she gently stroked the back of Faith's neck when Faith didn't say anything. "You really haven't been in a relationship before, have you?"

"No. Pretty fucking obvious, isn't it?"

"I told you I can be patient. I'll show you what it's like to be in a relationship, what it's like to be in love and you're gonna wonder why you never tried it before."

"You want to know why I never tried it before, B? Cos the only person I've ever wanted to be with is you."

"Are you still hungry?" Buffy asked softly, her lips barely brushing against Faith's as Faith ran her fingers over the sides of Buffy's jean-clad thighs.

"Hmm, no."

Her heart began to race as Buffy kissed her deeply. No matter what amount of drama they were going through, she knew they'd get over it and forget about it one way or another. For the second time that morning, she submerged herself in the kiss, holding her close as their tongues battled and fought and danced passionately. Faith slid her hands up the back of Buffy's shirt, her fingertips dancing over the smooth skin of her back ever so slowly. She stopped when she reached the clasp of Buffy's bra and she broke away from the kiss, her eyes searching Buffy's for signs to take it one step further.

Her heart was telling her no, to keep it just at kissing for now. After what Buffy had just gone through, she couldn't let either of them jump in too far too fast. There'd be plenty of time for that later on and somehow, Buffy knew what she was thinking as she waited for Faith to lower her hands before kissing her again. The restraint she was showing surprised her too, but then again, the woman she was turning into over the course of the last week surprised her too.

"Faith..."

"Mm?"

"Maybe we should...go get some breakfast..."

Faith sighed as she trailed her lips over Buffy's jaw and slowly down her neck. "Breakfast can wait. I don't think anyone else is even awake right now."

"I know, but if you keep doing that...I'm going to want to do a lot more than just kiss you right now."

Faith stopped and pulled back just enough to look up at her. "I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you right now too, but we can't. One step at a time, B. If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right this time."

"Faith, I think it is sweet that you want to take this one step at a time, but don't you think we've already dove head first into this?"

"We have."

"So..." Buffy smirked as she ran her fingers over Faith's neck and over her shoulders lightly. "We can't..."

Faith raised an eyebrow and bit her lower lip as Buffy moved her hands down to gently cup her breasts. She stifled the moan that escaped her lips as Buffy brushed her thumbs over her hardening nipples through the thin material of her bra and t-shirt. Electric shocks went through her body as she stared into Buffy's eyes, her breath hitching in her chest as Buffy trailed her hands down her stomach and to the hem of her shirt. The boldness Buffy was showing right then was turning her on and she knew if she kept that up, slow would have lost all meaning.

She gripped onto Buffy's hips as she leaned in and kissed her deeply. She stopped Buffy from moving her hands under her shirt and flipped her over so she was lying on her back. She hovered over her and kept kissing her, pinning both of her hands against the mattress to keep her hands from wandering. Her whole body felt as if it was on fire and she needed so much more than what they were doing. She had to fight to keep her resolve though. She couldn't just jump into fucking Buffy so soon after things ended with Luke. She broke away from the kiss abruptly and looked down at a rather dazed Buffy.

"Fuck, why couldn't I have had this kind of resolve before?"

"Huh?" Buffy sighed as she stared up at Faith. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm holding myself back, B. I should have held myself back before."

"You regret what happened on Christmas Eve?"

"No, yes...I don't know."

"Either you do or you don't, Faith."

"We were drunk, B. Even if we didn't have any feelings for each other, it doesn't matter. We were drunk and you cheated on Luke with me. It isn't something I can just fucking forget now that he's out of the picture."

Buffy pushed her off and sat up slowly, shaking her head and laughing a little as she looked down at her. "This is really bothering you, isn't it? You can't even kiss me without thinking about what happened that night, can you?"

"I'm trying, B. I really am."

"This wasn't how I thought it'd go when we'd try to start over. We're right back where we were before."

"Buffy..."

"No matter what happens, Faith, I can't stop you from thinking the things you do or reacting the way you do. You know how I feel about you and you know that I want you. I don't want this to continue to come between us. I want us to be okay. I don't want any more drama. I've had more than enough of it in my life and I know you have too."

"So, what are we gonna do then?"

"I really don't know," Buffy sighed as she laid back down next to Faith. "I'm tired of bouncing back and forth. I want to show you how I feel about you. I want to erase those thoughts you keep having that are keeping you from letting yourself go."

"I'm already fucking it up, aren't I?"

"No, you aren't fucking anything up, Faith."

"Why does it feel like just when we were about to be okay that I turn around and made it not okay again?"

Buffy frowned as she ran her fingers over Faith's furrowed brow. "No relationship is perfect. Ours isn't and it probably won't be. It can be close to perfect if we try though, but we'll always find something to fight over and disagree about no matter what. There is always going to be doubts about where things are going and where we'll end up. The only thing we can do it move past those things, together."

"Should have just gone down to get some breakfast before I fucked it all up again."

"Faith, stop it."

"Fine."

"I hate this about you. You are always so insecure. You don't need to be insecure when it comes to me, okay? I love you, I'm so in love with you and I'll do anything to make you realize that from here on out everything is going to be okay and nothing is going to keep us from being together. Nothing, okay?"

Faith nodded and felt like kicking herself. She knew her insecurities were driving her, they were controlling her emotions and causing her to hold onto what she knew she should just let go of and move on from. She knew she had to stop feeling the way she was. It was a part of her she'd never been able to get rid of before. It wasn't like she never tried to before. She never had a reason to try before now. She closed her eyes, not caring that she let a few tears fall and she sighed contentedly when Buffy began lightly kissing away the tears as they fell. She tried to relax and she opened her eyes and found Buffy staring right back at her with a smile on her face.

"It's not going to be easy, Faith. We both know that. But I love you and you love me, right?"

"I do."

"Then we can get over this no matter how hard it is and no matter how many setbacks we have to face. It's going to be hard for me to...restrain myself too."

"Oh yeah?" Faith laughed as she wiped away the rest of her tears. "You won't be the only one."

"Let's go down to the basement and spar for an hour before breakfast. We need to release some of this tension and what better way to do that then to kick each other's asses around the basement for awhile?"

"You know I can never say no to that."

"Good," Buffy smiled again and gave her a quick kiss before she got up from the bed. "I'll meet you down there in ten minutes."

Faith found herself being pulled off the bed before she had a chance to react. Flustered, she stood outside Buffy's bedroom door as Buffy only winked and shut the door quickly behind her. With a shake of her head she walked to her own room and quickly changed into her sweats and headed down for the basement.

She stopped as she passed the kitchen, lured in there by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. She wasn't surprised to see Joyce and Giles sitting at the table and talking quietly. She tried not to listen in on their conversation. A conversation she knew had changed as soon as she'd descended the stairs and she poured herself a cup of coffee and grabbed a freshly baked muffin out of the basket on the counter. She was going over and over in her mind what happened since she woke up. It wasn't like she could stop herself from thinking about it. She knew things could have been a hell of a lot worse between Luke and Buffy and even though she was relieved they hadn't been she still wanted to kick Luke's ass for reasons of her own.

She finished the muffin and tried to drink her coffee as soon as she heard Buffy come down the stairs. She ignored the looks Joyce and Giles gave her as she headed down to the basement. She groaned in frustration when she found Kennedy already down there, punching the brand new Everlast bag in time to the driving hard rock music that blared out of the speakers.

"Hey," Kennedy smirked as she turned to face her. "Heard what happened last night. Everything okay now?"

"Everything is gonna be five by five."

"Wow," she laughed as she walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. "I haven't heard you say that in a long time."

"Eh," Faith shrugged as she walked over to the middle of the mats and began stretching. "What are you doing down here so early?"

"I'm always down here early. Just because it's the holidays doesn't mean any of us can slack on the training schedule. You pissed off I'm down here or something?"

"No."

"You want to spar or is Buffy coming down in a minute?"

"She'll be here in a minute," Faith replied as she looked down at the mats and sighed heavily. She wanted to talk about what was going on with somebody other than Buffy. She hoped that if she could, maybe she'd make more sense out of everything and stop feeling the way she was. "Things are complicated. A different complicated now, Ken. You think with Luke out of the picture now we could just fall into place and be happy together."

"Relationships take a lot of work," she said as she moved to sit across from her. "So, Luke is definitely out of the picture now?"

"Buffy said he is, but I get this feeling he'll be back."

"What are you going to do if he does come back?"

"Besides kick his ass? I don't know."

"If Buffy told him it's over, he won't be back."

"How do you know that?"

"No offense, but I think we all know Luke a little better than you do, Faith. You never even gave the guy a chance. Although I don't blame you for not wanting too. He does come off a little on the creepy side sometimes," Kennedy chuckled and she quieted down as the basement door opened. "Stop being so insecure about yourself, okay?"

"What? I am not...okay maybe I am, but I have plenty of reason to."

"Which is?"

Faith shrugged. "I don't know. I just am."

"I'll leave you two alone," Kennedy winked as she playfully punched Faith in the shoulder before she stood up and smiled brightly at Buffy. "Good morning."

"Morning, Ken. Are you staying down here for awhile?"

"Oh no, I'm done for now. I'll see you two later."

"Okay," Buffy laughed softly as she went to turn the music up a little louder. "Should I have stayed upstairs a little while longer so you two could talk?"

"No, we were done talking."

Faith took that moment to look over at Buffy and she took a deep breath as she stood up. She really did have tension she needed to release. She hadn't been slaying since Christmas night and it was starting to bubble up inside of her like a rocket that was just about to be set off. They did a few quick stretches, neither of them taking their eyes off of each other and when Buffy threw the first punch, Faith grabbed onto her hand and pulled her down as she fell back on the mats. She crushed her lips against Buffy's, holding her tight against her as she fought to keep Buffy from pulling away.

"Faith when I said we should spar I didn't mean..."

"I know. I just needed to do that. I think I'm becoming addicted to kissing you, B. I never want to stop."

"Then don't stop," she whispered against her lips, smiling as Faith rolled them over and captured her lips once again in a slightly less forceful kiss. Buffy broke the kiss after a few long minutes and she poked Faith in the ribs in an attempt to get her off of her. "We should really spar."

"Yeah, we should."

"I'm thinking maybe we should..."

"Yeah..."

Faith sighed out as their lips met again. Buffy rolled her hips against Faith's, the loud music drowning out their moans as they kissed each other even deeper. Faith slid her thigh between Buffy's legs slowly, loving the feel of her body reacting to her touch. She knew she had to stop. It was already getting out of control, but she'd thrown her resolve out of the window the second she pulled Buffy in for the kiss.

"We should stop," Buffy whispered breathlessly, her hips subtly grinding into Faith's strong thigh.

"Yeah, we should."

"I don't want to though," Buffy laughed softly. "God, I feel like I'm a teenager again."

"You and me both, B."

"But we should stop, Faith. Anyone can come down and I'm so not a fan of getting caught in compromising positions with my girlfriend."

Faith rolled off of her, smiling to herself as she watched Buffy stand up and straighten her clothes. She slowly got up herself and they began circling each other, waiting for the first move to be made. Sparring together was definitely going to be a challenge if they couldn't keep their hands and lips off of each other long enough to get in a decent work-out. It was harder than she thought to fall back into the right frame of mind to just spar and not imagine fucking Buffy on the mats, on the couch or up against the wall by the stairs.

They managed to go at least ten minutes before Buffy dropped her hands and motioned for a time out. It had begun to get rather heated, the punches and kicks coming faster than either of them could block. Faith collapsed on the mats, her whole body breaking out in sweat as she tried to catch her breath. Her muscles were aching, just a little more than they usually did and she leaned up on her elbows as she watched Buffy down an entire bottle of water.

"You think we should tone it down about, B? Cos I have to say, intense."

"Are you tired, Faithy?"

"Not tired, just a little worn out. Big difference, Twinkie."

"Pity, because you completely wore me out. We never went full out like this before."

"Should have then maybe we'd be used to it and in better shape than we are now?"

"Please tell me you did not just say that," Buffy groaned as she sat on the couch and closed her eyes. "You are channelling Giles. 'Train more, you'll be thankful when you have more stamina and are stronger' he always says."

"Did I just say that?" Faith laughed, not moving from where she laid on the mats. "Maybe it was similar, but not quite. I do not channel Giles. That's kind of fucking freaky just to think of that."

They were quiet for awhile, just listening to the music as it continued to thump out of the old speakers. Faith got up after awhile, noticing Buffy had fallen asleep on the couch. With a quiet laugh, she leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead before she flipped off the music and went upstairs. The house was unusually empty and quiet and she went into the kitchen, hoping for breakfast and all she found was a note taped to the fridge.

"Great," she muttered as she read the note Joyce had written her and Buffy.

"What?" Buffy asked, startling Faith as she walked up behind her. "What's so great?"

"Nothing, uh, weren't you sleeping?" She sighed as she showed Buffy the note. "Looks like we got the whole house to ourselves today."

"That's a bad thing?"

"It is when you are trying to take things slow," she chuckled under her breath as she turned to face Buffy. "I'm going to go have a shower. You want to start breakfast or do you want to wait until later?"

"I'll make some of those pancakes you've become completely addicted to since you moved back and no, Faith, I won't burn them."

She laughed as she walked out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs to the main bathroom. She turned on the water, watching as the steam slowly filled the shower stall. Her mind was still racing, her emotions were on a high and she couldn't stop long enough just to relax and enjoy the little moments she and Buffy did have throughout the morning that weren't full of unnecessary drama.

It was her insecurities talking, of course. She couldn't just let them go. She did feel like a teenager again and not quite the way Buffy had meant it before either. She was walking head first into an ocean of feelings she'd never been through before. She wondered if that's why she was being torn back and forth continuously and allowing her damn insecurities to constantly take over at the wrong times.

She stripped out of her clothes and stepped under the hot spray of the water, sighing in relief as her tense muscles instantly relaxed. Just for once she wanted to go one day without feeling conflicted and she knew that was asking for way too much. No matter what she would do, she'd always feel conflicted around Buffy. She'd felt it before in the years that had passed when they were just friends. She wasn't going to let any of that step in the way of her feeling the way she did about Buffy though. She knew she was in love with her and if the fact that it took her a week to break things off with Luke hadn't pushed her away, nothing would. Not even herself.

She stayed in the shower until the water ran cold and when she stepped out she could smell nothing but the intoxicating smell of pancakes being cooked downstairs in the kitchen. She stopped in her room, picking out a pair of old jeans and a sweatshirt and threw them on quickly as a soft knock was tapped on her partially closed door.

"I made more than enough for you," Buffy said softly as Faith turned around to look her. "You didn't save any hot water for me, did you?"

"Sorry."

"I'll live. I'm thinking I could use a cold shower after this morning," Buffy said and she winked at Faith before she turned and walked away.

"Jesus," Faith groaned as she grabbed her towel and tried to dry her hair. "Does she have any fucking idea what she does to me when she looks at me like that?"

"I do," Buffy called out from the bathroom before the door shut.

"Fuck."

Laughing it off, she ran a comb through her hair and headed downstairs to eat. She stood at the counter, picking idly at the slightly burnt pancakes and stared out the back window. She never thought her life would end up like this when she had moved back here. She never thought she'd fall in love with Buffy and that Buffy would end up feeling the same way about her too. She never thought she'd feel so conflicted and yet feel like she knew deep down that no matter what stood in their way they would get through it all.

She started to think about Luke and for once she wasn't angry or feeling the jealousy she'd always felt before. She felt a little bit of pity. He'd lost a great woman to another woman; to her, Faith. A nobody. The 'other' Slayer. No matter how much Luke had made her skin crawl, she knew Buffy had never felt that way with him. She didn't want to be pissed off when she knew she really had no reason to be. Sure, he'd thrown her halfway across the club and when she thought about it, if she saw someone dancing with Buffy the way she had been, she would have done a lot more damage than Luke had done to her.

Despite what Luke was, he had treated Buffy right from what she knew. He had doted on her, practically worshipped the ground she walked on and that's exactly what Buffy had needed when she started to date him. It made her wonder what Buffy needed from her. She couldn't do the doting thing, as infatuated as she was, and she wasn't so sure she could do the worshipping thing unless it was in bed and she was worshipping Buffy's body with her lips and tongue.

"Have to stop thinking about that," she muttered to herself. "So not good for my resolve."

And it wasn't. They'd already went too far before anything could really develop between them, at least anything that would resemble the start of a healthy, loving relationship between them. They really did need to start over, as hard as she knew it'd be, but it had to happen. She was more than determined than she had been to make sure she didn't fuck things up any more. She wanted to be everything Buffy needed and wanted her to be. She wanted to be happy, for once in her life.

"Hey," Buffy said softly, walking up behind her and wrapped her arms around Faith. "Are they good?"

"The pancakes? Sure. Barely even noticed the burned parts when I put enough syrup on them."

"Faith, come on, they aren't burnt that badly," Buffy laughed as Faith took the last bite and turned around. "Did I interrupt any serious thinking time?"

"No. Not really. Although that's all I seem to do anymore."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No. Just a new thing," she smiled, kissing her to reassure her of any doubts she was thinking about. She knew then that they'd be okay if they took everything one day at a time. There wasn't any other way.


	9. Chapter 9

I decided, after writing this chapter the other day, that the next chapter (chapter 10) will be the last. This fic turned itself around on me and ended up not going quite the way I wanted it to, but nevertheless, enjoy :)

* * *

Two days passed and everything, surprisingly, was coming along smoothly. Faith was getting over her insecurities with Buffy's help and she was finally learning how to let down the walls she didn't even realize she still had built up around her. Luke wasn't brought up at all in the past two days and Faith was relieved about that. There was no way she was dragging up that dirty laundry, not when she and Buffy had finally fell into a familiar easy pace in their growing relationship.

They barely spent much time apart either. Faith really didn't mind having Buffy pretty much at her side at all hours of the day. It was comforting and sweet and she never felt more relaxed than she did just being near Buffy. The past couple of nights had been almost restless. Faith was still fighting her resolve when it came to taking things slow between the two of them. Whenever they got a chance to be alone, they were making out heavily like a pair of wild, hormonal teenagers. Those were Giles' words, not hers.

Just like she had done the night before Christmas Eve, she found herself sitting in the backyard on the bench staring up at the house, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. It was hard for her to believe all that had happened in the last eight days. It didn't surprise her at all thought. Once she'd admitted her feelings for Buffy, everything else fell into place, one by one.

"Hey," Buffy smiled as she sat down next to her. Faith tried not to look surprised, but it was hard not too when she hadn't even seen or heard her come out of the house. "Aren't you cold?"

"Freezing."

"What are you sitting out here for then?"

"Just thinking."

"The party has started," Buffy pointed out as she looked up at the house. "I see you've already started your own party out here all by yourself."

"One beer. I'm taking it easy tonight. Don't want a repeat of that night, right?"

"Definitely not."

"Last night of one fucking crazy year, B. How do you want to spend it?"

"With you, my friends and my family. The neighbours," Buffy chuckled as she moved in closer to her. "The neighbours are just an unfortunate bonus."

"Do you think we'll be missed if we duck out for a couple hours?"

"Probably not. What did you have in mind?"

"You. Me. Bedroom."

Buffy laughed as she swatted Faith's arm. "Stop joking around."

"I'm very serious."

She wanted to be with Buffy tonight, alone and as sober as they could be. She wanted to show Buffy how she felt properly, without the drunken fumbles and the awkward morning after. For the last two days it was all she had been able to think about and she couldn't fight the feelings anymore. She couldn't fight her libido since she knew she was fast losing that fight. She flicked her cigarette to the ground and looked down at Buffy, trying to figure out what she was thinking without even asking her.

There was a mix of emotions in her eyes and she knew then that Buffy was nervous. Despite all the flirting, the soft, subtle and not too subtle touches and the kisses over the last two days, she could tell that Buffy was nervous. She had to admit, and only to herself and the voices that chastised her constantly, that she was nervous too.

"Let's just go back inside for a little while, enjoy the party and we'll duck out for an hour later."

"B, are you serious? I need more than an hour with you," Faith said softly as she leaned in to kiss her. "You've been driving me crazy, B."

"Have I?" Buffy asked innocently as she ducked back from the kiss. "What about you? You think you haven't been driving me crazy either?"

Faith shrugged as she ran her hands over Buffy's smooth, bare thighs and toyed with the hem of her short black dress. Buffy grabbed her hands and pulled them away before they could disappear under the soft fabric of her dress. With a shy smile, she pulled Faith up from the bench and headed up to the house. The sound of laughter and the music hit them as soon as they walked inside. Buffy stopped when they reached the fridge and with a shake of her head, Faith led her towards the stairs.

"I have a bottle of wine upstairs waiting for us," she whispered as she leaned in close to her.

Buffy only smiled, her eyes showing how nervous she was as Faith gave her a soft and rather chaste kiss and headed up the stairs quickly. She knew she looked a little eager to get her alone and she didn't care. Two days of teasing had driven her to the brink of going completely insane. She started kissing Buffy as soon as they reached the top of the stairs and she walked backwards ever so slowly, her hands roaming as Buffy moaned softly into her mouth. Faith's entire body was buzzing as she reached her bedroom door. She fought to stop her roaming hands long enough to open the door and pull Buffy inside with her.

"God," Buffy sighed out as she broke away from the kiss. "You keep that up and we won't be going back down to the party tonight."

"Sounds good to me," Faith said under her breath as she closed the door and made sure it was locked.

"Faith..." Buffy said as she looked around the room. It was dark aside from a few candles Faith had lit not even half an hour before. "You so planned this, didn't you?"

"Hoped for it," she replied with a smirk as she pulled Buffy in close to her, her hands gently trailing down her back until she found the zipper on her dress. "Trying to make up for our first time, you know?"

"Mm-hmm," Buffy smiled into the kiss as she managed to slip out of her heels and pushed Faith back towards the bed. She pushed her down on the bed and motioned for her to stay right where she was as she reached back and slowly slid down the zipper.

Faith leaned up on her elbows, mesmerized by Buffy as she watched her slowly ease the dress down. She bit her lower lip as her eyes drank in the sight of Buffy standing in front of her in nothing but a sexy pair of black panties and a matching barely there bra. Whatever nervousness Buffy had felt before had disappeared as soon as they were in the bedroom and Faith definitely was not complaining. Feeling much too overdressed, she began unbuttoning her shirt with one hand, watching as Buffy picked up her dress and carefully laid it over the back of the chair.

Faith got up from the bed and walked up behind Buffy, her arms circling her from behind as she trailed her lips over the back of Buffy's neck. She turned Buffy around smiling at her as their eyes met and even in the flickering candlelight she knew she'd never seen anything more beautiful. Her heart was hammering in her chest as their lips tentatively met and her hands trailed up Buffy's back and stopped when she reached the clasp on her bra.

"Nuh uh, Faith. You're still a little overdressed," Buffy whispered against her lips as she slowly began to slide off Faith's shirt and carefully tossed it onto the chair. Her hands were instantly on the belt of her black leather pants and Faith felt completely helpless and under Buffy's spell as she let her set the pace between them.

Buffy pulled back from the kiss slowly as she unbuttoned Faith's pants and she laughed softly as she pushed her back onto the bed. Slowly she eased the tight leather pants off, her breath hitching in her chest as she drank in the sight of Faith lying on the bed in front of her. She looked a little nervous again all of a sudden, but Faith wasn't going to let her feel that too long. She reached out for her hands and pulled her down onto the bed, smiling up at her as she straddled Faith's hips and leaned in to kiss her.

"You are so fucking sexy," Faith whispered as she moved her lips down to Buffy's neck as she slowly flipped her over onto her back.

Buffy only whimpered as Faith gently bit the skin near her pulse point and continued kissing down her neck and slowly across her chest. She bit down on Buffy's hardening nipple through the thin lace of her bra as she eased her hand around her back and slowly unclasped it. Trying to take it slow and not wanting to rush anything, she slid the bra off and tossed it haphazardly behind her, smiling down at Buffy as she trailed her tongue over her right breast, purposely avoiding her nipple as she ran her fingers up her side, teasing her and loving the feel of Buffy's muscles rippling under her light touch.

She stared up at Buffy as she flicked her hard nipple with the tip of her tongue, her body buzzing uncontrollably now with every soft sigh and moan that escaped Buffy's lips. She closed her eyes as her tongue circled Buffy's nipple, groaning as Buffy raked her nails over her shoulders and down her back until she reached the clasp of her bra. Her heart was pounding so loudly she wouldn't be surprised if Buffy could hear it too, but she pushed all thoughts out of her mind as she focused on the gorgeous woman under her, prepared to fully worship her body with her hands, her lips and her tongue.

The sounds of the party downstairs faded away as Faith slowly kissed her way back up to Buffy's lips, both of them already slipping into their own little world together. She paused for a moment, just staring down at her and knew that everything she felt for her right then showed in her eyes. She still felt nervous. She'd never made love before and she didn't want to disappoint Buffy in any way. She knew she wouldn't though. She was insecure but not that insecure.

She slowly trailed her way back up to Buffy's lips and she kissed her deeply, lazily as she rocked her hips into Buffy's gently. Feeling as if she'd taken it slow enough, she trailed her lips back down, paying short attention to Buffy's breasts before lightly kissing her way down her stomach. She never took her eyes off of Buffy even though Buffy had hers closed and her breath's came out in struggled gasps with every light, tender kiss upon her skin. Faith was mesmerized by the taste of Buffy's skin; by the way her body reacted to every touch, every kiss and every gentle bite. A slow chill ran through her body as she ran the tips of her fingers over the barely there black lacy panties.

She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply as she hooked her fingers around the flimsy material and slowly began to slide them down. Her own body was reacting in very much the same way Buffy's was and she'd never quite felt so in tune with someone else. Not this way.

"Faith," Buffy breathed out softly as she ran her fingers through her hair, stopping her as she licked and nipped her way up Buffy's inner thigh. "I want to..."

"Yeah?" Faith smiled, knowing exactly what Buffy wanted to do. She slid off the bed and stood there at the foot of the bed, staring down at Buffy as she ever so slowly slid down her own panties. "Do you know how fucking sexy you look right now?"

"Do you know how gorgeous you look right now?" Buffy grinned as she ran her fingers over her own breasts slowly, further mesmerizing Faith. "Come here, baby."

Faith knelt down on the bed, dipping her head down low and captured Buffy's lips with her own. Buffy pushed her away before she could deepen the kiss and she raked her nailed over Faith's back, biting her lip as she waited for Faith to turn around. She gave Buffy one last kiss, smiling as sweetly as she could and she turned around and easily knelt over her head. She looked back as Buffy ran her hands over her back and around to her ass and with the first barely there touch of her tongue Faith felt her entire body, still buzzing wildly, start to hum.

Faith moaned out into the room as Buffy's tongue circled her throbbing clit and when she felt Buffy pull away, she knew what she was waiting for. Faith deftly ran her fingers over Buffy's clit, her hips rising slightly as Faith lowered her head and ran her tongue flat over Buffy's pussy, leaving no inch of skin untouched.

"Oh fuck," Buffy moaned as she threw her head back, her fingernails digging into Faith's backside as Faith dove her tongue in her hot, wet hole as deeply as she could.

Buffy was already close, Faith could feel it with every deep, hard thrust of her tongue. She knew she was close to and she knew that it wouldn't take much more to push her over the edge. It was more than just days of sexual tension that had built up between them, it was years upon years of it and it all was letting itself go right then and there.

"Fuck, B...I'm gonna..."

"Right there with you, baby."

Faith moaned as she latched onto Buffy's clit and gently slid two fingers inside of her as Buffy copied her move for move. Faith felt her orgasm coursing through her body all at once and with one last thrust of Buffy's fingers in her, she came, hard and fast. She gasped into Buffy's cunt, driving her fingers in and out of her quickly as she Buffy came just seconds later. She needed to hold her, to kiss her as she came down from what she knew without a doubt was probably the best, and fastest, orgasm she'd ever had.

"Fuck that was..."

"Incredible," Buffy whispered as Faith slowly managed to turn herself around and hold Buffy close to her. "I never did that before."

"No?"

"I meant...not like that," she laughed softly as Faith rested her forehead against hers. "I never came so fast before either."

"Me neither, baby," Faith groaned as she closed her eyes and gave her a sweet, tender kiss.

"I never thought you'd be so tender."

"Mm-hmm. I'm just full of surprises, aren't I?"

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't like to talk afterwards, do you?" Buffy asked and Faith gently shook her head no as she laid her head on the mattress next to Buffy's. "Oh my god."

"What?" Faith asked, her eyes opening up quickly in alarm. "What, B?"

"What if everyone...heard us?"

"Music is too loud, B," she chuckled softly as she relaxed again. "I love you, Buffy."

Buffy cupped Faith's face, smiling at her as they both stared deeply into each other's eyes. "I love you too, Faith."

They laid there for awhile with their arms around each other, basking in the afterglow and listened to the sounds of the party downstairs. Faith wanted to spend the rest of the night there in bed with Buffy, but she knew they couldn't. They had to go down and enjoy the party, ring in the New Year with their friends and family. Faith couldn't stop thinking about her though and she kissed her way along her neck, gently nibbling at the soft skin below her ear.

"Don't you think we should go downstairs?" Buffy asked softly as she ran the tips over her fingers over the side of Faith's breast, teasing her as Faith pulled away from her and stared at her looking rather confused. "Baby, we really should go back downstairs."

"Do you want to?"

"No, but you know we have to."

"Think we could just stay up here till eleven?"

"We could," Buffy smiled as she rolled Faith's stiff nipple between her fingers. "I'm sure we can figure out how to make the hours go by quickly."

Faith bit her lip as Buffy shifted her body down slowly, her lips instantly wrapped around the nipple her fingers had been teasing seconds before. Faith could only moan out into the quiet of the room as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the pleasurable sensations that came from Buffy's lips and tongue.

****

They slipped down to join the party just after eleven, both of them unable to keep their hands off of one another as they made their way through the crowded house to the kitchen. Kennedy instantly grabbed onto Faith's arm, pulling her away from Buffy and towards the table that was lined with dozens of bottles of alcohol.

"What gives?" Faith asked as she watched Kennedy place two shot glasses in front of them and poured them each a shot of whiskey.

"You and Buffy were sure upstairs for a long time."

"Yeah, and?"

"So?"

Faith laughed as she shook her head and tried to catch sight of Buffy in the crowded kitchen. "You want details now, Ken?"

"No," she laughed as she slugged Faith in the arm and shoved the shot glass at her. She leaned in, swaying slightly and smirked. "You two fucked, didn't you?"

"Bonus points to the drunk Slayer for getting it right on the first try."

"Everyone has been looking for you two all night. Don't you worry though, Faithy, me and Will covered for you two."

"What's the cover story?" Faith asked, playing along and trying to keep from laughing as she took back her shot. "Ken?"

"Well, we didn't really have a cover story," she giggled as she grabbed the bottle of whiskey and poured herself and Faith another shot. "Joyce and Giles seemed to be a little...bothered...when Will said you two were probably upstairs having sex."

"Great," Faith rolled her eyes as she took back the shot and placed the glass back on the table. "Give me the bottle, Ken. I suddenly feel like I want to get really fucked up right now."

"You think that's a good idea?" Kennedy asked quietly as she held the bottle away from her. "I am not talking about the drinking. I'm talking about you and Buffy. Kind of soon, isn't it?"

"It was kind of soon a week ago."

"But you know what I'm getting at right? I mean she just broke up with...him."

Faith's muscles tensed and she breathed in deeply as she tried to shake it off before she could get pissed off about it. She knew what Kennedy was getting at even if she was drunk and could barely stand still. She felt a slight buzz from the couple of shots she had and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she left Kennedy standing there alone and tried to find Buffy. She wasn't about to let Kennedy ruin the high she'd been on since she took Buffy up to her room hours ago.

She remembered what she and Buffy had talked about during their post-orgasm bliss, the second one. Neither of them were going to hold back on showing the other how they felt and keeping that in mind when she finally found her out in the living room dancing with Xander and laughing, she cut in and slid her arms around her waist and pulled her in close.

"Hey," Faith smiled as she gave her a quick, small kiss. "Did you miss me, baby?"

"Of course I did," Buffy laughed as she wrapped her arms around Faith's neck and pulled in for a deeper kiss. "I thought you said you weren't going to drink tonight?"

"Buffy..."

She pouted as she ran her fingers through Faith's hair and gently rubbed the soft skin at the base of her skull. "It's okay. I saw Kennedy ambush you. Willow and Xander did the same thing to me."

"They are always going to be nosey when it comes to us, aren't they?"

"Are you kidding me?" Buffy laughed. "Of course they will be."

Faith smiled down at her, amazed at how much Buffy was glowing. Amazed at how in love she looked and it was all because of her. She wanted nothing more than to take her back upstairs, but she knew she couldn't. At least not yet. She gave Buffy one last kiss before she whispered into her ear she was going outside for a cigarette. Buffy pouted slightly and let go, blowing her a kiss as she backed away slowly. She felt as if all eyes in the room were on her as she mouthed 'I love you' to Buffy. She didn't care. This was one of the best feelings in the world and she was finally just allowing herself to feel it instead of trying to fight it or deny it.

A few of the neighbours were out on the front porch, smoking cigars and laughing. One of them offered Faith a cigar which she turned down with a smile and lit her own cigarette. She faintly remembered last New Years and how Buffy had whined when her then boyfriend, whatever his name was, had smoked a couple of cigars. She hated the smell and complained about it being a complete turn off. Faith shook her head as she sat on the railing on the far end of the long front porch and she knew then that she was completely whipped.

"Hey guys, enjoying the party?" Buffy asked as she walked out of the house, smiling at the group of men standing by the door smoking their cigars. She laughed as they all muttered their replies and walked over to Faith. She handed her one of the beers she had in her hands and smiled at her as she leaned up and kissed her.

"Can't leave me alone for more than a couple minutes, can you, baby?"

"Of course not."

"You got ambushed by your friends again, didn't you?"

"Maybe," she laughed softly and she stood between Faith's legs and shivered slightly. "Or maybe I just wanted to be with you."

"I'm going with the first option cos the second one is wicked obvious. We've barely let each other out of sight for the past couple of days. Definitely not complaining either."

"No? I thought you didn't like the clingy types?"

"I do when the person clinging to me is you," she smiled sweetly as she leaned down and inhaled slowly. "I'd rather you be clinging to me all naked and the like, but I'm not so sure I'd want anyone else seeing you in all your fucking sexy naked glory."

With a smug smile on her face as she felt the heat of Buffy's flushed skin, she leaned back and took a long drag, unable to take her eyes off of her for more than a second. Willow and Kennedy came outside then, both giggling drunkenly as they made their way over towards them. Faith tried to force a smile at the two of them, but it was hard to. She'd been enjoying her little private moment with Buffy, maybe a little too much.

"There you are," Willow laughed as she snuggled into Kennedy's arms as Faith handed Kennedy a cigarette. "I thought maybe you two went back upstairs."

"Nah, we're spending midnight with everyone," Faith responded. "A little drunk there, Red?"

"A little bit," she smiled. "Okay, I'm a lot drunk. Hey, it's not wrong to let loose and have a few. It's not like I do it all the time. That's what the holidays are for, you know? To have fun and let loose and get a little wild sometimes. All about having fun. We're all having fun, right?"

Kennedy managed to quiet her before she let out an all-out babble fest. Buffy had her eyes on Faith the whole time, barely even listening or paying any attention to Willow and Kennedy. The four of them fell into a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the moment of being around each other and the calmness of the night. Even despite the cold, Faith felt warm with Buffy standing between her legs with one arm loosely wrapped around her waist.

Faith tried not to think too much about everything they'd gone through. She'd managed to go the last two days without dwelling on the past and the recent events. She just wanted to enjoy herself for once in her life, submerge herself in the moments that passed without feeling the doubts and the guilt she'd always felt before. She just wanted to be there in the moment with Buffy whether it was something small like right then, just standing out on the front porch with Willow and Kennedy, or something big rather like they'd shared up in her bedroom not even half an hour before.

She finished her cigarette, smiling down at Buffy as she flicked it to the ground behind her and she leaned in for a quick, chaste kiss before she took a sip of her beer and looked over at Willow and Kennedy. Both of them were staring at her and Buffy and Willow had a rather goofy smile on her face.

"You two are just so adorable together."

"Adorable? You trying not to overstep the friendship boundaries by calling us sexy, Will?" Faith asked. She wiggled her eyebrows as Buffy playfully poked her in the stomach. "What, B? I'd say we're sexier together than we are adorable."

"See, that's what I mean by adorable," Willow pointed out. "As for the sexy part...I don't want to go there. Nope. Not going there."

Faith and Kennedy laughed as Willow blushed furiously. Buffy poked her in the stomach again, shaking her head as she took a sip of her beer. Faith could only shake her head as she slid off the railing and headed for the door. Buffy still had her arm around her waist and from the looks of it she wasn't planning on letting go any time soon. Faith was okay with that, she loved how Buffy wanted only to cling to her, to touch her and just be near her. Nobody ever wanted that with her before. Then again, she'd never stayed with anyone for more than a couple days at a time. For the first time she wasn't feeling afraid of letting someone else in and she didn't want to run. She'd already done more than enough of that and now all she wanted was to stay put and enjoy being in love and enjoy the life she had with Buffy, her family and their friends.

They found quiet corner in the family room and danced to only music they could hear in their hearts. Willow and Kennedy were there with them, they too lost in their own little world. Faith broke her gaze from Buffy just long enough to look at those around them. The neighbours, drunk and rambunctious, we're too busy dancing and drinking and having a good time to notice anyone or anything around them. She spotted Joyce and Giles sitting around the dining room table with a couple of Giles' friends who had come from England. She laughed to herself when she knew they were playing a drinking game, the laughter that echoed from them quite obvious they were all enjoying themselves immensely.

"Hey guys, it's almost midnight!" Dawn squealed excitedly as she dragged Xander over to where they stood.

"Dawnie, can you squeal even louder?" Buffy asked, rolling her eyes as she kept her arms loosely wrapped around Faith's neck.

Dawn ignored her and smiled brightly at Faith. "I bet you know that next year is going to be one of the best years you'll ever have."

"This one isn't over yet."

"No, but it will be in half an hour," Dawn laughed. "Oh, I almost forgot. We set a date for the wedding. Make sure you don't have any plans for the first of May."

"You set a date?" Buffy asked, her face lighting up as she let go of Faith and hugged Dawn tightly. "Tell me I am going to be the maid of honour."

"I don't know..."

"Dawnie," Buffy stamped her foot as she gave her a glare. She couldn't hold it and the two burst into laughter and tears. "We have so much planning to do!"

Faith leaned against the wall, unable to stop smiling. She was truly feeling happy, she felt as if nothing could touch her and ruin the bliss she now had. The closer it got to midnight, the happier she felt. When the lights in the house dimmed and the music was shut off and the TV turned on so they could all watch the ball drop, Faith pulled Buffy in close to her, the tips of her fingers trailing over the side of her face and over her jaw slowly. It was so easy for her to fall away from the rest of the world just from looking into Buffy's eyes.

"I love you," she whispered so softly, her words nearly lost over the shouts of their friends, family and neighbours counting down.

"I love you, Faith," Buffy smiled as she pulled her in for a kiss. For once in her life, she was finally doing something right. She was starting a new year and it felt like a whole new life.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This is it...unfortunately this fic ran outta steam for me. Lack of inspiration/too many other ideas for other fics/the plot sort of ran its course is the reason for the end. Really thought this would be longer than ten chapters, but what can you do, right? Thanks to everyone who has read the story and reviewed, always encourages me to write more for my entertainment and for yours of course :)

* * *

Faith woke up rather late the next day with Buffy curled up next to her, her hand idly running over the dips and curves of her naked hips. Her head was pounding just slightly as she squinted at the bright sun that streamed in through the partially closed blinds. She smiled at the memory of the night before, the ache between her legs evidence enough of how great it had been. After midnight had passed and after having more than a few drinks with their friends, they'd made their way back to Faith's room. The sex had been incredibly mind-blowing and they barely could stop touching and kissing each other until after the sun had rose before they collapsed in each other's arms and let the inevitable tug of sleep pull them away from their ministrations.

"Morning, baby," Buffy smiled as she trailed her lips over her breasts, over the nearly disappearing love bites on her neck and stopped when she reached her lips. "Sleep well?"

"Always do with you," she replied, smiling sweetly as she pulled Buffy fully on top of her. "And good morning to you too, baby."

"Faith, last night was..."

"Incredible?"

"Yes," Buffy laughed as she lightly kissed her. "Incredible."

Faith swept her hands down Buffy's back, kissing her deeply as she gripped onto her pert backside and flipped them over. Buffy smiled against her lips as Faith settled between her legs. She was lost in the moment, kissing her passionately as she trailed her right hand over Buffy's thigh, feeling her shiver under her light touch. Buffy moaned softly as Faith ran her fingers over her already hot and wet pussy, teasing her clit as she pulled away from the kiss slowly. She deftly ran her fingers down the length of her slit, staring deeply into her eyes, knowing what she wanted and yet refused to give her exactly what she needed.

"Baby..." Buffy breathed out softly. "If we start this...we're never going to get out of bed today."

"Kind of the plan, B."

Buffy raised her hips upwards into Faith's hand as she continued to tease her clit. "Oh god, Faith."

"You want more, baby?"

With a quick kiss to her lips, Faith began to trail light kisses down her neck and across her chest, sliding under the covers fully as she teasingly licked each nipple before continuing her descent downwards. After spending all night making love, Faith knew just where to touch her, where to kiss her, that would send her tumbling over the edge in a matter of minutes. It amazed her the first couple of times just how fast Buffy came for her and it amazed her even more so with every little way Buffy's body would react to her touch.

She'd never had morning-after sex, her previous bed partners were always long gone before the morning. She loved how different it was with Buffy. She just couldn't get enough of her, she couldn't stop wanting to hold her and just be with her. Buffy obviously had no objections to having a little morning-after sex either and Faith stopped as she reached the closely trimmed hair at the top of her nearly bare pussy, breathing in her intoxicating scent and feeling her own body begin to react. It was rather warm under the covers and she stopped to pull her hair back from her face and breathed heavily over Buffy's spread pussy, hearing her try to hold back a moan as her hands came down and gripped onto her hair.

She dipped her head down lower, taking Buffy's throbbing clit between her lips and sucked gently as she gripped onto her hips to keep her from bucking up too hard too fast. Buffy suddenly let go of her hair as she released her clit with a soft pop and trailed her tongue down her slit tentatively. She was in no hurry to get Buffy off and she knew by the way Buffy kept jerking her hips that she wanted her to stop teasing. She pulled back slowly, hearing Buffy groan out loudly at the loss of her tongue on her cunt.

Slowly, tenderly she nibbled on the soft flesh of her inner thighs as she brought a hand down from her hips and gently eased one inside her hot, tight hole. The soft moans and sighs coming from Buffy were driving her insane and she tried to tune her out as she continued with her teasing nibbles along her thighs.

"Oh fuck, Faith."

She sighed out at the sexy way Buffy moaned out her name. She'd never get tired of it. She stopped her teasing nibbles on her thighs and licked her way back to her clit, feeling her shiver under her once again. She lazily licked at her clit, sliding in a second finger only momentarily before pulling them out completely. Buffy whimpered as she ran her tongue the length of her pussy several times before spreading the lips with her fingers and driving her tongue in deeply.

All night, every time she'd be between Buffy's legs, she never wanted to stop. If Buffy hadn't pulled her up and taken control, she might have never stopped. It was an addiction, Buffy was her aphrodisiac.

"Baby..." Buffy breathed out, her hands moving back down to her head, sliding through her wild hair as she pulled her fingers away from her pussy, trailing them over her thigh and around to the soft curves of her backside.

She felt Buffy tense as the tips of her fingers deftly brushed over the edge of her other hole and she hoped she wasn't about to do something that would make Buffy want her to stop. Deciding to save it for another time, she swept her hands along the back of her thighs, feeling her pussy clench and pull at her tongue with every languid thrust. Buffy pulled on her hair rather hard as she came and Faith knew she wanted her to kiss her while the orgasm flowed through her body. She rained light kisses over her pussy, giving her pulsing sensitive clit a tender nibble before she slowly licked her way up her body and pulled her head out from under the covers, smiling down at Buffy as she brought a hand up to brush aside the hair that stuck to her sweaty, damp forehead.

Buffy smiled back at her, raising her hand to wipe her secretions off of Faith's lips and chin before she pulled her down for an incredibly passionate kiss. She let Buffy push her onto her back, their lips not parting once as Buffy straddled her hips and slid her hand in between their bodies and over Faith's smooth, taut stomach.

Every touch was sending Faith into an oblivion of ecstasy. She was surrounded by Buffy, completely under her control as she waited for her to continue. The teasing touching along with the gentle yet insistent nibbles on her bottom lip was all payback for the teasing Faith had just done to her. Every touch Buffy made across her skin made her body buzz wildly out of control and she had to fight with herself to stay where she was and allow Buffy to have her naughty little way with her.

"Fuck, B," she groaned softly as Buffy eased a solitary finger over her throbbing clit. "I know they say payback is a bitch, but..."

"You can do it to me and I can't do it to you?"

"B, you can do anything you want to me," she replied, her voice heavy and dripping with arousal as she pulled Buffy back to her lips. "Anything."

"Anything?" Buffy whispered against her lips as she eased her fingers down to her wet hole and roughly slid it inside and she pulled it out just as quickly. "Anything means I can tease you as long as I want to."

"Fuck..."

They hadn't been rough with each other all night, but Faith could feel the animalistic sexual nature deep within her begin to wake up. They'd made love all night long and all she wanted to do now was fuck her senseless. With the last bit of resolve she knew she still had left in her, she pushed away those specific lascivious thoughts out of her head and rolled them over, grinning down at Buffy as she whimpered out softly. They both moaned as Buffy slipped her finger back inside of her, bottoming out as Faith kissed her hungrily.

Faith continued to kiss her as she reached for her hand and hesitantly pulled it away from her. Before Buffy could even break away from the kiss to ask her what she was doing, Faith rolled her pelvis hard against hers, their pussy's sliding with ease and creating the delicious friction she was craving to feel. She could feel her orgasm building quickly, having already been incredibly turned on. She tried to hold out, not wanting to come so quickly and at the same time wanting Buffy to come with her, but she found it nearly impossible to hold out for much longer. She came hard and fast as Buffy raked her nails down her back and moments later, Buffy came right along with her.

They collapsed in each other's arms, breaking away from their kiss and they breathed heavily as they laid there and held onto each other, basking in the afterglow. Her lips found Buffy's again after a few long minutes. She knew she'd never get tired of this feeling, a feeling of euphoria and love and the feel of Buffy's naked body pressed so intimately against her own. They were lost within each other now, the rest of the world just falling away from them too easily. They were so lost within each other that neither of them heard the soft knock on the bedroom door and neither of them heard the quiet click of the door as it opened.

"Breakfast is ready!" Dawn yelled at them, slamming the door shut as she burst into giggles.

"Oh god," Buffy laughed as she pushed Faith away from her a little. "I'm going to kill her!"

"She didn't see anything, B."

"She walked in!"

"She opened the door a crack, B. She didn't see shit. She's a big girl, B. Not like it would've traumatized her if she walked in a few minutes ago."

Buffy flushed a deep red as she pushed Faith off of her and slowly sat up, pulling the sheets with her. "This is something we're going to have to deal with now, aren't we?"

"Well, we do all live in the same house and I guess that's what we get for forgetting to lock the door last night," Faith chuckled softly as she pulled Buffy back down into her arms. "You hungry, baby?"

"No, are you?"

"Technically just ate," Faith smirked and Buffy poked her in the stomach as she struggled to get up from the bed. "What? Where you going, baby? Thought the plan was to spend the whole day in bed?"

"It's a nice fantasy, baby, but we can't. Everyone has to pitch in and clean up from last night and Giles wanted to start on the new patrol schedules..."

"Buffy," Faith groaned as she held her close. "You just had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"

"Dawn ruined it!"

"I wasn't about to let your nosy kid sister ruin our moment, but the second you mention patrol schedules...damn, B, you realize if I had a dick it'd be flaccid right about now?"

Buffy groaned in mock disgust as she ran her hand down Faith's side, her fingers teasing the skin over her hips before she slid her hand between her legs. "You definitely are all woman down there, baby."

Faith wasn't so sure when the little 'baby' pet names had started, somewhere over the course of the last two days, but she loved it when Buffy called her that. It made her get butterflies in her stomach; butterflies she never thought existed before this whole sudden, instantaneous relationship had started between them. Buffy gave her a quick kiss before slipping out of bed and pulling one of the sheets with her, wrapping it around her body as she headed for the door. She turned and gave Faith a smile that completely melted her heart before she walked out of the room and slowly closed the door behind her.

She stretched out on the bed, still feeling fully surrounded by Buffy's scent and the lingering taste of her arousal still on her lips and tongue. She closed her eyes as she heard Buffy and Dawn just out in the hallway, Dawn teasing her about spending the entire night with Faith yet again. Even from beyond the closed door, Faith could almost feel the full body blush Buffy most likely had. She smiled to herself when she heard Buffy tell Dawn to mind her own business before the loud sound of her bedroom door being slammed shut reverberated through the top floor of the house.

No matter how many times she'd tried to believe that this was really happening between them, that it was real, over the past couple of days since Buffy had broken things off with Luke, she felt like she was walking around in a dream, afraid to wake up and find her life would be exactly where it had been before this all happened. The woman she'd been before, even in the days before she fully admitted the love she had for Buffy. She knew everything she'd gone through since that moment was a test of character, a test of her will, her resolve, her strength and her love. Every decision she'd made, every step she took, there were consequences, side effects and she was still feeling each and every one of them.

Sighing out softly, she rolled onto her stomach and held the pillow Buffy had been lying on and breathed in deeply. She knew she was head over heels in love with her, she knew she always had been and now that she had her, it was so hard for her to let go of her, even now. If this was what love was really like, she had no idea why she'd been so scared of it before. It seemed stupid to have fought it and pushed it away all the years she had, but then again, she wouldn't be where she was now if she hadn't held out on believing in love until she had her chance with Buffy.

Eventually she let go of her thoughts and she drifted off to sleep, the long night taking its toll on her body and mind.

****

When Faith woke for the second time that day it was to the sounds of two people fighting downstairs. She groaned in annoyance as she got out of bed and quickly got dressed, bolting down the stairs when she heard a loud crash. She ran down the stairs and came to a stop when she saw Buffy holding Kennedy arms at her sides, both of them breathing heavily as Buffy struggled to keep her pinned to the floor.

"What the hell is going on?" Faith asked, laughing when Buffy leapt off of Kennedy. "Sparring get a little out of control or something?"

"Something like that," Kennedy muttered as she pulled herself up from the floor. "What the hell were we fighting over again, Buffy?"

"I have no idea," she laughed as she straightened out her clothes.

"You two are fucking nuts," Faith said under her breath as she walked past them and into the kitchen.

She had to laugh at what she'd just witnessed. It'd been a long time since she had seen Buffy and Kennedy get into it like that and it was always over the stupidest little things that didn't matter in the end. They were like sisters in a lot of ways, especially when it came down to the things they ended up fighting over. She shook her head as she opened the fridge, quickly glancing back at the clock to check the time. She grabbed a cold beer and twisted off the cap, nearly drinking all of it in one go and she sighed out loudly as she felt Buffy wrap her arms around her from behind. She leaned back into her warm embrace as she drank the rest of her beer and put the empty bottle down on the counter in front of her before she turned around and wrapped her arms around Buffy and lifted her up and placed her on the island countertop.

Faith was about to kiss her when Kennedy walked into the kitchen and audibly groaned as she opened the refrigerator door. "You two just can't keep your hands off of each other, can you?"

"No, we can't, so if you don't mind," Faith said as she motioned for Kennedy to leave.

"Hey, it's a kitchen. It's a very common room in the house where anyone could just walk in whenever they please. You want to get all gropetastic with each other, that is fine with me, totally understand it, but that's what a bedroom is for in case you two have forgotten that you aren't the only ones who live here."

"You mind giving us some privacy, Ken?" Faith asked, flipping her off as she leaned in to kiss Buffy.

"You are impossible," Kennedy muttered under her breath as she grabbed herself a beer and leaned against the refrigerator. "I am not going anywhere. I have every right to be here too."

"Kennedy," Faith growled as she tore her lips from Buffy's. "What gives?"

"Enjoying the free show," she smirked as she took a sip of her beer. "Or at least hoping for the encore to what everyone heard last night."

Kennedy took off then, laughing as Faith held Buffy back from going off after her. Buffy was as angry as she was embarrassed and Faith grinned as she let her slide off the counter slowly. Buffy looked away from her, her face flushed and Faith reached up and brought her fingers under her chin and turned her so she would look up at her.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Everyone...heard us," she said softly.

"Ken is just fucking with us, B. You should know that by now."

"She's been acting like this all afternoon. She's been teasing me relentlessly!"

"Probably only doing it to entertain herself. You know how she is, B. I don't know why you let it get to you."

"God, I could just..."

"What? Kill her sometimes for some of the things that come out of that mouth of hers?" Faith asked, smirking when Buffy let out a small laugh. "Trust me when I tell you that she's been born to be a royal pain in the ass. Makes me wonder how Willow has put up with her all these years."

"It's the sex!" Kennedy yelled out from the living room.

"See what I mean?" Faith laughed as she shook her head. "So, what are the plans for tonight?"

"Besides patrol? We're expected to show up at the party across the street no later than eleven."

"Think we can get out of it?"

"What? Patrol or the party?"

"Both," Faith whispered in reply as she held Buffy close to her. "Think about the possibilities of being alone in the house for once, just you and me."

"Is that all you seriously think about?"

"It's all you're thinking about right now too," Faith smirked as Buffy ran her hands under her shirt and up her back slowly. "Last night and this morning was amazing, B."

"Yeah," Buffy replied dreamily. "It's all I have been able to think about all afternoon. Do you know how hard it was for me not to come back up to bed?"

Faith leaned in and ran her tongue over her neck just below her ear, smiling against her skin as Buffy let out a contented sigh. She pulled back and stared down into Buffy's eyes, smiling widely at her as Buffy reached up and lightly ran her fingers over the dimples in her cheeks.

It was so hard for her to believe that Buffy was really there in front of her, that she was really there looking up at her with so much love shining in her eyes. It was all for her and only for her now. The relationship was still new, it was still only beginning and yet she felt as if they'd been this way for years. The drama, the insecurities, the fights, the running away and running back, the sex, the kissing each other until they felt as if their lungs were about to burst if they didn't stop; it was all perfect and just the way it should be.

"I'm glad I came back," Faith whispered. "I should have never left."

"You needed to find yourself before you were ready to come back."

"But all those years, B..."

"Don't, Faith. No more looking in the past, okay? It's done and over with and all that matters right now is that you are here where you belong with me, with all of us."

"You know, for the first time in my life I really feel like I've found a place I can call home and have it really feel like home," she whispered as she rested her forehead against Buffy's. "You make it feel like home for me, B. You always have. Don't know why I didn't know how I felt about you until not that long ago. Like you said, I guess I had to find myself. I had to find myself before I could find you, if that makes any sense at all."

"It makes perfect sense, baby."

"Kind of feel like sometimes I don't deserve this, that I don't deserve you, but then I stop listening to that little voice inside my head that's always brought me down and I start listening to my heart."

"And what is your heart telling you?"

"To love you. No questions asked."

Buffy smiled sweetly as she ran her fingers tenderly through Faith's hair. "I never thought you would be like this, Faith. I always wondered about you, always wondered what was just beneath the surface and the many walls you've always put up around you. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For showing me who you really are, for showing me the woman you are capable of being and for trusting me enough to let down your walls and let me in just a little."

"This has been one of the craziest weeks of my life, Buffy. I've never felt so much, I've never been torn so many different ways and I...shit," she choked up, feeling her tears threatening to fall if she continued, but she did anyway. "No matter how crazy it has been, I wouldn't change anything."

"It feels like it's been a lot longer than a week though, doesn't it?"

"About ten days, but who's counting?"

"Are you two done being all gropetastic yet?" Kennedy called out from the living room.

"Fuck off, Ken!" Faith shouted back at her. "You're ruining my moment here!"

"Faith..." Buffy said soothingly as she leaned in to kiss her. "Let's just go upstairs. We have some time to kill before we need to go out on patrol."

"But..."

"We can't just drop our responsibilities just because we want to..."

"But, B..."

Buffy smiled as she grabbed onto Faith's hand and pulled her out of the kitchen. "No 'buts', Faith."

As they walked to the stairs, Faith flipped off Kennedy, just knowing she was about to say something that would piss both of them off. She turned all her focus back on Buffy as she allowed her to lead the way up the stairs and into her room. Faith smirked as she locked Buffy's bedroom door behind her knowing if she had her way they wouldn't be leaving the room for at least most of the night.

****

Just like clockwork, she always found herself sitting out in the cold with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The party at the house across the street was in full swing and she had to wonder if all the neighbours on loved to do nothing more than party as hard as they could during the holidays. It wasn't that she didn't mind it; she just wasn't in the mood to join in on the fun yet again.

Her mind was in overdrive. She wondered if it'd ever slow down long enough for her just to sit back and enjoy everything she now had in her life. It was hard to stop thinking about everything though. She never had this kind of happiness before, she'd never been in love and never had she known what it was like to be a part of a family before. Not like she was never a part of the family, it was just different now.

"Hello, Faith."

She looked up from the ground to look at Luke. "What the hell you doing here?"

"I've come to talk to you and was hoping to be able to talk to Buffy as well," he replied as he didn't move from where he stood as Faith stood up and casually placed her beer bottle on the ground next to her. "I'm not here for a fight, Faith."

"What the hell are you here for then? Cos the way I remember it, I owe you a severe ass kicking for you throwing me halfway across the club!"

"I apologize for that," he responded quietly. "I overreacted. I've known how Buffy feels about you since we got together."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes," he nodded and he looked back at the house for a moment and turned back to her. "When she told me the other night that it was over between us, I was angry although I had seen it coming far before you even came back here."

"What's the point of this?" Faith muttered as she took a drag of her cigarette and stared into his icy blue eyes. "You didn't come back here to try and get Buffy to come back to you, did you?"

"No. Every relationship unfortunately has loose ends to tie up, things that need to be said and done, once and for all. We never had that chance the other night. Like I said, I was angry and after she told me she was in love with you, I kicked her out of the car before we had the chance to talk things out like rational adults."

"If you laid a hand on her..."

"I imagine you know what I am," he said as he cut her off before she could continue. "I may be a half-bred vampire, but I am not one to lay an angry hand on the woman I love. I know you must think otherwise with what I did to you in the club and I've come to apologize for that. I should not have overreacted that way."

"Whatever."

"However," he said softly and paused for a moment as Buffy walked out the front door and stopped short when she saw him. "I wanted to make things right. I had to apologize to you, Faith and I wanted to talk with Buffy once more before I leave town."

"What's going on?" Buffy asked quietly as she walked down the front steps and stood next to Faith.

"He came to talk to us," Faith replied as she watched Buffy shiver and without thinking about it, she wrapped an arm around her and held her close. "Alright half-boy, talk."

"I would like to talk with her alone."

"No can do," Faith said sharply as she felt Buffy tense up a little. "You talk while I am here or you don't talk at all. In case you haven't figured it out, I don't trust you."

"Baby, go inside. I'll talk to him and I'll be right in."

"But..."

"Five minutes," Buffy whispered as she leaned in and lightly kissed her on the corner of her mouth. "Just give us five minutes, okay?"

Faith nodded and shrugged out of her jacket and draped it over Buffy's shoulders. She smiled sweetly at her as she flicked her cigarette away and bent down to pick up her bottle of beer. She gave Luke a menacing look, one that said 'try anything and I'll come out here and personally kick your ass' and she headed into the neighbours house, forcing herself not to stand by the door and eavesdrop on their conversation.

It was hard not to stand there by the door and listen. She wanted to know what he was saying to her. It was the jealousy inside of her that forced her to stay instead of doing the right thing and just walk away and trust that all they were going to do was talk. She could feel herself teetering on the edge of darkness just then. The rage she just realized was there that had boiled deep down inside of her the instant she saw Luke was almost too much for her to handle. The useless drama of the whole situation that she was throwing out of proportion made her feel as if this wasn't real. She felt like she'd stepped out of her own body and was sitting in front of the television and being forced to watch one of those horrible soap operas Joyce, Dawn and Buffy loved. That's what it really felt like, one long, fucked up soap opera and she had one of the starring roles.

Love really made people crazy and she could see that now more clearly than she ever had before. She looked out the window at the top of the door and watched as Buffy quietly apologized to Luke for having ended things the way she had. Faith clenched her fists at her side, trying to push down the rage that was bubbling deep inside of her. He didn't deserve an apology from her and it hurt for her to see the way Buffy looked like she was about to cry as Luke reached out and gave her a short, quick hug.

"Faith, were you listening?" Buffy asked as she opened the door and found Faith standing right there with her arms folded across her chest. "Faith?"

"Is he gone for good this time, B?"

"Yes. He's gone for good this time."

"Damn," she shook her head and laughed as Buffy took off Faith's jacket and placed it on the chair near the door. "Here I was hoping to get the chance to kick his ass."

"Faith..."

"What, B?"

"Nothing," she laughed as she wrapped her arms around Faith and gave her a light, rather chaste kiss. "I think it's sweet sometimes the way you get all jealous."

"Sweet?"

"Okay, maybe not sweet, but you know what I mean," Buffy smiled as she ran her hands up her back and through her hair slowly. "Do you want to know what he said to me?"

"Kind of heard him."

"He said he was going to come back here and fight for me, try to win me back and then said when he calmed down enough that he realized he couldn't jeopardize my happiness that I've found with you."

"Fucking soap opera drama bullshit," Faith muttered under her breath and quickly smiled down at Buffy. "You were saying?"

"Is that what you really think?"

"Lots of useless drama...yeah."

Buffy scoffed and rolled her eyes as she pulled Faith down for a deep, passionate kiss. When she parted just as quickly, she grabbed Faith's jacket and her own and pulled them out the front door.

"B, where are we going?"

"We are going back home."

"But the party..."

"You didn't even want to be here in the first place and besides," Buffy grinned as she continued to pull Faith down the front steps and towards the street. "After patrol earlier, I know you're feeling more than a little worked up. There's a cure for that, you know."

Faith grinned as she wiggled her eyebrows and followed Buffy back to their house. "Got a cure for both?"

"I'm thinking we could work something out," Buffy winked as she unlocked the front door and pushed Faith inside. "We can work something out as long as you stop thinking that this is some fucking soap opera drama bullshit."

"But it is...you can't see it?"

"No."

"You're biased. You love those fucking shows."

"Maybe," she said as she began backing up the stairs and held onto both of Faith's hands and pulled her up with her. "Maybe not."

"I swear, B...if you make me watch those things again I'll..."

"You'll what?"

Faith shrugged as she let Buffy pull her into her bedroom and she leaned against the door as she shut it behind her. "Dunno. You know me. I have a bunch of useless threats."

"Tell me," Buffy said softly as she pulled on her shirt and dragged her to the bed. She turned her around and pushed her down, wasting no time in climbing on top of her and straddling her hips. "Tell me, baby."

"I...I forget what I was gonna say now," Faith laughed as she watched Buffy pull off her tight black shirt to reveal a small tank top underneath. "Doesn't even matter anymore."

"No. The only thing that matters right now is you and me."

"So, you're sure he's really gone this time? Cos if he comes back..."

"Faith," Buffy groaned as she leaned down and kissed her. "Shut up."

She gave in and became submissive to Buffy as she nearly tore at her clothes. She closed her eyes as Buffy's lips and tongue and fingers roamed over every inch of bare skin, worshipping her, pleasuring her, teasing her and just showing her how much she truly loved her and wanted her.

She went back to thinking of the things she'd thought of earlier that day and she knew that no matter what was thrown in their way, nothing and nobody was ever going to come between them. The side effects of falling in love would always be there and they would continue to be there for as long as she loved Buffy and for as long as Buffy loved her.

And when she thought about it, she knew she really wouldn't have it any other way.

The End


End file.
